How to Build Relationships That Last

Successful relationships are built on a commitment to mutual support, growth, and respect. Biba Kayewich

It’s February, and shelves are stocked to overflowing with teddy bears, candy, and Valentine’s Day cards and gifts. Rom-coms play on repeat on TV, and a dinner reservation for the holiday is nearly impossible to secure this late in the game. Social media are flooded with grand gestures and heartfelt declarations, while florists work tirelessly to meet the high demand for roses of all colors. It’s undeniable—love is in the air, and couples everywhere are preparing to celebrate their relationships in all types of ways. Whether it’s a first Valentine’s together or a long-standing tradition, we all can get swept up in the excitement (and pressure) of a day all about love.

And while I love a box of heart-shaped chocolates as much as the next person, as a mental health professional, I see the reality of love that goes beyond the chocolates and roses. Marriage and romantic relationships are beautiful and fulfilling, yet they are often fraught with challenges that require intentionality, grace, and perseverance. If you’re seeking to nurture your marriage or deepen your understanding of love, explore with me how foundational relationship principles and insights from my years as a counselor can help your relationship thrive.

Love as a Partnership, not a Transaction

In our culture, love is often viewed as a feeling—fleeting, conditional, and tied to personal happiness. However, healthy love is far deeper. Marriage and long-term relationships should not operate as a transactional exchange of benefits. Instead of an “I’ll do my part as long as you do yours” mindset, successful relationships are built on a commitment to mutual support, growth, and respect. Viewing love as a lifelong partnership can transform how we approach disagreements, unmet expectations, and seasons of difficulty.

Common Challenges Couples Face

In my counseling practice, I’ve observed recurring themes that challenge relationships, such as:

1. Communication Breakdowns: Poor communication is a leading cause of relationship strife. Misunderstandings, unspoken expectations, and hurtful words can erode trust and connection.
2. Unrealistic Expectations: Many people enter marriage with idealized notions of what their partner or the relationship “should” be. When reality doesn’t match those expectations, disappointment sets in.
3. Conflict Avoidance or Escalation: Some couples avoid conflict altogether, leading to suppressed resentment. Others engage in unhealthy patterns of escalation—arguments spiral into personal attacks.
4. Life Transitions: From the arrival of children to career changes or caring for aging parents, life transitions can strain even the strongest relationships.
5. Emotional Disconnection: Over time, couples can drift apart emotionally, leading to feelings of loneliness even within the relationship.

Practical Tools for a Thriving Marriage

While these challenges are significant, they are not unbeatable. Here are some key strategies for fostering a strong, lasting relationship:

Prioritize Open and Honest Communication

Active listening is a cornerstone of healthy communication. This means truly hearing your partner without interrupting or planning your response. Reflect back to them what you’ve heard to ensure understanding. Additionally, set aside regular times to connect and share your thoughts, feelings, and concerns. Whether it’s a weekly “relationship check-in” or nightly conversations, intentional communication fosters intimacy and reduces misunderstandings.

Manage Conflict Constructively

Conflict is inevitable, but how you handle it matters. Address issues promptly, but with gentleness and respect.

• Focus on the issue, not the person.
• Use “I” statements (e.g., “I feel hurt when ...”) instead of blaming.
• Seek to understand before being understood.
• Take breaks when needed and return to the conversation with a clear mind.

Cultivate Gratitude and Appreciation

Over time, it’s easy to take your partner for granted. Make a habit of expressing gratitude and affirming their strengths. A simple “thank you” or heartfelt compliment can go a long way in fostering positivity.

Invest in Quality Time

In the busyness of life, intentional quality time often takes a backseat. Schedule regular date nights or shared activities that bring you joy. These moments of connection remind you why you fell in love and keep the spark alive.

Foster Emotional and Physical Intimacy

Physical affection, meaningful conversations, and acts of kindness all contribute to a deeper emotional bond. Don’t neglect the little things—holding hands, hugging, and checking in on each other throughout the day can make a big difference.

Seek Support When Needed

There’s no shame in seeking help when your relationship is struggling. A trusted counselor, therapist, or relationship coach can provide invaluable guidance and encouragement.

Love That Lasts

Successful relationships are built on a commitment to mutual support, growth, and respect. Biba Kayewich

When I first met Mark and Sarah, they came to me feeling disconnected after 10 years of marriage. Between demanding careers and raising young children, their conversations had become purely logistical—who would pick up the kids, what bills were due—leaving them feeling more like roommates than partners. Through counseling, they realized that poor communication was at the root of their growing distance. They began using many of the tools I listed, focusing especially on setting aside time for meaningful conversations. Prioritizing quality time also became a turning point for them—they scheduled regular date nights, limited work distractions in the evenings, and introduced a weekly “no technology” night to focus on each other.

Over time, these small, intentional efforts rekindled both their emotional and physical intimacy. They started expressing gratitude more often, and the small gestures of love that had faded over the years returned. By committing to better communication, consistent quality time, and mutual appreciation, Mark and Sarah not only restored their marriage but also built a stronger, more fulfilling relationship than ever before.

This Valentine’s Day, go beyond the surface-level celebrations and focus on deepening your connection with your partner. This could include:

• Writing a heartfelt letter expressing your love and appreciation.
• Planning a meaningful date that reflects your shared values and interests.
• Committing to daily moments of intentional connection for the next month, whether it’s a 10-minute regroup each night or spending time making breakfast together in the morning.
• Starting a gratitude journal, taking turns writing down things you appreciate about each other.

Remember, love is not just about grand gestures but also about consistent, daily acts of care and commitment. As you invest in your relationship, you’ll not only strengthen your bond but also create a foundation that can weather life’s inevitable ups and downs. Marriage and long-term relationships require effort, patience, and a willingness to grow together. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth every effort. By building your relationship on the foundation of trust, prioritizing communication and connection, and embracing the journey together, you can cultivate a love that thrives in every season.

As you celebrate Valentine’s Day this year, remember that true love is about not just the feelings we experience but also the choices we make. Choose to love selflessly, to forgive generously, and to nurture the relationship you’ve built. In doing so, you’ll create a lasting partnership rooted in respect, understanding, and deep connection.