When his father, who has advanced Parkinson’s disease, lost the ability to live by himself, a California man returned to his childhood home in Ohio, pledging to take care of his father until the end.
Josip Markus, 48, told The Epoch Times: “It was clear that he needed my support. My father said, ‘I would rather go to a funeral home than a nursing home.’”
‘He’s Slowly Declining’
In 2006, Josip, the only son of his father, Alojz Markus, was in graduate school when he received a phone call from his dad in tears. Alojz had fallen at work when the left side of his body gave out. Josip rushed home and accompanied his father to numerous doctor’s visits over several months before they received the diagnosis of Parkinson’s disease.“It was devastating for him,” Josip said. “Until that point, he had never lost control of his body. Ultimately, he could no longer work, and I remember he was very emotional about that.”
Alojz was placed on a medication regimen that helped stabilize his symptoms. He was independent, even driving himself, for several years after that. During this time, Josip visited his father whenever he could.
However, in 2019, Josip—a globetrotting conscious living and leadership coach—realized that his father suddenly had difficulty being by himself. During their conversations, Alojz told his son that he never wanted to be put away in a nursing home.
“I’m his only family,” Josip said. “My father doesn’t do well with unfamiliar environments or with strangers.”
Following a retreat early that year, Josip felt an intuitive calling to return to Willowick, Ohio, to be with his father, who’s now 78. He sold his California home and most of his possessions and braced himself for a new way of life.
“He was my rock my whole life,” he said. “Our roles were just beginning to reverse for the first time.”
Parkinson’s disease affects each person differently. For Alojz, it affects speech and mobility; he has trouble initiating speaking and walking and can quickly lose his balance. Josip gets him to get out of bed every morning to start his day, prepares his meals, drives him, and assists him with various activities of daily living.
“He’s slowly declining, and I gradually have to do more and more to support him,” he said.
Magical Moments
The pair, who live close to Lake Erie, spend their afternoons walking and talking to each other at a lakefront park that’s a 5-minute drive from their house. Afterward, they often visit a local Turkish restaurant to order the elderly man’s favorite snack: French fries. In the evenings, they usually watch a movie or a show together.“Sometimes, what we’re watching will trigger a memory of something in his life and he'll start sharing a story. These are precious moments for us,” Josip said. “Sometimes, memories are painful for him and he starts to cry. I just listen and hold space for him to share so that he can process his feelings and grieve if he needs to. That’s what our days are like.”
Josip is not the only member of the household who supports his father. He brought his two cats with him when he moved from California. The eldest, Cocoa, has a soft spot for her elderly housemate and helps keep him entertained while Josip is busy working or running errands.
Every morning, Alojz helps feeds the cats and checks their litterbox; caring for someone else helps keep his mind off his illness.
“My father was having a tough moment, either a hard time breathing or just feeling very uncomfortable,” Josip said. “I strongly believe in energy healing, and by grounding myself and putting my hand on him, I could help ease his struggle.”
Witnessing Josip do this, Cocoa followed suit.
100 Percent Dependent
Josip’s role as his father’s caregiver intensified in February 2022, when Alojz fell in his bedroom and broke his right humerus. He had surgery a couple of weeks later and was fitted with a metal plate and 12 screws to hold the bone together. Without his independence, while his arm healed, the 78-year-old grew yet frailer.“He was 100 percent dependent on me for everything,” Josip said. “Every time he needed something, I came right away. That really, I believe, showed him that I would do anything for him. We saw how deep and strong the love and the bond between us is.”
With his father’s needs greater than ever, Josip surrendered to their situation and all the past unresolved tension between them dissolved.
He reflected: “In the beginning, we triggered each other a lot. I would annoy him, and he would annoy me, as we learned to live with each other again; two very different personalities.”
As he continued to stay with his father, he navigated through the different challenges.
‘I’ll Do Anything for Him’
Alojz was born in Croatia and grew up in a small, impoverished village, Roženica, close to the capital. He came to the United States in 1967 as a political refugee. Soon after Josip was born, Alojz became embroiled in a 4-year divorce battle with Josip’s mother, culminating in him receiving full custody of his son.
“He worked really hard in a factory to be able to provide a living for me,” Josip said. “He was my everything; he was an incredible father. He’s always been very kind, very thoughtful. He loved to fix things. When something was broken, he would start to tinker and try to figure out how to fix it. That’s how I’ve always thought of him.”
In making sacrifices to raise his son, Alojz modeled unconditional love. As a caregiver for the past three-plus years, Josip has had the chance to reflect that same love back to his father. “He’s the most important man in the world to me, and I'll do anything for him,” he said.
“My dad was not very emotionally expressive when I was growing up, but he has become incredibly so over these past couple of years. He feels very deeply, but he’s of a generation and a culture where he didn’t learn how to communicate his feelings. I know that he is so grateful for my presence. He has told me that the only reason he is still alive is that I’m here supporting him.”
The dedicated son, who’s run his own professional coaching business since 2018, has chosen to see his role as part of a spiritual journey.
“Every aspect of navigating this caregiving journey becomes a part of who I am. My business is a reflection of me; everything that I bring to my clients is a result of the wisdom I have earned through my life experiences,” he said.
For anyone experiencing a hard day, Josip advises: “Embrace it. Take a deep breath and slow down. You can choose to learn through this challenging moment by humbly asking, ‘How may I be a student on this journey?’”
He added that while his father’s sickness is not something he can control, he can—and does—choose to cherish their remaining time together.
“I could be resentful and angry that nobody’s here to help me,” he said, “but that’s a very disempowering mindset. I choose to tell a powerful story, where this is one of my life’s most profound spiritual experiences.”
