Dear June,
What is the etiquette for buying a wedding gift for a couple who are both marrying for a second time? They will be getting married at the justice of the peace and then will honeymoon in the Caribbean. They are both in their 60s.
Any advice would be appreciated.
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Dear Wedding Guest,
The general etiquette for second weddings is that the gifts would be smaller than for first weddings. Some believe that gifts for second weddings are altogether optional, but I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable attending a wedding without bringing a gift of some sort.
However, if the couple is only getting married by a justice of the peace and you haven’t been invited, I don’t think there should be any expectation that you give a gift. I would still send a very nice card, and if you’re particularly close with either the bride or the groom, I would give a gift if you think it will mean a lot to them.
If you have been invited to celebrate, such as by joining them for a meal afterward, then I would give something, but it can be something simple such as a bouquet of flowers and a card. One consideration with flowers is that if the couple are departing imminently on their honeymoon, you might want to send them after they return.
This is all assuming that they don’t have a registry. It hardly needs to be said that if they do have one and you’ve been invited to celebrate, you should choose a gift from the registry.
Absent a registry, and if you want to give a thoughtful gift, I would also consider what you know about the couple. Unlike young newlyweds, 60-year-olds probably don’t need practical items, since they have had ample time to buy these.
Are they the type who like sentimental items? There are lots of customizable items on websites such as Zazzle and Etsy. Another sentimental gift would be a wedding photo shoot.
Some couples might like experience-oriented gifts, such as a restaurant gift certificate, a night or two somewhere special, lessons of some kind, a museum membership, or tickets to an event.
If they’re homebodies, then a subscription gift such as nice tea or coffee could be nice for them to share together.
This may not pertain to your situation, but group gifting can be a good idea in some situations. This is where a group of people all give a little toward an expensive gift. With many people struggling with inflation, this can be a more budget-friendly way to contribute a gift and allows the couple to receive something they might not receive otherwise. This could be organized by a guest or by the bridal couple.
As a final thought, I think the reason for etiquette is to help keep relationships healthy and harmonious, so whatever you do decide to give, keep the joy of giving and a heart of celebration foremost. A happy marriage is such a wonderful thing, and how great it is that these two will be able to spend their golden years together.
Sincerely,
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