Dear June
My 90-year-old sister recently gave me $200 for picking her up for church. I didn’t want to take it, but rather than make a scene (there were a couple of others in the car), I reluctantly took it. My first thought was to mail it back to her, but she’s easily offended. I don’t want the money. What should I do?
A Sister Not in Need
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Dear Sister Not in Need,
I think you did the right thing to take the money and not make a scene. And I think you are right not to send it back and risk offending your sister.
Assuming that your sister is both financially and mentally stable, then I would give it away, either to someone you know who is in need or anonymously to a charity.
If you have concerns about her mental or financial well-being, then you might hold onto it and see if there comes an appropriate time and manner to return it. For example, if she has children she relies on for care, you could give it to them.
If she’s mentally sound, then giving it to you probably gave her some sort of comfort and satisfaction. Do you think perhaps she worries about being a burden and will feel more comfortable asking you to drive her places because of this? I can’t know what is in her head, and it sounds like she has a strong personality, so I don’t see a reason to challenge her on this particular issue.
And if perhaps it’s the case that her giving money to you was a way of demeaning you in the relationship, I would still accept it and at the same time accept her for who she is. Be as gracious and kind as you can (still maintaining healthy boundaries) and your good heart may help hers become better.
And as a final thought, you received this money as you drove to church—perhaps it was a divine hand, giving you this gift so that you and your sister could bless someone else.
Sincerely,
June
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