What does it take to turn an act of evil into an act of love? A college junior who became pregnant from rape drew on faith to acknowledge the value of the innocent human growing inside her womb and made a life-giving decision, choosing adoption over abortion. And to give her child the “gift of faith,” the young mom-to-be chose a family that had a strong relationship with God.
The daughter of a lawyer and a stay-at-home mom, Kathleen Folan grew up in Spokane, Washington, the oldest of four siblings raised devout Catholic. Today, she is the director of family and youth ministries at St. Dominic’s Catholic Church in San Francisco, California, where she lives with her husband and three children.
“Faith was the most important thing in our home when I was growing up, and still is,” Kathleen told The Epoch Times. "My vision of life was to go to college, have a successful career, get married, and have children: to live the American dream.
“When I found out I was pregnant, I was shocked. This was not my plan. But I also knew in that same moment that a life, a human being, who would have his first breath, first smile, first steps, first day of kindergarten, and all the amazing mysteries that life has to offer was inside of me! God entrusted him to me for some reason, and I had to figure out the best life possible for him. ... The womb should be the safest place, not the most dangerous. Mothers should protect their children, and fight for their rights, not destroy them.”
The Evil
In 1990, Kathleen’s vision was brutally interrupted. A 20-year-old junior at the Ignatius Institute, a Great Books program based at the University of San Francisco, she got locked out of her apartment and sought refuge with a new acquaintance until she could contact her roommates.“Little did I know, I was walking into harm’s way,” Kathleen said. “He cooked me dinner, we had beers, and went to a party on campus. I couldn’t get in because I was underage, so he gave me the key to his place and said I could sleep in his bed. He would take the couch. When he returned in the middle of the night, he raped me.”
The next morning, Kathleen was in a state of shock. She told no one and took a shower, hoping to “clean it all away.” Only the manager at Kathleen’s job noticed something was wrong, but Kathleen insisted she was fine. “I didn’t tell a soul what had happened, hoping it would just go away,” she said.
A month later, she had several days of nausea. Unable to ignore it, she told a roommate.
“She joked, ‘Maybe you’re pregnant!’ and started laughing,” Kathleen said. “I was attending daily Mass at the time, and contemplating religious life, so she knew I wouldn’t put myself in the position to be pregnant. I suddenly recalled that night and knew she might be right. I took a test the next morning and it was positive.”
For 11 consecutive nights, Kathleen avoided telling her parents. But when she finally did, she was met with love and reassurance; they even offered to adopt the baby and promised to support any life-giving decision Kathleen made.
God’s Will
For Kathleen, her baby was God’s will, and knowing that a family who longed and prayed for a child would receive him “turned this great darkness into beauty and gave it meaning.”“Abortion was never an option for us,” Kathleen said. “From the moment of conception, when the sperm enters the egg and a zygote is formed, a new unique individual with its own genetically unique DNA is formed. Nothing else is added as it develops, except nutrition. ... This is science, and people can lie to themselves all they want to try and justify the deliberate destruction of this life—but it is clear that abortion is the murder of the most vulnerable of human beings.
“Many people, even so-called pro-life people, think that rape gives the mother the exception to terminate the life of her child. Killing the unborn child doesn’t take the rape away but adds the guilt of a mother knowing she destroyed the life inside her. It punishes the baby for the sins of the father with the death penalty, and gives the father the ‘out’ he wants.”
Kathleen’s mother was herself adopted and had met her birth mom for the first time when Kathleen was eight years old, watching the story unfold and thinking it was “so cool.” Kathleen’s mother also learned that her birth mom had tried to abort her three times.
“We all thank God abortion was illegal in 1945, or she and her children would not have existed,” Kathleen said.
Turning Darkness Into Beauty
By looking through hundreds of family profiles, Kathleen realized her core values. She wanted her baby to be placed with practicing Catholics, parents who valued education and good humor in equal measure, and a stay-at-home mom who would dote on her son. By identifying these values, Kathleen also found a profile for her future husband.The first couple Kathleen chose fell pregnant after 13 years of infertility, right before Kathleen was due to meet them. She asked them to help her choose a new family and also reached out to her priest. Both came back within a week to recommend the same couple: Barry and Liz Sullivan of Maryland, Washington.
“Barry is a nuclear engineer, and Liz is an accountant who has worked part-time for her church,” Kathleen said. “They came to Spokane to meet my family and me for a few days with their 5-year-old adopted daughter and it felt as if we had known each other all our lives.”
A few weeks before her baby’s due date, Kathleen visited a Catholic bookshop with her mom and a name jumped out at her: Nathan, meaning “a gift from God.” Kathleen kept the name to herself, wanting the Sullivans to have the honor of naming their son, but then Liz revealed they were torn between two names: Jason and Nathan.
“My heart skipped a beat and I told her about the bookstore,” Kathleen said. “She said, ‘Then Nathan it is!’ I truly believe that God names each of us and inspires those who name us.”
‘So Much Peace’
Kathleen gave birth to Nathan in Spokane, surrounded by loved ones. She feared that she would not be able to break her parents’ hearts by placing their grandchild in the arms of another mother, but neither she nor her parents shed tears. Peace filled the room as Kathleen “held and loved” her baby.She kept Nathan for two nights in the hospital and four days at home, to get to know him and introduce him to family. The Sullivans arrived on day three.
“We baptized him on day four and had a handing-over ceremony, where Barry welcomed all of us into their family and said we could visit, call, or write whenever we wanted to. It was emotional and beautiful,” Kathleen said, adding that without her relationship with God, she isn’t sure if she could have been at “so much peace” about her decision.
Kathleen’s tears came on day six when she placed Nathan in his adoptive mother’s arms. “I sobbed such a cry of loss, and through tears [Liz] uttered, ‘Thank you,’ like I have never heard before,” said Kathleen, who held onto the baby while the adoption was finalized at the courthouse, and all the way to the airport.
“I don’t remember this, but my mom and brother said the airport was silent as everyone knew what was happening, and strangers were crying and praying. She said she and my brother had to support me as we walked out of the airport,” Kathleen said. “After I got home, I cried for days.”
Kathleen grieved. She struggled with her “post-baby body.” She taught a vacation Bible school for kids to keep her mind occupied and returned to college less than two months after Nathan was born but cried every night in secret. When Barry invited her to visit for spring break, when Nathan was 10 months old, she “thought he was crazy,” but went anyway. It turned out to provide the closure she needed.
She said: “The minute I walked into their home on a lovely cul-de-sac and saw his sister playing with him and the loving home I hoped to have one day, I was completely at peace with my decision. I no longer cried at night, and was so glad I went.”
Strength and Grace
Kathleen met her future husband, Luis, at college. They were both in the Great Books program and the pro-life club, and attended nightly Mass. But it was Kathleen’s story that cemented her husband’s crush.“We had been at a pool party and were riding in a van back to campus,” Kathleen said. “He sat in the row behind me and he saw me showing pictures from my trip to a girlfriend. He asked if that was my little brother in the pictures, and my girlfriend blurted out that he was my son. My husband said his heart dropped.
“I then explained that I placed him for adoption 10 months earlier and had just visited him and his new family at their home,” she said. “At that moment, in his mind, he said he was going to marry me. ... I had been worried I would never find a good Catholic man who would want to marry me since I had had a baby but instead I found a man who loved me because of my decision, not despite it.”
The couple tied the knot and welcomed three children. Kathleen exchanged letters, gifts, and phone calls with Nathan as the years went by but did not see him again until Nathan was 17 years old. They “immediately hit it off,” and Kathleen’s kids adored him.
When Nathan moved to the Bay Area at 21, he grew closer to his birth family, even inviting them to his wedding. He inspired his half-brothers to follow in his footsteps and become Eagle Scouts. They also attended the same college and still see Nathan weekly.
Kathleen told The Epoch Times: “I never could have dreamed that our story would turn out so beautifully, that we would still be like family to this day, that I would find a husband greater than the man of my dreams, that we would have our own three beautiful children, and that my boys would become so close to Nathan.”
Kathleen insists that women are stronger than abortion lobbyists give them credit for. To every expectant mother, she insists that God “loves the precious life that lives within you,” no matter the circumstances of the pregnancy.
“Love this baby, and know that he or she is meant to be in this world,” Kathleen said. “Do everything in your power to give him the best life possible, whether that be through raising that baby yourself, or placing it with a loving family that longs for and will love your child so much, and will love you in return.”
