Most people buy wine randomly. That appears to be the case from what I’ve observed in supermarkets. I heard one woman say she liked a particular chardonnay because it had a blue label. Another shopper said he wanted to try a dark red wine, like Chianti.
I need not say that the color of the label has nothing to do with the quality of the wine or that Chianti rarely is a dark red wine. But wine knowledge isn’t mandatory for most wine buyers.
Then there are the wine buyers who buy wine after having read something in the store that’s intended to influence what we end up buying. It’s called a shelf talker.
“Shelf talkers” are those little three- or four-inch paper slips that we see hanging on supermarket racks and bins or affixed to cardboard cases that try to summarize, in a few words, the kind of wine the store is trying to sell. Some stores use so many shelf talkers that it sounds like a flock of pigeons when you walk by them.
Some wines can best be described as “wet” and little else. There’s not much to recommend them. This represents almost all wines that sell for extremely little.
Fine wines, which are typically a bit more expensive, generally are fairly complex products, and trying to reduce them to one or two words entails lots of creativity, not to mention a subtle bit of lying. So we come to the situation where euphemism replaces accuracy, and the shelf talker is akin to facts as relayed by a politician: falsities that are intended to impress. Accuracy is optional.
Here are a few of my pet peeves that I have seen on various shelf talkers, case cards, and other printed material that is intended to get us to part with some of our mammon. And pardon my cynicism.
‘Crisp’
This term is intended to describe a wine that is rather tart. It would best be used to describe a French Chablis or a Muscadet, wines that are aimed at working well with delicate seafood dishes such as poached halibut. Alas, I have often seen this term used to describe chardonnays that were soft and clumsy and not crisp at all.‘Generous’ or ’Powerful’
These two terms often are used to describe fairly rich red wines, but I often find that they are usually euphemisms for high alcohol. I saw them used recently to refer to a 16 percent alcohol zinfandel. I’m not a big fan of wines like this. Excessive alcohol actually covers up flavor.‘96 Points’
The use of numbers close to 100 indicates that the wine received a high score from someone. The size of the shelf talker mitigates against stating who gave it the exalted score, which could mean just about anyone.‘Gold Medal’
The previous paragraph explains this term. Where did the wine get its gold medal? From a third-grade teacher?‘Exotic’
A vague term that could mean “strange.”‘Reserve Quality’
A meaningless phrase intended to sell a wine that’s not worth its price tag.‘Cellar Selection’
Drink within a week.Wine of the Week
2020 Cline Family Zinfandel, Contra Costa County, “Ancient Vines” ($26): Lots of strawberry and blackberry aromas pervade the nose of this husky red wine that benefits from decanting for two hours. The Cline family has a long history of farming fruit in this remote foothill area, so the winemaking focused on ripe but not overripe flavors. Only 14.5 percent alcohol. Good value; occasionally seen for less than $20.
