I wrote this to my son in 2002 upon his high school graduation. I actually gave it to all three of my kids when they graduated. I’m proud to say, all three of them are wonderful people.
Jeff Sebek, California
To My Son
I’ve written this letter to you because I feel that a chapter in my life is closing. From the minute you were born, a feeling of unconditional love for you overwhelmed me. It sounds corny, but only three times in my life have I had this kind of feeling. I believe this unconditional love is something that a parent can have for their children and only their children. It is a special type of love that I think no one can hope to understand until they have children of their own. This unconditional love has carried me through the good times with you as well as the difficult times. I will continue to love you the rest of my life.
In no particular order of importance is dear ole dad’s key’s to a successful life:
Character. Your character is defined by who you are when no one is looking. I can’t improve on that definition, so I am not going to try. Your character sets the tone of your life. It’s who you are all the time. Sure, you can fool some of the people some of the time, but your true character can never be disguised for long. Character is finding a wallet and returning it with every dollar in it. Character is telling someone they have given you too much change. Character is doing what’s right when you don’t want to.
Humor. Never take yourself too seriously. I’ve found that having a sense of humor and being able to laugh at yourself, oftentimes is the escape valve from much of life’s difficult situations. Your sense of humor should not be at the expense of someone else’s feelings.
Confidence and Humility. Be sure of yourself in what you say and what you do. Knowledge seeds confidence and humility keeps it under control. Don’t confuse cocky for confident. All of us have moments of uncertainty. Don’t be afraid to admit when you need help.
Work Ethic. Find something that excites you and work your tail off pursuing it. Until you find that “something,” work your tail off looking for it. Work harder at your job than the person next to you. Get to work early and stay late if that is what it takes. You may get discouraged at times that your hard work may not be appreciated. Rise above your disappointment because, in time, hard work always pays off.
Sports. The toy department of life. As you get older, sports should become less important in your life. Focus on your education and surround yourself with good people.
Health. Don’t assume you’ll always be in the good health you are in now. Take good care of your body—you get just one. There are a lot of bad things people do to their bodies, especially when they are young.
Temper. You control it—don’t let it control you. We all have a temper. A temper used sparingly can be very effective in your life. A temper out of control brings hardship and unhappiness to your life. If your temper gets the worst of you, remember the antidote: “I’m sorry.” It doesn’t work all the time, but it helps most of the time. To be able to say I am sorry is not a sign of weakness, rather it is a sign of strength. Two other sets of words are important to use in your life. One set is “thank you” and the other is “I love you.” I can not promise you that using these words will bring you happiness, but I can promise you that not using those words will bring sadness to your life.
Honor. Your word is your personal promise that tells a friend or stranger, “You can trust me.” It is a very important trait that helps define the core of who you are. A handshake of agreement should mean no less than your signature.
Wisdom is not how smart you are, but rather what you do with your smarts.
Compassion. Care about people who are not as fortunate as you (and there are billions who fit this description) and have sympathy for those who are sad. Without compassion, the soul becomes dark and cold.
God. There is a God and he loves you and watches you every day. Right now, you are not looking for him, but when you do, he will be right in front of you with open arms.
Spouse. Choose your spouse wisely. The most important decision of your life will be who you decide to marry. Look for someone who will be a life partner, who will be by your side through the “good times and the bad.” Ask your family and your best friends what they think of the person you are thinking of marrying and listen to what they have to say. People who love you will give you good advice.
I said that these thoughts were in no particular order, but that’s not true. The above thoughts are not in any particular order of importance but this last thought is. It is about happiness and gratitude. Happiness and gratitude are the most important keys to life next to loving God. If you are not happy, these other things I have mentioned become unimportant. Being a happy person is the blueprint to life. The other thoughts are the building materials.
There is a “secret to happiness”—it is called gratitude. All happy people are grateful, and ungrateful people cannot be happy. We tend to think that it is being unhappy that leads people to complain, but it is more accurate to say that it is complaining that leads to people becoming unhappy. Become grateful and you will become a much happier person. When you think you deserve something, you are in trouble. Expect little and appreciate a lot.
Gratitude, the most important component of happiness, is largely dependent upon receiving what we do not expect to receive. That is why for example, when we give children so much that they come to expect more and more, we actually deprive them of the ability to be happy—because they have less and less gratitude!
(I stole a few great words from Dennis Prager.)
Being happy is not a given in life. It is something that only you can seek for yourself. It will not just come to you. You have to work at being happy and you can only be happy if you are grateful for the things you have and for the people in your life. Your adult life is just beginning. I hope what I have written has meaning for you. I wish you the greatest success and happiness that this world can offer.
Lovingly,
Dad
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