Shouting, in the right context, is a clear indication of anger. For some, it may feel like the only mode of expression that will get a heated point across. For others, it is stressful, frightening, and destructive.
So what really causes people to get angry these days?
Anger arises due to how we interpret a certain situation and react to it. Though everyone has their own triggers to what really makes them angry, some of the common ones include injustice, losing patience, and a feeling that your opinion is not considered or appreciated.
The Distance of the Heart
To unpack the phenomenon of shouting, an allegory of the distance between two hearts provides a helpful illustration of the emotional distance that anger creates.For two people who are angry at each other, the distance between their two hearts, both literal and figurative, is substantial. They are not in sync and are not emotionally responsive to one another. In order for their words to traverse this distance, they will have to be said loudly enough for the other person to hear. When two hearts are distant, shouting compensates.
Shouting, however, often evokes even greater anger in the recipient. As both parties shout, the distance between them also grows, and so the shouting grows louder and louder.
However, for two people in love, their hearts are both literally and figuratively close together. They understand one another, thus soft speech suffices and shouting is not necessary.
People communicate their needs and feelings constantly. While facial expressions, mannerisms, and chosen words play a huge role, the tone and volume of the voice are paramount.
Two people in an intimate relationship, be it as friends, a married couple, or familiar co-workers, have traversed the need to communicate their feelings as conspicuously as they may do with a stranger. People who are close feel understood by the other person and can speak softly, knowing that they will still be heard.
In moments of anger, however, when the intimate distance between two people has temporarily dissipated, the angry parties feel less understood by one another. Frustration overrides other feelings, and the angry person feels the need to raise their voice in order to be heard.
Shouting: A Slippery Slope
The pitch, volume, and clarity of the voice combine to give the “listener” in any argument clues about the way the other person’s message needs to be interpreted. The problem with a raised voice, however, is that more often than not, it is the aggression that is conveyed instead of the message within.This aggression can easily fall down a slippery slope toward verbal domination and even physical violence. Not to mention, the “listener’s” receptivity is compromised by all the angry shouting; at best, they are simply waiting for their own turn to lash out with angry words.
“If we motivate through a positive, encouraging, and persuasive approach,” Brown suggests, “we are more apt to create a positively influenced environment.”
By avoiding shouting, we practice self-control, competence, and social grace. Best of all, we stand a better chance of being heard. But how do we achieve this?
How to Avoid Raising Your Voice
Check yourself: If you notice yourself flushing with anger and starting to yell, stop yourself mid-sentence. Reframe your thinking by considering whether or not your point is clear and what is the best way to say it.Pay attention to the sights and sounds of your environment; the distractions might lessen the impulse to shout.
Also remember that when anger is provoked, shouting need not be the only route to getting a point across. By practicing compassionate communication we can lessen the distance between our hearts exponentially.