Tips for Overcoming the Reality of Holiday Stress

Engaging in favorite activities can bring relaxation and joy amid the stress of the holidays. Biba Kayewich

A friend of mine recently told me: “Each year I approach the holiday season with a combination of delight and dread. I love the music, decorations, and family time. But I hate the busyness, rushing around, and never-ending to-do list.”

Then she added, “I already deal with enough anxiety in my everyday life, and the holidays seem to double it.”

I bet you can relate to my friend’s comments. And I bet you agree with two statements about the holiday season:

1. This time of year provides many opportunities to celebrate, enjoy traditions, and gather together with friends and family.
2. This time of year escalates the anxiety and stress level for most people, eroding the joyful spirit of the season.

These statements are more than mere speculation—research confirms that most people feel a heavier anxiety burden in November and December than the rest of the year. In a 2015 study, 62 percent of respondents described their stress level as “very or somewhat” elevated during the holidays, and only 1 in 10 people reported no stress uptick.

The same study showed the top three reasons for higher stress during the holidays:

• Increased financial demands
• Difficult interpersonal dynamics with family members
• Slippage of healthy habits, such as regular exercise and adequate sleep

We can add to this list other reasons people get stressed this time of year:

• More social obligations added to already crowded schedules
• The headaches and hassles of holiday travel
• Shopping among crowds of people
• Working long hours 
• Overwhelming hype and commercialism

It’s not surprising, then, that the American Psychological Association reports that the most commonly felt negative emotions during the holidays include stress, fatigue, irritability, and sadness.

Engaging in favorite activities can bring relaxation and joy amid the stress of the holidays. Biba Kayewich

High Expectations Meet Real Life

The cultural image of the holidays, fueled by glittering media images, is a delightful time of family harmony, delicious feasts, brightly lit houses, hot chocolate beside a roaring fireplace, and wide-eyed children savoring every moment.

Those kinds of heartwarming experiences do happen for most of us. Sometimes. Some years. But they certainly don’t happen every year. And even during years when we find ourselves having a relatively merry Christmas, it’s likely that the merriness coexists with other, less cheerful emotions.

In other words, life isn’t a Hallmark movie.

Sometimes, the cheery holiday images and grand expectations only emphasize the painful gap between the Hallmark holiday dream and real life.

Who hasn’t had “real life” intrude at holiday time? You experience more stress than serenity, more tension than tranquility. Often, the holidays can feel like a season to endure rather than enjoy. With this in mind, let’s look at specific strategies to minimize holiday-time anxiety and maximize enjoyment:

Make your health and well-being a priority. One of the best things you can do to handle holiday stress is to fortify your health and body. Get outdoor exercise: walk, run, bike, or hike for at least 20 to 30 minutes, breathing deeply and enjoying a boost of vitamin D. Eating nourishing meals, staying hydrated with plenty of water, getting enough sleep, and exercising regularly will relieve feelings of stress and anxiety, improve your mood, and energize your body, brain, and emotions.

Maintain activities that replenish you. If you’re not careful, holiday busyness can preoccupy you to the extent that you forget the activities that used to bring you relaxation and joy. A big part of healthy self-care is continuing the endeavors that invigorate you and make you smile.

Take a moment to identify at least five activities that bring you joy. These might be meeting a friend for coffee, taking your pooch to the dog park, seeing a movie, or going to a concert. Then begin scheduling these activities and following through. Maintaining your enjoyment is not selfish; it’s vital to your well-being.

Limit your commitments. Most of us have agendas and schedules that are full to overflowing. And holiday activities create even more overflow. One reason is that we’re not good at saying no to new requests and opportunities. But you can say no to some things so you can say yes to others. Learn the fine art of gracefully declining: “That sounds wonderful, but unfortunately I just can’t accept at this time.” There, you’ve just gained yourself more time and energy.

Protecting your time from overcommitments that are within your control to refuse may not be easy, but it’s one of the most effective things you can do to reduce your holiday anxiety.

Avoid procrastination. In a study of 2,527 men and women, procrastination was consistently linked with higher stress, more anxiety, depression, and fatigue, and reduced satisfaction with life. In addition, there are numerous studies focused on students that establish the connection between procrastination, anxiety, depression, and reduced social integration.

Procrastination means putting off tasks because of anxiety, which will only increase future anxiety. Because anxiety and procrastination are circular, disrupting behavior anywhere in the circle can be helpful. Reducing anxiety can help you procrastinate less, and reducing procrastination can lead to a decrease in anxiety.

Enlist support. Living with persistent anxiety can make you feel isolated and alone. But all around you is a healthy array of people who are going through what you’re facing, and studies have shown that social support can help you build resilience against stress and provide you with practical ideas for dealing with anxiety.

Do not hesitate to reach out to a close friend, counselor, or mentor for help and mutual support. Supportive relationships give you a healthy outlet to process your emotions and strengthen you to handle life’s challenges.

Embrace healthy escapes. When we are stressed, it’s tempting to turn to unhealthy escapes such as excessive eating, spending, or alcohol consumption. That’s because we want to do something to change our mood. Of course, the list of unhelpful and unhealthy escapes could go on and on. These diversions may help us temporarily forget about the stress of our lives, but they will eventually leave us even more stressed than ever.

Thankfully, not all escapes are negative or destructive. In fact, taking a mental and emotional break from the source of stress is a powerful way to improve how you cope, transform your perspective, and help you identify anxiety-reducing solutions. A healthy escape could be as simple as spending an hour with a good book by the fireplace, taking a walk in nature, or doing a jigsaw puzzle.

Pivot away from perfectionism. Perfectionists are people who expect themselves to always perform and be, well, perfect. They adopt an obsessive preoccupation with doing everything right. Since any slight mistake results in a negative response, this person spends a great deal of time and energy avoiding doing anything wrong. For many, the desire to create “magical” holiday moments amplifies perfectionistic tendencies.

You may find yourself going to any length to excel in whatever you do, taking up great amounts of time and energy, and shortchanging your own health and peace of mind in pursuit of the perfect. This year, adopt the attitude that “good enough is good enough.” You and your loved ones will enjoy the holidays just as much—or even more.

Distance yourself from drainers. Life is full of people, obligations, and tasks that siphon off our energy. Some we can’t avoid—but some we can and should. Cut back on car trips that leave you stuck in traffic. Steer clear of people who soak up your energy like a dry sponge in a puddle of water.

Intentionally slow down for a day. In our fast-paced society, it takes concerted effort to go against the frantic flow. Refuse to get caught up in the urgency imposed upon you. Linger over your morning coffee, allow extra time to get places, and go the speed limit.

Unplug for a while. There is a growing body of research into the effects of internet connections—particularly social media—on mental health. Studies consistently suggest a significant link between too much time spent online and elevated depression and anxiety.

For at least 24 hours, put down your device and take a break. If you need help with that, numerous apps exist to assist you in sticking with your resolve to unplug. Write in your journal about the experience.

Say this short prayer to move toward tranquility. Freedom from anxiety is one theme of the simple and familiar Serenity Prayer, by Reinhold Niebuhr: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.” Saying this prayer will enable you to recognize the issues you can influence and let go of things you cannot.