Serena Williams bounces the tennis ball five times before her first serve, two times before her second. A famous soccer player only steps onto the field with his right foot. And one of the greatest pianists in the world was only able to relax before going on stage when he had his small pink plastic lobster in his pocket.
Ties That Bind, or Not
Chapter after chapter, Norton illustrates how rituals have found their way into our lives, how they help us survive the holidays, find meaning in work, and nurture a marriage or friendship. The author does make a point to share that, while rituals enhance our lives, sometimes they can be taken too far. They can cause tension, conflict, and become more harmful than helpful; that something that binds us together can also be divisive.Take for example, toilet paper. It was the late 1970s and Ann Landers, the popular columnist, wrote about her preference to hang toilet paper with the paper rolling over, instead of under. That innocent comment spawned an onslaught of mail, some heated because it was also an intense debate in households across the country. Landers never forgot that column, saying that she never could escape “the toilet tissue issue.” Rituals connect us to our “tribe,” says Norton, and if another tribe does something a different way, they’re seen as different, maybe even bad, and this example shows what can happen.
Work and Love
There are two factors in our lives where rituals play key roles: in our work and in our romantic relationships. Examples of work rituals include Wal-Mart employees beginning their shifts with a call out of the letters that spell the company name, for example, “Give me a W!” At Google, new hires wear a beanie hat with propellers. At another company, an employee describes a ritual that he and his other four coworkers perform: They each take a day of the week, choose a restaurant to order from, and eat together in a conference room. This, he says, breaks the monotony of the workday.
With holidays approaching, Norton shares this insight: Rituals allow family gatherings to have what he calls “a helpful script.” After years of starting the Thanksgiving meal at 2 p.m., there’s no chance of anyone arguing for a different time. If Aunt Edna always sits in a certain seat, then the placement of family members is not open for discussion.
A Higher Purpose
As we mature from child to adult, something shifts as the elders pass on, and the rituals need to be carried on by the next generation. Norton writes about his own experience, “When I became a father, it suddenly dawned on me that I was in charge of making sure the traditions and the lore got passed down.”In a thorough and convincing style, and plenty of research to back up his theories, readers will come away with a new appreciation of their everyday actions that they may have attributed to obsessive-compulsive behaviors, but, rather, have a higher purpose.
When not writing bestsellers, 2022’s “Fixing the Planet” and 2013’s “Happy Money,” Norton is a professor at Harvard Business School and focuses his research on behavioral economics and well-being. His research has been published in national magazines and CNN. His “How to Buy Happiness” TED talk has been viewed over 4 million times.
