Driven by faith, a Texas couple with three biological children adopted three siblings out of foster care, growing from a family of five to a family of eight.
However, amid all the moments of the chaos of a six-child household, the Mills family home in Abilene, Texas, is filled to the rafters with love.
Siblings Xavier, 10, Marie, 9, and Cristian, 8, joined the family of five—consisting of parents Jake and Erin Mills and their three biological kids, Kennedi, 13, Joshua, 8, and Hannah, 6—after they were officially adopted on Dec. 23, 2021. The couple say they knew it was forever even before they had met the siblings they fondly call “the trio.”
The Mills couple were still in the process of becoming licensed foster parents in the state of Texas when they got the call from their foster care agency.
“Their birth mother’s rights had just been terminated,” Jake told The Epoch Times, “and the agency knew it would be very difficult to find a family who would want to adopt a sibling group of three older kids. They thought we might be a good fit.”
Time was tight, but Jake, a missionary and pastor for 17 years, and Erin, a teacher, missionary, and stay-at-home mom, had time to pray and seek counsel from friends and mentors before making their life-changing decision.
Xavier, Marie, and Cristian had been in and out of foster homes their whole lives. Their birth father was absent, and their birth mother struggled with mental illness and drug addiction. She passed away from an overdose a few weeks after losing her parental rights in the summer of 2021.
Yet despite their trauma—memories of living in an RV with their birth mom, being left home alone for days at a time, having attended seven different schools, and numerous foster homes—the trio was “miraculously, remarkably healthy,” said Jake.
“We were committed to not causing more rejection in these precious kids’ lives, so we knew we would have to be fully committed before they ever heard we were interested in adopting them,” the couple said. “Our agency organized a ’respite care' weekend where we took the kids, to give the other foster family a break. Honestly, we had already decided that God wanted us to adopt them by that time.”
As to Jake and Erin’s biological kids; Kennedi, Joshua, and Hannah, they were over the moon on hearing about the adoption. Joshua, in particular, was desperate for brothers.
“We’ve tried to raise them to live open-handed and share their lives with those in the greatest need,” said Jake, “so when we told them about the trio’s situation, they teared up and said, ‘We have to adopt them!’”
All eight were very emotional on their day in court, said Jake, and it was a “big deal” for the happy trio to have their names changed to Mills. Next came the task of integrating the adopted siblings into their family home.
“Some of the most memorably amazing moments have been the things the kids have said throughout the process,” Jake told The Epoch Times. “When we told them we were going to adopt them, and explained what that meant, Xavier cried and said, ‘I’m just so happy I don’t have to be a foster kid without a family anymore!’
“On the day they moved in, at dinner when we were doing ‘highs and lows,’ Cristian said, ‘My high is that we came here, and it’s not for a week or a weekend; it’s forever. I’m proud that I was patient, because I’ve been really patient to come here!’”
Jake was equally touched with some of the first moments together, such as the first time Marie asked if she could sit on his lap during a movie, the first time each child said they loved their adoptive parents, and the first time they told him he was the “best dad ever.” However, he says adoption is “not all rainbows and cotton candy.” While grace abounds, there are many challenges, too.
Out of frustration or anger, the adopted siblings have lashed out with harsh words toward their new sisters and brother, have sometimes told lies, and have struggled to overcome the coping and survival mechanisms they’ve had their entire lives.
The Millses reasoned: “With a history of abuse behind them, you can imagine why they would default to doing everything in their power to avoid conflict and confrontation. These precious kids haven’t been in a family like ours before; it’s taken some time for them to get used to having rules and boundaries, even though they’ve never faltered in their desire to be in our family.”
The couple says the old adage is true: It takes a village. With immense support from their parents and their church, they’ve found routines that work for them in which the input of the kids themselves—who all pitch in with chores—is integral.
With their shared Christian faith, the 8-strong Mills family also keeps God at the center of their home and all that they do. They read the Bible together every night, take turns praying at dinner, and attend church on Sundays and Wednesdays.
Firm believers in what they call “connected parenting,” Jake and Erin work to build trust with all their kids, conceding that it’s “just a little easier with the kids that have been in your house their whole lives. ... with the adopted ones, you have to work harder.”
One way in which the couple build trust is by taking turns escorting their three boys, or three girls, on a monthly outing to a favorite eatery for some crucial “one-on-one time.” It’s a chance to spend quality time listening and asking questions, Jake said.
After having lived in 3 different places over 13 years—China, Wisconsin (where their interest in fostering was born), and Illinois—Erin and Jake moved back to Abilene in 2021. Jake serves on the staff at Beltway Park Church, and Erin is director of engagement for Beltway’s Foster and Adoption Ministry, as well as a new ministry called Foster325.
They have fostered six children to date.
After such a rich and rewarding experience, the Millses urge others to consider becoming foster parents. “Our world is full of kids that need homes, it’s a crisis of epic proportions,” they said, adding that their own journey into adoption would never have happened without God.
“Our faith is what drives us to take this risk, and it’s what gives us the strength to see it through,” Jake said. “God is with us at every turn, good days and bad, when we succeed and when we fail, when we feel like experts and when we feel like utter amateurs.
