A Texas mother of five doesn’t believe in blindly parenting or following something just because others think it’s normal. She believes in tackling problems at the root: working on our hearts and minds, the only thing that matters in the end.
One of her parenting rules is that her teen children can’t have a phone until they can accomplish some basic but important tasks.
“Phones aren’t the problem. The problem, at the heart of the issue, is the things that phones can cause ... the addiction and being mean to other people,” 44-year-old homesteader Caroline Ruth Nelson told The Epoch Times.
Mrs. Nelson says smartphones, social media, and certain apps give kids “lots of dopamine hits” that can harm their brain and development, rendering them unable to deal with “anything uncomfortable.”
She can’t emphasize this enough.
“I can’t imagine my grandson (2 ½ years old) being given a phone just to be quiet at the grocery store,” she said. “Why not talk to your kid? Tell them what you’re doing; what you’re buying; engage with them.
‘Homeschooling Is a Lifestyle’
Mrs. Nelson and her husband, Clint Nelson, a custom furniture and cabinet builder, live in San Antonio with their children. Having grown up on ranches, they are no strangers to hard work, and life hasn’t been easy for them.Coming from Colorado and with all of her children born there, Mrs. Nelson’s first husband left them after 20 years. She has been married to Mr. Nelson for the last six years, and he is helping her navigate the teenage years with several of her children. Together, the couple takes care of animals and their extensive garden, all while instilling faith and an ethic of hard work in their children.
“I want them to be God-fearing, good citizens of their communities that are loving and kind,” she said.
When her oldest son was in the 5th grade, she felt that he wasn’t allowed to just be a boy while at school. Though she was familiar with the idea of homeschooling, it felt foreign to her. However, after seeing the effect of public school on her son, she felt driven to investigate the option further.
Knowing a couple of homeschooling moms, she wanted to see what it was all about.
“I went to their homes, and I spent a day with them to see what homeschooling looked like and asked them a ton of questions,” she said. “One of the moms told me ... homeschooling is a lifestyle. It’s the way you live life with your kids.”
The advice resonated with Mrs. Nelson, and she plunged headfirst into teaching herself to homeschool. She learned about different educational philosophies such as unschooling, but ended up sticking most closely to the Charlotte Mason approach, where a child is encouraged to read great books and explore the natural world.
Mrs. Nelson said, “When they were young, I really let them be young and really explore the world. Lots of museums, lots of outdoor trips, field trips, and learning about the world around them.”
Only one thing was simply off limits for her children: a smartphone.
Rules for Getting a Phone
One of the ways Mrs. Nelson hopes to instill goodness in her children is through rules and guiding principles that keep them grounded. She says there is not even a conversation about her children having phones until they are around 13 years old, and, even then, she acknowledges every child is different.First, they need to know how to build a fire. Second, they need to be able to cook a meal. Third, they need to be able to ask for directions. Fourth, they need to be able to do their own laundry. The last is that they need to be able to listen, obey, and communicate face-to-face with their parents.
Mrs. Nelson believes these skills are evidence they are learning responsibility—something they need if they have a smartphone.
“If you’re having to take responsibility for doing your own laundry; cooking a meal, you’re showing some [responsibility],” she said.
Her children, she says, can then prove they are responsible by using their phones wisely and making smart choices about serious problems, like pornography, that are inherent in having a phone.
Mrs. Nelson believes this is also evidence of trust in the relationship. She and her husband are showing good faith in their child, trusting them to make good choices. Their children also learn to trust that she and her husband are making the best choices for them.
‘We Shouldn’t Be Blindly Parenting’
Speaking of the reactions to her videos, Mrs. Nelson said, “It’s like the Wild West.”Some love the guidelines she has set up while others are full of vitriol, saying that her children will hate her because she has set up strict regulations for them.
She’s grateful for the positive comments from other parents who are inspired to do the same; they note that setting up these guidelines is like a rite of passage.
No matter the comments, Mrs. Nelson’s stance is as firm as ever: “We shouldn’t be blindly parenting in the first place, let alone giving our kids a phone,” she said.
To Mrs. Nelson, helping her children grow into the adults she hopes they will be is so much more than just controlling when and how they use a phone. The most important thing to her is being together as a family and developing as well-rounded people.
“We are pretty athletic,” she said. “I am the commissioner for our homeschool cross-country athletic division, so all my kids run well.”
In addition to running cross-country and track, she says they play video games and go camping and fishing, among many other outdoor things. Her husband has taught them to use tools, so they can help him at work as well as around the house with remodeling and simple repairs.
Through the time spent as a family building trust and communication, Mrs. Nelson hopes that, more than anything, she is instilling her Christian faith.
“Our whole family, everything is based off the Bible and just the words we see in Scripture and how God created us in His image,” she said.
She also hopes that people can see in her videos, that she is portraying the idea that people of faith are caring and compassionate.
“I want people to see that we can be loving Christian families and still disagree with people. There doesn’t have to be hatred and animosity, especially against ... our different ways of raising our families,” she said.
