An opera singer who realized her conservative values were incompatible with a career in the liberal arts found her true calling as a wife and mother. She explains how taking on a traditional gender role has led to feeling happy, fulfilled, and empowered as a woman.
Currently pregnant with her second child, content creator Abby Roth, 29, grew up Orthodox Jewish in Los Angeles, California, as the youngest of four siblings. As a young adult, she earned three degrees in opera singing over seven years and has performed around the country. However, in 2017, just two weeks after meeting her now-husband Jacob Roth, she realized she was chasing the wrong dream.
Abby told The Epoch Times that “classical music is glorious” and she felt blessed to be able to create music on stage with a full orchestra behind her, but gradually the left-leaning culture prevalent in her workplace began overshadowing her beliefs.
“At its core, the opera world is still very much the arts world,” she said. “[But] the arts at this point in time are overtaken by the leftist ideology. I kept my political views very much under wraps for fear of being blacklisted.
“During my time in the opera world, I found myself being taken in by everything I was surrounded with, mostly due to loneliness and my own lack of vigilance when it came to keeping myself apprised of the issues.”
Faith, Family, Community
Two weeks after meeting Jacob in 2017, Abby headed to Colorado’s Aspen Music Festival. She didn’t want to indulge in the opera culture of socializing over drinks and “hanging out with singles” and felt isolated and alone.“It was the pinnacle of my career. I should have been on top of the world; instead, I kept thinking, ‘I’ve just met the man I’m probably going to marry and now I’m alone,’” she said. "I didn’t want to put myself in those situations as a woman in a serious relationship, and I knew that wouldn’t change as my career progressed.
“It became clear over the course of the time we were dating and engaged that what I really wanted out of life—a strong marriage, to be present for my children, to be actively engaged in my faith community—was not compatible with a life onstage.”
When the couple tied the knot at the age of 24, a year after meeting, in May 2018, Jacob was in his last year of law school, and Abby was working remotely as a copy editor.
“In more superficial ways, I cooked dinner for us because I enjoyed it, and I usually kept the house clean because I noticed it more than he did,” she said. “But, in a bigger sense, the role of a traditional wife is the same as the role of a traditional husband; it’s embracing the importance of tradition ... recognizing the three fundamental basics every home is built on: faith, family, and community.”
Different Roles
Today, Abby lives in Florida with Jacob and their 15-month-old son. Abby feels blessed that her husband’s career allows for her to stay home and raise their baby; far from feeling oppressed in her chosen role, she feels empowered as a woman.She wakes up with her son around 6:45 a.m., gets him changed, and then immediately eats breakfast with him. They take a walk “early enough in the day” so that her toddler son doesn’t fall asleep in the stroller. Then comes cleaning up the house, quality play time, and laundry followed by chores. Abby’s mom often stops by to help for an hour or so, and once the baby’s up, they often go to the library or a local park, then pick up some groceries before Abby heads home to make dinner for the family.
“Once Daddy’s home, we’ll all go swimming or play together, and then we eat dinner. Then it’s the bedtime routine,” she said. “A day in my life is wonderfully simple, and I’m so lucky for that!
“Of course, my husband helps around the house. But there’s often that little bit of resentment in the back of your head, saying, ‘Why does he get to sit down after his work day and I don’t?’ The answer is, simply, our roles are different. ... my husband does appreciate me and he shows it all the time. I have to appreciate myself, I have to recognize that what I do has worth and that God wants me to do what’s right by my family.”
Shattering Misconceptions
After their son goes to bed, Abby and Jacob spend quality time together watching movies or TV, playing board games, or talking. “It’s the best life I could have asked for,” said Abby, who claims there are two major misconceptions about her chosen role as wife and stay-at-home mom.“The first is, ‘You must have internalized misogyny, and that’s the only way you could believe the things you do,’” she said. “That kind of talk drives me crazy because it assumes two things: one, that I’m too stupid to have my own thoughts, and two, that theoretically I should therefore take no responsibility for my actions, as my beliefs are not really my own.
“First of all, conservative women are incredible because we actively have to go out of our way to find the answers; we don’t simply trust everything the media throws our way. ... Second, at a certain point, we all have to take responsibility for the things we believe and the actions we take.
“The second misconception is, ‘You must hate women,’” Abby said. “There is nothing more ridiculous than this statement. Women are incredible, unique, strong, and the reason that society flourishes. ... We are capable of anything, the question is what we choose to use our capability for.”
A Classic Life
Abby credits her own mother for nurturing a happy home and providing a strong example of womanhood and motherhood. Ironically, her mother grew up “in the shadow of feminism,” which the pair often discussed as Abby found her own way as a wife, mom, and homemaker.“My mother and I are extremely close,” she said. “My mother is not afraid to tell me what I need to hear, but she’s also always there to help.”
Abby shared that her mother was “the primary breadwinner” in their family who always prioritized her family life over everything else: She was always there to kiss the kids at night; she made dinner for them “more often than not”; and she waited until all were asleep if she had to finish any of her work at the end of the day.
“We always knew that we came first,” Abby said.
“I wanted to show women why living a classic life would lead to more lasting meaning and happiness than all the advice they were getting from women’s magazines and TV shows,” Abby said. “Over time, it became clear to me that I needed to openly share that I was conservative because all of my advice about being classic stemmed from traditional values. I definitely have haters ... But I also have some wonderful women who appreciate a different point of view.”
Faith is paramount to Abby.
“As an Orthodox Jew, I feel so blessed to know the importance of a mother’s role,” she said. “I know that my worth as a woman has nothing to do with how wealthy I am, how many people know me on the street, or how high I ascend in my career. What I do for those around me, what I contribute to my community and the world, that’s what matters.
“Without strong families, without belief in God, and without warm and supportive communities, we have a declining society. If you believe in traditional values, you will necessarily be living out a classic life. A woman who knows her mission, a man who knows how to find meaning, purpose, and fulfillment, that’s classic, because what does classic really mean? Something that always fits, no matter the era.”
