Oh, How Guinea Pigs Multiply: ‘Pigs Is Pigs’

Ellis Parker Butler's story of how dishonesty makes a bigger problem

Guinea pigs cause a big problem for the Interurban Express Company in Ellis Parker Butler's story, "Pigs Is Pigs." Double portrait of Henrietta Ward’s Pet Guinea Pig," 1843, by James Ward. Public Domain

In his poem “Marmion,” Walter Scott says: “Oh, what a tangled web we weave ... when first we practice to deceive.” When dishonesty leads us in all that we do, even in small things, it will eventually overwhelm and consume us.

In his short story “Pigs Is Pigs,” Ellis Parker Butler shows, in following the gradual, growing journey of two guinea pigs, that dishonesty does not bring good results.

Two Pigs

After ordering two guinea pigs for his son, Mr. Morehouse goes to the Interurban Express Company to pick them up. However, the agent, Mike Flannery, tries to charge him the livestock rate of 30 cents rather than the pet rate of 25 cents.

Flannery keeps claiming: “Pigs is pigs. Guinea-pigs, or dago pigs or Irish pigs is all the same to the Interurban Express Company ... Th' nationality of the pig creates no differentiality in the rate.”

Since Flannery refuses to acknowledge the guinea pigs as pets, Morehouse refuses to pay. He leaves the two animals with Flannery.

Angry, Morehouse returns home and writes a complaint to the Interurban Express Company. He details the dishonesty and overcharge by Flannery. However, the company responds by telling him to contact the Claims Department instead.

Further upset, Morehouse writes a sarcastic and bitter letter to the Claims Department. In turn, they tell him that he should submit his complaint to the Tariff Department.

Morehouse writes a third letter to the Tariff Department clearly stating his situation and claims. He even inserts a quote from the encyclopedia about how guinea pigs are definitely not common pigs.

Growing Dishonesty and Pigs

In response to Morehouse’s complaints, the Tariff Department writes to Flannery to check the state and health of the two guinea pigs and to reassure him that “pigs is pigs.” Therefore, the guinea pigs should be labeled as pigs and their charge is 30 cents each.

When he arrives at Morehouse’s home, Flannery gives Morehouse a charge of $2.25. The charge has increased so much not only because the guinea pigs have multiplied to eight but also because Flannery paid for the cabbage to feed them.

Yet because Flannery still acknowledges the guinea pigs as common pigs, Morehouse refuses to pay and to take them. He slams the door in Flannery’s face, leaving Flannery with no choice but to take the guinea pigs back to the office with him.

Flannery and the rest of the Interurban Express Company soon come to realize that dishonesty will multiply one’s misfortunes and guinea pigs far quicker than one would expect. Eventually, Flannery and the company must deal with 4,270 guinea pigs that are continually multiplying.

Through this guinea-pig-ravaged story, Butler shows, as Louisa May Alcott says in “Little Men”: “Simple, genuine goodness is the best capital to found the business of this life upon. It lasts when fame and money fail, and is the only riches we can take out of this world with us.”

When we invest in honesty, benefits and blessings will increase. Our fairness in everything we do will multiply as quickly as guinea pigs do.