Well—I didn’t want to like it.
But see, this is what happens: the F&F franchise hits you relentlessly with a scatter-shot blast of dude-and-bro stuff that, if you’re a dude/bro, you probably like on some level. On many levels. They cover a wide range of dude things; throw a whole bunch of bro stuff up against the wall and see what sticks. And in my case it goes something like this:
“Oh, and look! There’s big, tough, Harley-Davidson-riding, funny Jason Momoa doing a villain role dressed all in billowy purple satin, driving a matching custom paint-job lavender Chevy Impala with Cragar mags, that matches his purple, lavender, and fuchsia fingernail polish, and doing a kind of campy, gay interpretation. Which is a hilarious choice for him to make and he steals the entire movie with it. I like macho Jason Momoa stealing the whole stupid car and thong bikini movie with hysterical feigned swishy-ness—I guess I’m having fun now!”
What Goes On
As mentioned, it’s got all the usual elements: fast, sexy cars, Brazilian beachwear, completely impossible computer-generated stunts that our dumbed-down society has now grown to think might be actually possible, and of course—family. It might be missing a plot that makes any kind of sense, but then, all of the so-called plots in this franchise are merely excuses to parade all the dude-and-bro stuff. So “Fast X” has that.
Now, the deal with Jason Momoa’s Dante Reyes: It’s revealed that his father (Joaquim de Almeida) was killed by the Fast and Furious boys 12 years ago. We also come to find out Dante’s a psycho, having been in juvie, psych wards, and prisons. And as mentioned, he’s a rather flamboyant fellow.
Dante wants to destroy everything Dominic loves. The path to this destruction involves lots of fast and furious car chases through São Paulo, Rome, and a small Portuguese village. There’s plenty of kicking, punching, and submission grappling moves, involving, most notably, Cipher (Charlize Theron) versus Letty (Michelle Rodriguez).
The whole gang is here: Ludacris, Tyrese Gibson, Sung Kang, Jordana Brewster, Brie Larson, and so on. Rito Moreno makes an appearance as Dom’s grandma. Bringing up the rear is the eternally young Dame Helen Mirren.
The Rock may or may not show up, and, in the same way there was once a link-up between the “Fast and Furious” muscle-car franchise, with Jason Statham’s “Tranpsorter” super-car franchise, if you stay for the post-credit-roll scene, you may find there’s a hook-up with yet another, giant franchise. (Hint: Which franchise started the whole post-credit-roll scene thing in the first place?)
So Many Stars, So Little Sense
Never known for its scintillating dialogue, “Fast X” belongs, entirely, to Jason Momoa. This may be the movie where it became apparent that Momoa finally nailed his acting wheelhouse. Although he’s a huge, scary-looking brute of a man, and exceedingly intimidating when he’s just standing there, he doesn’t actually do menace believably. He tries it here a couple of times, and the whole audience snickers. The only time he was truly menacing was as Khal Drogo in “Game of Thrones.” But that’s because we didn’t know him yet.
If you follow Momoa on Instagram, which I do, because he likes all the stuff I like, i.e., Harley-Davidsons, rock climbing, weight-lifting, Brazilian jiu-jitsu, bass guitar a lá rock band Primus’s Les Claypool, metal band Metallica, acting, filmmaking, and until recently, ex-wife Lisa Bonet—you discover he’s a giant goofball. Dangerous, to be sure, but like a big kid who can’t believe he actually succeeded in becoming a famous actor. He’s hilarious. So the revelation that his big bruiser self is primarily good at comedy, and watching him having a gleeful blast playing an effeminate baddie—is rather fun, actually.
I’m giving it 3 stars for how it bludgeoned me into submission with the delights of the bro and the dude … but mostly I still hate it.
