Judge Lynn Toler has spent her career imparting life wisdom and grounded advice. She served as the longest-reigning arbitrator in the longest-running courtroom show, “Divorce Court,” for 14 consecutive seasons and co-hosted three seasons of “Marriage Boot Camp,” on which she mentored couples after watching them for 10-hour days and always made a point to explain—in a way that the recipients of the advice were sure to understand—what it is that they were doing that resulted in communication breakdowns.
Toler has also long been vocal about her own mental health battles, discussing them openly and telling audiences that they were nothing to be ashamed of, that they were something to be aware of and worked through. Years before “mental health awareness” entered the cultural lexicon, Toler discussed mental illnesses and said she saw a psychiatrist because she wanted to know about her problems before anyone else did.
Her father was born in 1919 and worked in a coal mine as a teenager to help provide for his family, as his own father was disabled. He was also bipolar, and she herself grew up in a volatile home environment in which she experienced emotional trauma at a young age. But she saw through her mother how to live and even thrive with mental illness. In 2007, she published “My Mother’s Rules: A Practical Guide to Becoming an Emotional Genius,” with 43 rules that guided her through life. As someone who graduated from Harvard and then the University of Pennsylvania Law School; became a lawyer, wife, and mother of four; and then won her first judicial race as a Republican in a district where Democrats held the majority 5-to-1 by the age of 34, She said she’s an example of thriving despite mental health issues.
And now her career is to be the basis of a new show, on which Toler is a creator and writer. “Judge Me Not” premiered on May 25, starring Chyna Layne as Zelma Jay Johnson.
“I wanted to tell a story about a municipal court,” Toler said. “Most of these court shows are about these big monster cases, but municipal court is where humanity comes in waves, and it’s exciting and it’s fast-paced and people never get to see that.
“I also wanted to do an honest story about mental health struggles so that people know—and I used to talk about it all the time on ‘Divorce Court’—I do have mental health struggles, and it doesn’t define you. It doesn’t demean you. It doesn’t limit you. And on occasion, whatever different effect you’re sporting will assist you. I wanted to give a broad understanding.”
Her first case with a mentally ill man stuck with her: She was given a note from the man’s psychiatrist that said the man refused to plead guilty by insanity “because of his delusional belief that he is not insane” and thought, “What do I do with that?” She said that in the television drama series, she’s turned that case into a completely fictional storyline that’s woven throughout.
“Everybody struggles, and I think I read people well in part because I’m always managing my personal self,” she said. “I know where my emotionality lies. I manage it. Most people are just emoting. I never do because I understand that, and I actually think it’s a process and procedure to use; we should all think about how we feel before we act on how we feel.
“I was forced to do that, because of my mental health circumstance. I think it was a boon. I think it helped me as a municipal judge, because I understand feelings and reading people, and I understand people do things because of how they feel, not because of what they know.”
Layne (“She’s Gotta Have It,” “Precious,” and “The First Purge”) found Toler’s book incredibly inspirational and useful for getting into her role.
Start the Day Grounded
Both Toler and Layne have daily practices to keep themselves grounded, and one of the most important ones is to start the day the right way.“I always stop in the morning and do a ‘weather report.’ How am I feeling and why am I feeling that way? What do I have to do today?” Toler said.
“I do all the stuff I don’t want to do at the beginning of the day, because that frees up my psyche. If I’m in a depressive period, I go on the treadmill. I listen to music in a particular order, from sad to happy, so I can adjust my mood in a forward fashion.
“Then I read certain things. I keep a journal.”
These days, she journals online too, sharing her own process, along with humor and wisdom, on social media.
For Layne, therapy is something new, something she’s added in the past year, but staying grounded isn’t.
“I listen to a sermon every morning,” she said. “Strengthening my relationship with God and putting more of the focus on trusting what He has in store for me and that He’s taking care of my battles so I don’t have to sit there and fight every single battle that comes my way—that’s been incredibly important and healing.”
Hindsight is 20/20, and both Toler and Layne felt that if they could give advice to their younger selves, it would be to stress less, and that was as good a reminder as any to do so going forward as well.
Working on “Judge Me Not” together has been an experience in humanity and empathy for both women, who hope the audiences who watch it will leave with a more nuanced and less judgmental understanding of people—including themselves.
“You can be running and gunning and trying and crying and fighting and carrying on, and still, you can show up, show out, and get it right,” Toler said.
