Having spent 40 years as the nation’s sex therapist, Dr. Ruth became all too aware that social isolation was steadily increasing in today’s culture. She made it her mission to help others reconnect with family, friends, and community.
Her new book, “The Joy of Connections: 100 Ways to Beat Loneliness and Live a Happier and More Meaningful Life,” released just two months after her July 2024 passing, more than tackles the issue. Teaming up with journalist Allison Gilbert and longtime collaborator Pierre Lehu, Dr. Ruth put together a doable list of ways to overcome loneliness and engage more easily with others.
With a compassionate tone and practical advice, Dr. Ruth sprinkled in her own experiences as a lonely child and awkward young adult. Her life experience makes the case for how taking on a new mindset can work wonders in easing readers back into finding their comfortable community.
Her Own Experiences
When an author has experienced the very thing he or she is writing about, the strategies described take on more power, more legitimacy. Here’s where Dr. Ruth’s book hits the mark. As a 10-year-old child during the Holocaust, she was separated from her family. She was taken on a train to Switzerland, which was part of the Kindertransport intended to save the lives of Jewish children. As she was travelling, Dr. Ruth sat alone, crying. Beside her was another child who was crying harder than she was. Rather than remain in her misery, she gave the child the favorite doll she carried. By making the other child feel better, it raised the author’s own spirits. This incident, she believes, was the inspiration for her becoming a therapist. It also taught her the joy of serving others.In fact, it’s one of the tips in the section titled, “Family,” where she shares wise actions to take to reconnect with family. Many readers may relate to Dr. Ruth’s statement about having a “distaste” for a certain aunt or uncle, which may cause them to skip family get-togethers. However, she writes that the lonelier one is, the more one needs family. “If your grandmother can’t hear very well,” she writes, “and you hate having to shout, make a point of not talking so much and simply hold her hand.” Chances are she’ll enjoy that as well. Skipping family events can backfire, she warns, because the invitations will stop coming, and a bigger family divide will result.
Realizing that we’re members of many communities may be a comforting thought for those who find starting new friendships daunting. There are ways to enlarge your social circle by becoming active in the community, being helpful to neighbors, or volunteering at the local food pantry. She writes, “if your goal is to feel a sense of belonging, then you must take steps to belong.”
Many clients came to Dr. Ruth because of loneliness; they would sit at home and eat alone in front of the TV. To that, she advises to go out to dinner, take a walk, get outside, go to the library, “beyond your front door is where the people are.”
Sleeping With Loneliness
Readers should take to heart Dr. Ruth’s “100 Ways.” Every chapter includes inspirational anecdotes and tender-heartedness to help overcome loneliness. To reach a wider audience, Dr. Ruth lobbied for the ambassadorship and reached out to the governor. “I was the perfect choice,” she said, because “I’ve been sleeping with loneliness my entire life.”Another reason is because of the struggles she had when first immigrating to the city in the 1950s. Feeling the pain of loneliness, she discovered that to build a new life here, she had to make New York City “feel” smaller. She did that by creating her own smaller community within the larger community. She became involved in the local YWCA, where she made good friends and felt “more connected to New York City, like I truly belong[ed] here.”
The book features a chapter featuring a month-by-month guide with clever ideas to work with the seasons and holidays. For example, in January, make a resolution to reconnect more with those in your life, or in February, contact a friend who may be alone and celebrate a friend’s Valentine event. She continues with tips for the rest of the year. No matter the time of year, there’s always an opportunity to try one of these helpful tips.
My only suggestion is to add “read this book,” as tip number 101.
