Defying Smartphone Culture, Parents Aim to Restore Childhood

By limiting the use of digital devices among their children, intentional parents cultivate ‘habits of attention’ and deep, meaningful bonds.

Glade and Bethel Smith work hard to instill good values in their children, who don’t have phones or electronic devices. “Our kids love to read and love to use their imagination,” Glade said. Courtesy of Glade Smith

Located on the Great Plains of Nebraska near the Platte River, Glade Smith’s land abounds with cattle, chickens, and children—six of them, all homeschooled and born to life on the farm. Their father owns and operates Family Farm Beef Box, a subscription service that ships cuts of beef around the country, while their mother Bethel helps her husband when needed, keeps the household up and running, and homeschools the kids every day. They begin promptly at 8:30 a.m. From Henry, age 3, to 13-year-old Madeline, the Smith children work with the animals and have assigned chores, finding delight and fun along the way. Henry in particular is always eager to follow his dad from place to place and task to task.

“None of our kids have a phone or any electronic devices,” Smith said. “But our kids read a lot and love to use their imagination.”

All across America, there’s a growing subculture of families like the Smiths: intentional mothers and fathers defying the digitalization of childhood. Underreported by many in the media, this movement to restore the traditional norms of the home and family life is gaining traction as more parents become aware of the harm inflicted by screens and smartphones on the young.

In his recent bestseller, “The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness,” social psychologist Jonathan Haidt reported that since 2010, rates of depression and anxiety in American adolescents have gone through the roof. The consequences of what Haidt calls a tidal wave of suffering can be dire. From 2010 to 2020, for instance, hospital emergency rooms witnessed a 188 percent rise in girls 10 to 14 treated for non-fatal self-injury.

On their Nebraska farm, the Smith children play and work instead of using digital devices. Each has his or her own chores. Courtesy of Glade Smith

At the same time, a 2023 Gallup survey showed that American teens spend an average of 4.8 hours a day on social media. That’s without adding any other involvement with screens, such as watching television. A 2021 Common Sense Media Study revealed that 18 percent of children ages 8 to 12 use social media every day.

The combination of smartphones and social media platforms, which arose around 2010, coincides with the explosion of emotional illnesses among the young. This “Great Rewiring,” Haidt concluded, is the chief culprit in the increase in teen maladies. They range from sleep deprivation to loneliness to self-harm and mental illness.

The Philosopher’s Way

Jeanne Schindler of Hyattsville, Maryland, has long recognized the detrimental effects of technology and screens not only on children, teenagers, and the family, but on our culture at large. Married, the mother of three teens, and a philosophy professor and fellow at Catholic University of America’s John Paul II Institute for Studies on Marriage and Family, Schindler has extensively studied the interplay between today’s technology and what it means to be human.

Insights derived from this investigation gave her a broad perspective on the human connection with screens and smartphones. “We’re facing a genuine civilizational crisis that is global in its dimensions,” Schindler told American Essence. “We’re losing our sense of the real. We’re losing our sense of what it means to be human, what our time should look like, who other people are, the fact that we’re bound in space. Basic human things are being jeopardized.”

Doing chores around the farm keeps the Smith children busy. Courtesy of Glade Smith

In November 2021, Schindler struck a blow against the rewiring of human nature by founding the Postman Pledge group. By choosing that name for the pledge, Schindler wanted to honor Neil Postman. In his 1985 book “Amusing Ourselves to Death,” Postman was one of the first people to raise red flags about the dangers of a society obsessed with technology and electronic entertainment.

Around 30 families came together that year and pledged to not allow their children to use smartphones or social media. They also pledged to “conscientiously limit our family’s use of electronic technologies in general and to cultivate the habits of attention and presence that allow us to grow in love of one another and of God. Knowing that we were created for deep bonds of community, we pledge, finally, to foster friendships among our families in the natural, traditional ways human cultures have always done.” Today, there are about 50 families in the Hyattsville group.

Wisely, Schindler realized that joining together with others would strengthen the willpower needed to cut back on screens and would help teenagers in particular who might otherwise feel isolated from their phone-owning friends. Case in point: Her son is the only person in his class who doesn’t have a smartphone.

“I think he’s doing fine, but he does feel isolated, and the way we have tried to deal with it practically is to do all we can to promote his friendships, to have his friends over, to cultivate a very active social life for our children,” she said.

The Smith children are homeschooled by their parents. Courtesy of Glade Smith

To Become More Fully Human

Others around the country who heard about Jeanne Schindler and the Postman Pledge have approached her about founding their own groups. When speaking with them, she makes clear that the pledge is about more than managing phones and screens.

“The heart of the pledge is about promoting a rich human community using the means that human cultures have always had. They’ve always celebrated together. They’ve always come together for meals, for dancing, for feasts, high feasts, like Christmas. That’s what we’re trying to recover,” she said. “That’s the heart of the matter, and that itself is grounded in a doctrine of creation. Because the world is good, being human is good, and we’re meant for relationality.”

Activities of the Hyattsville group include game days, field days, Scottish dancing, potlucks, and Christmas caroling. Of these get-togethers, Schindler added, “You have infants, toddlers, high schoolers, parents, grandparents, doing things that human beings have always done to shore up our community and to celebrate life. That’s the heart of the matter. It’s a celebration of life.”

Long-time educator William Bertrain is an original member of Schindler’s group. When he talks to people interested in the Postman Pledge, he emphasizes the importance of “being really intentional and organized about it. If it’s going to grow and be sustained, you have to be intentional. I could imagine Postman Pledge groups doing different kinds of activities than the ones that we’ve done, depending on where in the country they are and what activities their kids are involved in.”

A Systems Strategy

To create a healthy environment in his household, Conor Gallagher, father of 16 children, an attorney, and the CEO of Tan Book Publishing, took the business systems and management tools he’d learned from years of study and experience and applied them to his Charlotte, North Carolina, home.

Of all the tools described in his book “Well-Ordered Family,” he said the “digital policy builder” is the most urgent one he offers. It helps families assess the policies—formal or informal—that work and don’t work, and when, where, and how much screen time is allowed.

“Parents must have the guts and the grit to monitor the digital consumption of their children,” he said. “We as parents must get a crystal clear digital policy written down so that our kids, no matter their age, know exactly what the rules are in regard to all digital devices.”

A digital policy for the young brings additional benefits. In his family, and in others he has counseled, Gallagher found that teens mature more rapidly when phone time is limited and responsibilities are increased. “When you enlist the hearts and minds of your teenagers and bring them into adulthood in terms of management of the family, they almost always fill the breach. They step up. They mature overnight.”

Conor Gallagher devised a “digital policy builder” as part of a system that keeps his family running smoothly, even with 16 kids (15 pictured here). Courtesy of Conor Gallagher

Like many parents who monitor their children’s phone usage, Gallagher is also aware of the negative effects of phones and screens on adults. He advised setting boundaries on our own time and usage:

“We’re the busiest generation in the history of humanity. … We have an app for everything, and we’re lulled into an artificial sense of comfort that this digital consumption, watching TV, flipping through YouTube shorts, and playing video games is providing rest. We allow our children to consume far more than is good for them, and we’re so exhausted spiritually because we’re so busy physically.”

Back in Nebraska, when Glade Smith puts his children to bed at night, he prays for and with them. “I pray that they can be happy,” he said.

If, as Jeanne Schindler contends, real happiness comes from living in the real world rather than in cyberspace, then the Smith children, with their chickens and cows, their books and lively imaginations, are happy. If a picture is worth a thousand words, then the joy found in the Smith children already speaks volumes.

In his 1999 book “Building a Bridge to the 18th Century: How the Past Can Improve Our Future,” Neil Postman wrote, “If parents wish to preserve childhood for their own children, they must conceive of parenting as an act of rebellion against culture.”

Today, more and more parents are heeding that advice and taking a stand against smartphone culture.

This article was originally published in American Essence magazine.