A bride received a message from her father from beyond the grave on her wedding day, 20 years after his death.
Freya Rosati, 32, was just 11 years old when her dad, Philip Hargreaves, died from esophageal cancer at the age of 53. But in the weeks before he died, Mr. Hargreaves, a pub landlord, wrote nine cards for Ms. Rosati—eight for birthdays and a final one for her wedding day.
Her mother, Theresa, 68, read the card to wedding guests in lieu of Mr. Hargreaves’s father-of-the-bride speech, leaving everyone in tears.
“It was such a sad moment but so important to me that the card was read out,” said Ms. Rosati, a special effects technician from Aylesbury in Buckinghamshire, England.
“Even looking at his handwriting in that card—it really just felt like he was there, and it was so nice.
“He wrote me cards every birthday up until my 18th, then one for my 21st and a final for my wedding day.
“But the wedding day was the most important one.”
Ms. Rosati—a self-confessed “daddy’s girl”—used to do “everything” with her loving dad before he died. Mr. Hargreaves would take her to dance classes and they also liked to watch films and play games together. If her mother ever said no to her, her dad would always say yes.
In early 2002, Mr. Hargreaves began to complain of constant indigestion, and tests revealed he had terminal esophageal cancer and just six months to live.
Ms. Rosati said: “My dad, bless him, would moan a lot if he got ill, even with a cold. What’s striking is, once he got seriously ill, he never complained. He was a proper warrior—my big hero.
“He used to get indigestion a lot; he’d take heartburn tablets like candies. But it seemed normal—he was a big guy who loved his food. For some reason, his leg started to swell up a bit, which is when mum decided to take him to the hospital. They ran tests and next thing we knew they were calling her back in, telling her he had cancer of the esophagus, and giving him six months to live.
“He didn’t even have many symptoms—just indigestion and a bit of a stomach ache. But he went downhill quickly, losing 9 stone [126 pounds] in six months.”
Ms. Rosati and her mother had to look after Mr. Hargreaves on their own during weekdays, with Ms. Rosati’s brother, Daniel, 44, coming down from London at weekends. After Mr. Hargreaves passed away, the mother and daughter became “best friends,” but they struggled daily. Ms. Rosati developed panic attacks throughout her teenage years, and Mr. Hargreaves’s presence was missed by the whole family.
She says big life events, like her 18th birthday and introducing her fiancé, Michael Rosati, 33, to the family, were “bittersweet.”
“It was very, very tough,” she said. “We even had to move back to Oxfordshire—because our peaceful, quiet family life became way too quiet without Dad.”
Ms. Rosati met her now-husband, Mr. Rosati, at work on April 8, 2016, and five years later they got engaged.
“We got engaged in our fifth year, and we threw ourselves into wedding preparation, but it was hard,” she said. “We went to a lot of wedding fairs and you’re having to speak to photographers and caterers, all of whom are asking you who’s walking you down the aisle, what song you’re having for your dad-daughter dance.
“I had to tell our photographer very early on, it would just be me and my mum. My dad wouldn’t be there. You see a lot of videos of that moment—the father-of-the-bride sees you in your dress for the first time and tears up. That, I found quite hard, knowing it wouldn’t happen.”
But Ms. Rosati was determined to include her father in her big day as much as she possibly could. Before he died, Mr. Hargreaves gave his daughter a diamond necklace, which she wore as “something old” with her dress.
His favorite place to holiday was the island of Antigua, so Ms. Rosati had steel pans playing her down the aisle. Photos of Mr. Hargreaves were placed on a memory tree outside the venue, and the family asked for donations to Macmillan Cancer Support as their wedding favors. And Mr. Hargreaves’s card, written in 2002, was read out by Theresa during the wedding speeches.
Ms. Rosati “loved” her dad’s card and says it felt like he was “really there,” giving his speech.“My dad would’ve loved that wedding; just hearing his words, I can imagine him saying them to me,” she said.
“He was so ill in the last few weeks of his life—he found writing the cards very overwhelming and tiring, so the wedding day card is the final one.”
