Benjamin Franklin’s Short Story, ‘Alice Addertongue’

Benjamin Franklin poses as Alice Addertongue to satirize scandalous gossip. “The Friendly Gossips,” 1901, by Eugene de Blaas. Art Renewal

Conversation thrives when friends and family gather. It fills the room and echoes against the walls.

In his short story, “Alice Addertongue,“ Benjamin Franklin shows the need for constructive, positive, and kind words. Writing to a local gazette under the pseudonym ”Alice Addertongue,” Franklin satirically praises slander and its benefits. In doing so, he demonstrates how it ruins people and why it should be avoided.

Alice Addertongue praises the newspaper article on the subject of scandal. In this article, the writer criticizes another writer from the Mercury Gazette for writing that women are peculiarly guilty of spreading scandal. This statement is itself scandalous, Alice writes, and an “egregious absurdity.”

Addertongue, ‘Herself’

Alice then explains that she is a young woman of 35, who seeks to cultivate censure and scandal “for the good of [her] country folks.” Thankfully, a day has not passed without her bestowing some scandal upon her fellow humans.

At first, Alice’s mother objected to spreading rumors of scandal since it “spoilt all good conversation.” In fact, mother and daughter disagreed so much that, when guests came for tea, Alice took her friends into the kitchen, while her mother remained in the parlor.

While her mother discusses humanity’s good qualities in the parlor, Alice and her friends laugh in the kitchen over wonderful scandals. Alice rejoices when her mother’s bored friends join Alice’s scandal circle in the kitchen.

Despite this one example of resistance, Alice claims that her spreading of slander flourishes: “By industry and application, I have made myself the center of all the scandal in the province, there is little stirring but I hear of it.” She has created a trade system in which customers give her a scandal and she, in turn, supplies them with two scandalous stories or one great one.

Alice even confesses (for the benefit of posterity) her methods of extracting delicious scandals from prudent and tightlipped people. If Alice hears about a woman without any existing scandal, she fibs to other women that a man said something flattering about the woman. The other women then insult that woman out of jealousy, providing the writer with scandalous gossip to pass around. When talking to men, she will praise a man in front of his competitors and they, in turn, provide the scandal she desires.

Election times are especially good for Alice. To obtain any scandal in regard to the candidates or parties, she praises the opposing party or candidate to gain the desired result.

Luckily, Alice records every bit of scandal in books. She keeps track of scandals she hears, scandals given, and scandals received. She jots down all debts and credits in the give and take of a scandal, so that she upholds an efficient, admirable, and successful system.

Through this comical story, Franklin demonstrates the dangerous effects which slander can have, not only upon oneself, but also on one’s friends and acquaintances, as cultivating slander builds a dark, negative world around those who senselessly gossip.

Before speaking, Franklin encourages everyone to ask themselves, as Socrates says in “Essential Thinkers—Socrates”: “Is it true; is it kind, or is it necessary?” So, before speaking about anyone, consider the philosopher’s words.

If your conversation is not true, kind, or necessary, refrain from speaking. Words are too precious to waste on slander, so use them to build others up and build a better world.

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