“A simple word of kindness,” said etiquette coach Mariah Grumet, “has the power to make all the difference in someone’s life. The true magic in it is the domino effect it has: It makes them want to do the same for someone else.”
Her favorite gift of words to give? A compliment unrelated to appearance—perhaps about someone’s confidence, or passion, or gentle heart. We asked five more experts to share theirs.
Affirm Your Belief in Them
The most valuable and powerful thing a mentor can say to a mentee is: “I believe in you, and your success is my success, so I am invested in you succeeding.” As someone who has studied and mentored high achievers, I’ve seen how these words can inspire individuals to push beyond their limits. This simple yet profound affirmation can be the catalyst for unlocking a mentee’s full potential.—Ruth Gotian, mentorship expert and author of “The Financial Times Guide to Mentoring”
Be Specific With Praise
One of my favorite strategies mentors can use to build others up is to start with genuine, specific praise that acknowledges the mentee’s unique strengths and efforts. Rather than saying, “Good job,” a mentor could say, “I was really impressed by how you navigated that challenging situation. Your ability to stay calm under pressure and think strategically is a real asset.”—Ruth Gotian
Harness the Power of ‘Yet’
When someone is frustrated or stuck, or fails, remind them they can’t do it “yet.” Offer to come alongside them and help them until they can do that skill. “Yet” reminds people we can all grow and develop, and failure isn’t fatal. It’s just a road sign telling us we either keep going or make a direction change. It’s not a stop sign.—Reed Maltbie, youth sports coach, author of “The Spartan Mindset: Mastering the Language of Excellence,” and co-founder of Beyond the Game Partners, LLC
Don’t Forget the Essentials
“I love you no matter what.” As simple as that is, it conveys to a child—through words, tone, and action—that they matter. “I am here for you. You are not alone.” Every child needs to have the feeling that they won’t be shamed, hurt, or abandoned when they show what we might call their “worst selves” or their vulnerabilities. They need this sense that someone will still support them—even if they’re being stopped from what they’re doing.—Tovah Klein, director of the Barnard Center for Toddler Development and author of “Raising Resilience: How to Help Our Children Thrive in Times of Uncertainty”
Make Them Feel Seen
Every person on the planet has the same need. It’s not a preference, but a necessity: to be seen, heard, and valued, and be free from judgment. Given that thesis, the most important thing you can say to a romantic partner is: “You are wonderful.”
—Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt, co-founders of Imago Relationship Therapy and co-authors of “How to Talk With Anyone About Anything”
This article was originally published in American Essence magazine.
