7 Tips to Build Character From Epoch Inspired Editors—Neglecting #3 Can Ruin You

Left: (Dean Drobot/Shutterstock); Right: Pixel-Shot/Shutterstock

It sounds old-fashioned. Even cliché. Yet it’s as vital as ever: The defining measure of any man, woman, or child has been, and always will be, the matter of how we build our character.

Great minds think alike, and all the greats—from George Washington to Lao Tzu—have cultivated it. Myriad cultures and religions of vastly disparate heredities throughout history have enumerated its laws. Time and again, the building of character has involved self-sacrifice for a greater good—be that truth, freedom, honor, or some higher power.

Building character requires painstaking work and often emphasizes reversed notions of gain and loss. Becoming selfless entails letting go of self-interest, and sometimes even life itself, believing that redemption lies someplace beyond. The greedy and selfish know not this principle.

Bearing that in mind, here are seven rules for building character—drawing from traditional wisdom and common sense, which is not so common today. It may sound passé, but to take comfort knowing that enduring life’s difficulties “builds character” is as pertinent today as ever.

1. Show Restraint in Speech

It sounds oppressive, to hold one’s tongue and keep one’s emotions bottled up inside. But in truth, the saying, “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt,” has always forged success in life.

Beyond mere success, showing restraint in speech is vital to relationships. It could apply when you open that email that irks you, or face that insulting word from a certain relative over the dinner table, or that colleague. You might regret it eternally if you respond in the heat of the moment.

Knee-jerk emotional reactions are rarely the well-tuned answer such situations call for. Rather, practice restraint in your speech. Working on holding back will let you withstand the wave of anger or indignation that threatens to drag you out into that proverbial sea of strife and conflict. Only in quietude and with a moderate mindset will the right choice appear before you.

2. Always Fulfil Promises

The ancients once spoke of preferring death over breaking one’s word. Such codes of honor harking to our feudal past might sound outdated in this age of individual freedom. Yet there are eternal truths here. Rooted in every relationship lies a bond of trust whereby one person puts faith in another. If you say you will do something, there is an expectation that you will do it. The simple fact is, if you do not, then you won’t be believed the next time.

Of course, if you really cannot fulfill an obligation for some reason, then you can, in a timely manner, inform the other party that something has come up and apologize for the breach. The point is, those who are mindful of the promises they make—and honor them to their utmost ability—will be counted as trustworthy, and this is the foundation of all relationships.

3. Arrogance Makes Us Fools

There is no hope for the fool who is arrogant to become any less foolish. There is no hope that the accomplished one who is arrogant won’t fall from grace.

Throughout our lives, we will meet countless souls wiser than we. They may come in unassuming shapes and sizes; they may come as people we least expect. Those who, either from poor upbringing or the bad habit of self-aggrandizing, hold themselves above others will forever seal themselves off from that wealth of wisdom. They will be trapped forever in the cell of their own ignorance.

Worse off is the one who is quick to belittle and openly ridicule the wise, calling them fools. That person creates new cells within that blind dwelling

4. Humility Makes One Wiser

Far from self-deprecation, the admission “I don’t know” is one of the soundest one can make, when such is the case, for they will never be too far off the mark. Confucius said as much: “To know what you know and what you do not know, that is true knowledge.” This demonstrates an unpretentious and earnest quest for truth. Then truth has half a chance of finding you.

Far from beating oneself up for lacking wisdom, that mental and emotional energy will be spent more wisely learning rather than defending one’s ego. By being humble and valuing knowledge, you will naturally come to know more.

Yet, once gained, the test of vanity is sure to follow. Humility also means staying unmoved by the voices of praise that can only change one for the worse by making one arrogant. Tune it out and cling tightly to the quest for growth.

5. Take the High Road

In any endeavor worth taking up, there will be those who oppose it, or your performing it, in some form or other. As the truism goes, “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.” One might be confronted by detractors or opponents who raise resistance or unleash hate in some fashion.

A good dig can sting the best of us. And there may be the temptation to fight back. But one of higher character will see this drama for what it is—just noise. Forge your heart and take the high road by holding yourself in check and keeping your cool. A rash decision can have catastrophic consequences and you will regret it. Unless someone threatens you physically or takes your property, just keep your eyes on the task at hand and do that one thing well, and little will your efforts be derailed. Often what looms large in the mind is insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

6. Practice Compassion

Character is often forged in the heat of the moment. When one’s self-interest is threatened by another, one is tempted to act out. This is no more than the instinct of wild beasts, yet we all have such instincts, nevertheless. Though we may strive to take the high road, it’s easier said than done.

Yet there is hope that we might triumph over this. Try seeing things from in others’ shoes, for having compassion and understanding opens a whole new dimension to the situation. Compassion disarms anger and furnishes the calmness and time needed to make wiser decisions. It may make you see that the person who acted so disrespectfully toward you, was enduring some crisis themselves. There is more room for tolerance in this headspace. In building character, we focus on ourselves and do not judge others. This will be easier with compassion.

7. Practice Honesty

The world we face is one filled with disturbances and chaos. The relationships we keep are precious harbors offering respite from life’s turbulence. The foundation upon which those relationships are built is trust. By practicing honesty, we make ourselves a solid rock that others can depend on in an otherwise tumultuous world. Those friends in turn become rocks for us.

Always tell the truth and never lie. Any advantage telling an untruth might seem to present is at best ephemeral, as puffs of smoke, and will end up doing you far more harm in the long run. Align yourself with that which is eternal, like the sky, which no smokescreen can eclipse for long. Speaking truth in a world where lying is commonplace and considered normal, others will come to see you as different. Over time, you will become that bulwark of goodness for all who know you.

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