What Parents Need to Know About Screen Time

Too much screen time is a barrier to healthy relationships and growth

Too much screen time is not only detrimental for children, but also for the parent-child relationship if the parents are paying more attention to their devices than to their kids. Muriel de Seze/Getty Images

Digital devices have become a thorn in the side of many parents. Like opening Pandora’s box, once kids are given access to these glowing screens, it becomes difficult to scale back their use. As this technology garners more influence over our lives, the detrimental effects of its use among children are becoming ever clearer.

I asked Taíno Bendz, founder of Phone Free Day and author of the upcoming book “Tech-Life Balance, 101 Ways to Thrive in a Digital World,” for his advice to parents. Here’s what he said.

The Epoch Times: What is Phone Free Day, and what inspired you to start it?

Taíno Bendz: It was 2019, down on all fours on a playground with my kids. Another child started crying and looked up to find the parents. I looked up, too, but all that met me was the back of a dozen smartphones, all parents fully absorbed by their screens. I realized how adults’ phone use looks from the perspective of a child and felt, “This is not how I want my kids to grow up.”

I talked to my then-coach, and we came up with the idea to start Phone Free Day as an annual challenge. It is a nonprofit initiative that serves as a platform where people, among other things, can read about the impacts of tech overuse; take a smartphone addiction test; and the main thing—take on a challenge to change their relationship with technology and reap the benefits! It is all about what we are getting, not what we are giving up. As most people cannot practically go a full day without their phone, there are different levels from phone free while eating, all the way up to fully phone free.

Long before the event at the playground, which was the catalyst, I had noticed how devices had gone from new and cool to a burden for many people, causing stress and affecting sleep, relationships, and much more. My wife and I had a phone-free wedding in 2014, which the guests loved, as they could interact with each other much more and focus on the experience rather than snapping the best photo and picking the right filter and hashtag.

The Epoch Times: What do you wish more parents understood about children’s use of technology today?

Mr. Bendz: It is vital to understand that digital technology can affect everything from children’s brain development, speech development, cognitive abilities, physical and mental well-being, to sleep, eyesight, and hearing. When used in a purposeful and balanced way, technology can support all of these areas, but the reality is that many children’s tech use is neither purposeful nor balanced, and more and more studies are pointing toward the potential harmful effects.

I also wish that parents realized that tech use is not a right, it is a privilege, and that they are doing their child a favor in the long run by teaching them tech-life balance.

For younger children, I wish parents understood that just because a child stops crying when a device is put in front of them, it is not teaching them self-control, nor improving the parent-child bond! It is a quick fix with potential long-term ill effects.

Finally, I wish parents understood that it is OK for kids to be bored. Quite the opposite really, it is good for kids (and adults!) to be bored. Our job as parents is not to keep them constantly occupied and stimulated.

The Epoch Times: Many parents today find it difficult to understand how much screen time is too much and what boundaries should be put in place for their children. What would you advise them to do?

Mr. Bendz: Following official guidelines is a great place to start (and you can blame someone else, too!). Organizations such as the American Academy of Child and Adoles­cent Psychiatry, the American Academy of Pediatrics, and the World Health Organization have recommendations on the amount of screen time for different age brackets and, equally important, what type of screen time is appropriate. The amount of screen time and appropriate boundaries of course depend on age and individual circumstances, but as a starter, I encourage everyone to keep mealtimes device free, as well as bedrooms.

I also strongly recommend parents to follow social media age limits, which many parents are not even aware of. Most platforms, including TikTok, Instagram, and Snapchat, have an age limit of 13.

The Epoch Times: If a parent wishes to reduce the time their children spend on screens, how would you recommend they go about implementing that?

Mr. Bendz: Absolute No. 1—talk to your child. Children often understand a lot more than we give them credit for. I have worked with parents who have tried implementing rules and prohibitions, but only succeeded once they actually sat down with their child, expressed their concerns, laid out some stats and research, and asked for the child’s input and point of view.

Depending on their age, you can ask questions like: “What do you like about your tech use?” “Is there any aspect that you don’t like?” “Have you had any bad experiences online?” “What do you think about my tech use?” Be open and honest and do this as a family—you as a parent need to change, too! If you show that you are willing to make a sacrifice and change your own habits, it is much more likely that they will follow suit.

Be clear with the motivation, your “why” behind wanting to change. Set some ground rules that everyone at home follows, and have some fun with it! Perhaps you have a device-free evening and cook their favorite food, or do something together with them. I know it is easier said than done, but I have also seen how changed tech habits have changed entire families and made them much more tight-knitted, happier, and healthier!

The Epoch Times: What impact do you believe parents’ use of technology has on their children?

Mr. Bendz: Parents’ use of technology is affecting not only their own health and well-being, but also their children’s development and the parent-child relationship. Attention from the parent is vital for a child’s development, regardless of the age of the child. A baby literally uses eye contact and their parent’s face as a compass to the world and to interpret events around them. A toddler, all the way up to a teenager, looks to their parents for confirmation, affirmation, support, and much more. Put a device in the parent’s hand and that connection is broken. That important work email, the scrolling of news or social media, that text message is coming between you and your child and signals to the child that whatever you are doing on the device is more important than them.

Anyone, not only children, feels neglected when the other person is checking their phone during a conversation, and studies support the notion that relationships take a hit when devices are around.

Lastly, parents are of course role models, so our own tech use very much affects our children’s view of how a relationship with technology should look.

The Epoch Times: What most concerns you when it comes to children’s use of digital devices?

Mr. Bendz: If I were to pick one concern, it would be that they grow up so connected that they are disconnected to the world around us. What does this mean? It means that when more time is invested into the online world and relationships, less time is left for the analog world with its slower but more sustainable dopamine release. It means that they can become tuned and over-sensitive to social feedback, and reduce their integrity and determination in the process. It means that the entertainment, joyfulness, and creativity are streamed and that they become consumers of play, instead of producers.

Connected to growing up lost and disconnected is of course mental health. I see firsthand the implications of what I call “attention-grabbing technologies” on children and their development in all areas, from learning, to sleep, stress, and anxiety, to social skills.

Tech-life balance is within reach for everyone, and freeing up time spent on devices means more time for other things. And who would not want more time? I’ve met so many people, both individuals and families, who have been far down the device hole and have greatly improved their quality of life by small habit changes.