The ability to converse with people, particularly new people, is more than just a social skill—it’s an art. The first step to becoming the person others say they “had a great time talking to” is to simply show interest and be genuinely curious.
Opening Lines
Wonderful conversations aren’t difficult to start. Bypass the traditional “Where are you from?” and “What do you do?” that may daunt the other party and replace it with “How’s that drink/appetizer/artwork/game?” Similarly, asking someone how they know the event host can often lead to finding many things in common.At a networking event, try, “How long have you belonged to this organization?” Stuck at the company Christmas party? Ask co-workers “What exciting project are you working on?” Still feeling tongue-tied? Opt for the tried and true, “Are you having fun?”
Awkward Silences
Silence happens in the best of conversations, so stay confident. In most cases, it only lasts a few seconds, but if it goes on too long, it’s time to fall back on conversational standbys like the weather, arts and entertainment, sports, family, food, work, travel, and hobbies. Never start a conversation about politics, religion, finances, sex, past relationships, or anyone’s appearance, and under no circumstances should you tell a risqué joke. Practice your safe topics in regular conversations, so they become natural.Remembering Names
As Dale Carnegie says, “A person’s name is to him or her the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” The first trick to remembering the names of people you just met is to use their name throughout the conversation—without making yourself sound like a used car salesman. You can also ask the person to spell it, particularly if it’s unusual, or associate it with an image (“Sandy, by the beach”) or make a connection (“Mary, like my aunt”).Just caring enough to try these tips will go a long way to helping you remember names.
Polishing the Art
Whether it’s party small talk, relationship building, or business discussions, the key is to keep it clean. No, we’re not telling you to watch your language here, but to stop something even more potentially off-putting: extraneous details and fluff. The best conversationalists have streamlined their chatter, allowing the listener time to process the point they’re trying to get across without getting lost in the minutiae, even if it’s just a funny story about a beloved dog. You’ll also find that you’re able to connect with people faster.Talk About ‘Anything’
One conversational gambit is to approach a discussion as if you don’t know anything about the subject at hand. This leads to being more curious, open-minded, and intrigued. By not assuming you know what they’re going to say, you slow down and focus on the details and go below the surface.When someone brings up a subject you actually don’t know anything about, take a deep breath and actively listen, asking relevant questions when appropriate. An enthusiastic listener is often perceived as the best conversationalist of all.
