I was shocked to see a check to her brother for $350. I went through a couple of prior statements and found the same thing. I figure she’s been doing this since her parents died several years ago. We’re not exactly rolling in dough.
We have three kids and a big mortgage, and money is tight. If she'd asked or at least discussed this with me, I would not have refused to help him, but this is way out of line, in my opinion. How should I broach the subject with her? —Jason
If she'd asked me, I would have told your wife that as noble as her intentions might be to help her brother, her commitment to you and your marriage trumps everything. It’s wrong to do this behind your back.
Since you wrote, let me ask you: Why do you think she felt compelled to deceive you in this way? Maybe she believed you'd hit the roof if she brought it up.
I suggest that you go to her as a loving husband and partner, not a raging foe. Tell her how hurt you are that she couldn’t talk to you about this. Assure her that you are willing to talk now. Tell her that if you are going to enjoy financial harmony in your marriage, everything has to be on the table—her spending and yours. Talk it out. I’m sure you can negotiate a compromise you can both live with.
The challenge with Costco or any warehouse club is that you have to buy a lot in a year’s time to break even on your membership fee in actual money saved.
If you are determined that you can, I suggest you never arrive at Costco planning to pay with a credit card. Take only a written list and the amount of cash you intend to spend.
It’s not easy, but if you follow that guideline, you will not be so tempted to buy things you didn’t even know you needed until you wandered up and down the aisles. Like 50 pounds of onions or a 4K high-definition television that suddenly you simply cannot live without!
