Happiness Is Friendship: 3 Elements to Fight Loneliness and Government Intrusion

In an era of increasing loneliness and unhappiness, good friendships hold the key to a more fulfilling life

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That individual unhappiness is at unprecedented levels would probably surprise no one anymore. Combine the state of the world—rising crime rates, political fights, and a squelching of freedoms—with the increased atomization of everyone, and it’s difficult for even the most happy-go-lucky among us to keep a smile on.

But there is hope, as a recent CBS “Sunday Morning” segment addressing this issue of mass unhappiness explains. Citing a long-running Harvard study, CBS notes that the happiest individuals in life are those who have solid relationships and friendships. Such friendships give individuals a sense of meaning and purpose, a feeling of belonging, and a structure of support.

Unfortunately, many of us don’t really know how to do friendships anymore; the fast pace of life and the prevalence of technology have taken the place of these vital relationships in our life. Thus, a reminder of what makes a good friendship seems to be in order.

Generosity in Connection

Generosity is the first element of a good friendship. Twentieth-century thinker Russell Kirk addressed this quality in his book, “Economics: Work and Prosperity,” contrasting generosity with envy. The latter is a vice-like emotion that drives loneliness, Kirk notes, while, “Generosity is an emotion that attracts friends.” Someone quick to give sincere praise and support the work of others has the marks of a generous person.

Strange as it may seem, Kirk also delineates generosity as an American trait, and one free from Marxist vitriol.

“In Marxist lands, envy is approved by the men in power,” Kirk notes. “The Marxist indoctrinator deliberately preaches envy. By appealing to that strong vice, he may be able to pull down constitutions, classes, and religions.”

Given the trend toward Marxism in our nation during the 30-some years after Kirk wrote these words, one has to wonder whether envy-producing Marxism is leading to the epidemic of loneliness we’re facing today.

Alignment of Values

Common interests are the second element of friendship. C.S. Lewis famously noted in his book, “The Four Loves,” that a good friendship begins with the words, “What? You too? I thought I was the only one,” indicating that those who enjoy the same things find a connection they lack with others.

These common interests can revolve around activities, religion, studies, or professions, Lewis wrote, but the deepest friendships are those that go beyond superficial commonalities. They are the ones in which “Do you love me? means Do you see the same truth?—Or at least, ‘Do you care about the same truth?’” Lewis wrote.

This suggests another reason why today’s society struggles with loneliness and a lack of friendship, namely, we can no longer have the conversations that lead us to discover the deep truths that others believe. Your truth is yours and mine is mine and never the twain shall meet, runs today’s woke mantra. To even verbalize your beliefs to another is considered a microaggression.

Until we are once again free to hold open and honest conversations, disagreeing with one another or debating a certain issue, we will be condemned to the prison of superficiality, withdrawing from the world unless we want to spend our days talking about the weather.

Steady Commitment

Third, friendships require time and patience, a truth advanced by Aristotle in his “Nicomachean Ethics” that is especially important in our fast-paced technological world. We may meet a certain person and desire a friendship, Aristotle writes, but true friendship develops over time, and is impossible “until each [friend] has been proved loveable and trustworthy to the other.” And proving, knowing, and building trust with a friend is only possible when we spend time with that person, having “consumed the proverbial salt together,” Aristotle writes.

In recent years, social media has conditioned us to believe that friendship is as simple as hitting a button and sending a friend request. But in most cases, such “friendship” doesn’t provide the companionship and fellowship we’re craving. In fact, as friendship coach Danielle Bayard Jackson explains in the aforementioned CBS “Sunday Morning” clip, research tells us that “it takes about 50 hours to make an acquaintance, about 90 hours to make a good friend, and 200 hours to make a best friend.”

In other words, if we’re not willing to put in the time and have patience to cultivate a friendship over many hours, then we can’t expect to enjoy the bloom of happiness that a mature friendship provides.

The Government’s Hand

Loneliness and its accompanying unhappiness are becoming such an epidemic, Gallup CEO John Clifton tells CBS, that “leaders should make their citizens’ happiness a top political priority.”

Many would likely shudder at such a thought. Who wants more government involvement in their lives?

But perhaps government is one of the keys to happiness—not more of it, but less. After all, less government promises to minimize Marxism, the source of envy-driven loneliness. Less government interference also promises more freedom of speech, opening channels of communication which foster deeper friendships. And the more time we spend building and surrounding ourselves with solid friendships, the less we will need to fall back on government for support and help in our times of need.

That alone is enough to make even the glummest among us happy.