Research shows that women are more reluctant than men to ask for a raise and that they feel less comfortable negotiating.
“Women have been socialized not to ask, and they’re especially sensitive to asking for too much,” says Sharon Melnick, an executive coach for women leaders. “It seems like self-promotion.”
Melnick thinks those attitudes might be changing, especially after the pandemic. “I’m hearing more women say that compensation really matters to them,” she says.
If you’re shy about speaking up, start by getting into the right mindset and then sharpen your negotiating skills, advises Kelley Joyce, founder of The Truth at Work. “Build up your negotiating muscle around nonthreatening situations,” says Joyce. “It’s unrealistic to march into your boss’s office and ask for more money if you hesitate to send back a cold meal at a restaurant or you defer to your spouse about which movie to watch.”
If self-promotion makes you uncomfortable, think about how others will benefit if you are successful. “Instead of asking for yourself, ask on behalf of your family,” says Melnick.
At a minimum, you should have some idea of the market rate for your position, as well as how your employer stacks up. “It’s key to know what’s realistically possible within your company,” says Carol Frohlinger, president of Negotiating Women.
And it’s critical to quantify your value to your employer as much as possible. If you’re in sales, the numbers can speak for themselves. If you’re in research or a support role, show how you were able to contribute to the sales team, finish a project quickly, reduce costs or are willing to take on more responsibility.
Make your pitch perfect by role playing with your partner or a friend. “You’ll feel a lot more comfortable if you get the words out of your mouth and not keep them in your head,” says Frohlinger. She suggests keeping a file of positive feedback that you can present to your manager to bolster your case.
Don’t feel you need to apologize or tell your boss that you need more money because your rent is going up. You are making the case that you should be fairly compensated for your value to the company, so focus on that. Even if you’re working at home or have a hybrid situation, make it a point to show up at the office. Remember: out of sight, out of mind.
If you can’t get more money, have a plan B: more vacation, or the opportunity to go to conferences or get more job training. “Sometimes you’re better off with a title rather than money because you can parlay that into a bigger job somewhere else,” says Frohlinger.
Answer still no? Take that as a “not now” and tell your boss you’d like to get together again in a few months to revisit your request. And whatever you agree on, get it in writing.
(Janet Bodnar is editor at large at Kiplinger’s Personal Finance magazine. For more on this and similar money topics, visit Kiplinger.com.)
