Life has a way of throwing curveballs at us when we least expect them. But by considering them before they occur, we can react to them in a much more gracious manner.
Seeing the Ex
It’s sad but true that not all dating relationships are long-term. So what to do when you run into the ex? If the relationship ended on amicable terms, a hug and a big smile are in order, because that’s how you greet friends. If you both have time, catch up on what they’ve been up to. However, if the relationship ended badly, a smile and an “I’d really like to talk, but I’m running late for an appointment” let you both behave graciously. If you’re dealing with a truly toxic situation, such as an abusive ex, these pointers don’t apply. Do what is best for your mental health and safety.In-Laws
It isn’t all that uncommon to remain on good terms with family members of an ex after the relationship ends. However, be sensitive to how this might make your ex feel; if they aren’t happy about you still spending time with their family, be considerate by not attending events where you’ll both be present, such as birthday parties or football-watching events. You can find other times to get together with their family. Don’t hide these events, but also don’t broadcast them by posting photos and videos on social media. If, on the other hand, the family blames you for the breakup and you run into them in public, politely excuse yourself and leave.Holidays and Birthdays
When you and your ex have children, it’s essential to make sure they know that they’re important and loved by both of you. If you and your ex are on good terms, consider hosting these events on a rotating basis. If there are circumstances that don’t allow you or your ex to attend each other’s celebrations, you can host a second birthday party or Fourth of July barbeque, sometimes on the same day or perhaps staggered to let them enjoy that special day with your undivided attention.Sharing Children
If you and your ex share children, you have an absolute moral obligation to treat them with love and respect, regardless of how you and your ex may feel about each other. Greet them warmly when your paths cross. If you and the kids get along better than you do with your ex and he or she is there, keep the exchange brief, making plans to get together with just them at a later date. Resist the urge to be the “favorite parent” via gifts or lax supervision—the kids need a parent, not a friend.Funerals and Weddings
The circle of life constantly revolves, meaning that there will be times when you and your ex will be expected to attend weddings and funerals of mutual friends and family members on both sides. The respectful thing to do is attend these events, genuinely sharing in the celebration or the grief. If you’re both on good terms, big hugs are in order; if you’re not, put your feelings aside to show each other respect. Don’t hesitate to extend congratulations or condolences in either case, sharing happy memories to make the moment sweeter.
