The dynamic between a wine waiter and a patron in a restaurant depends on whether it’s an upscale coffee shop or a white tablecloth spot and can include arcane dialogue.
This obviously depends on the skill levels of the parties. When one knows a lot more about wine than the other, a key factor is: How egotistical is one person about showing off? It matters not if it’s the patron or the server; the disparity in knowledge creates a potential scenario in which one party can be condescending.
Watching scenes like this develop across the aisle, as I have numerous times, is always a fascinating lesson in human behavior and can make for some funny tales.
On one occasion at a snooty San Diego restaurant (now thankfully out of business), the wine waiter was a pro—one of the few class acts in the place. As we dined, a party of four arrived, led by what I saw as a snob smelling of Lamborghini leather and $100 per ounce aftershave.
After the lead guy had perused the wine list, the waiter asked if they would be having drinks or perhaps a bottle of Champagne.
“Champagne!” exclaimed the snob, “What else is there?” as if to imply any other aperitif wine wasn’t good enough. Then the guy did something that tipped off who he was. He ordered the most expensive bubbly on the wine list, a bottle of Krug Champagne—but he pronounced it like “ugg,” not “kroog” as it should be pronounced.
The wine waiter flinched. It was clear that he knew he was in for a bad hair day with someone who had a lot more money than class.
A tiny bit of education can be a terrible thing, and that bubbly moment led to a number of other awkward scenes in which the wine waiter seemed always to be teetering on the edge of quitting and taking a job as a shepherd.
Then there was the sommelier in 1990 who treated three women to his best impersonation of Inspector Jacques Clouseau.
One of the women, who clearly knew very little about wine, asked for three glasses of the house red. Without saying that there were three house reds, he brought three glasses of the most expensive one and began to explain about the vineyard from which the grapes came. The information was incorrect, and the ladies didn’t care.
The final bill included $75 for three glasses of the house red! That led to an argument that ended up badly, with shouting and threats of, “We'll never dine here again,” and finally a compromise by the manager.
One good tactic is to ask waiters for suggestions. State the kind of wine you’re seeking and the price range that’s comfortable. If the waiter’s suggestion isn’t acceptable for some reason, you can comfortably return it since the wine steward suggested it in the first place.
Or ask for a taste. Many classy restaurants will do that.
