You’re a laid-back mom who takes chaos and disorder in stride, an easygoing soul rarely ruffled by the hurly-burly of children, household duties, or minor catastrophes. You and your husband are a get-along, go-along couple who dislike arguments and raised voices and enjoy savoring a glass of wine on the back deck while the three children and their friends romp in the backyard. “Keep calm and carry on” sums up your approach to life.
Then there’s your 11-year-old daughter. She takes charge of her younger siblings, cousins, and friends like a Marine Corps drill sergeant. This budding Napoleon is fiercely competitive, questions everything—“Why can’t I wear my sneakers to church?”—and could argue a Supreme Court justice into the ground.
Sometimes you and your husband cock an eyebrow at her behavior and even wonder aloud, “Where did this kid come from?”
It’s an ancient question. Following the lead of Hippocrates, the Greek physician Galen (129 AD–circa 216 AD) attempted an answer by classifying human beings through their temperaments: the sanguine, who is optimistic and relishes excitement; the cautious melancholic; the passionate choleric, like the 11-year-old girl above; and the calm phlegmatic, like her parents.
Meet the Bennetts
“I think it’s important to say that our temperament isn’t the whole of our personality,” Art Bennett told The Epoch Times. Bennett is a licensed marriage and family therapist with over 30 years of experience in that field. “It’s only that part that is called nature, as opposed to nurture. Our total personalities are far greater.”His wife Laraine, a freelancer who has cowritten several books with Art, underlines that warning. “It probably can’t be repeated too often that you don’t want to put anybody into a box, but the temperaments are a very valuable tool.”
Years ago, Art cofounded the Alpha Omega Clinics in Virginia and Maryland. “That was kind of new at that time, to be an overtly Catholic mental health clinic. I didn’t have a marketing budget or anything, so I tried to get the word out by giving talks at different Catholic parishes, and the temperaments one was really popular. People really liked it. Laraine got interested too, and we started talking as a couple. We got a lot of requests nationwide to talk about the temperaments.”
A Quick Tour of the Temperaments
In this book, the Bennetts employ characters and quotes from “Winnie-the-Pooh” to help readers identify the temperaments:The chapter “Your Conquering Choleric Child” kicks off with Rabbit: “It was going to be one of Rabbit’s busy days. As soon as he woke up he felt important, as if everything depended on him. It was just the day for Organizing Something ... a Captainish sort of day, when everybody said, ‘Yes, Rabbit,’ and ‘No, Rabbit,’ and waited until he had told them.”
“The choleric is your classic leader,” Laraine explained when the Bennetts spoke with The Epoch Times. “They tend to be determined, forceful, opinionated, very stubborn, and strong-willed. So, they tend to take charge.” She later clarified that “people of all temperaments can be leaders.”
In “Your Moody Melancholic Moppet,” they settled on the donkey Eeyore as an ideal example of this temperament: “‘I might have known,’ said Eeyore. ‘After all, one can’t complain. I have my friends. Somebody spoke to me only yesterday. And was it last week or the week before that Rabbit bumped into me and said, “Bother!” The Social Round. Always something going on.’”
Art noted that melancholics, while possessed of the most introverted temperament, “tend to have high ideals, which are wonderful, like truth and beauty and justice. They really live these things and pay attention to them. And that’s a great asset.”
Of all the creatures in the Hundred Acre Wood, “Your Spirited Sanguine Sprout” best resemble Tigger: “‘Tiggers never go on being Sad,’ explained Rabbit. ‘They get over it with Astonishing Rapidity.’”
Lorraine elaborated: “The sanguine is your classic people person. They’re bright and bubbly, effervescent. They are your classic party person, very enthusiastic. They tend to be like butterflies that flit from flower to flower as they go from one activity to another.”
As for “Your Peaceful Phlegmatic Progeny,” Winnie-the-Pooh wins hands-down: “It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn’t use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like, ‘What about lunch?’”
Appreciation Amplified
Being knowledgeable about the temperaments of our children as well as our own brings understanding. “Each temperament has its strengths and its weakness,” Laraine said, with Art noting that sometimes those weaknesses need to be addressed. “Just because you’re a choleric doesn’t mean you should be cavalier about the way you disagree with other people in authority. So, you have to be careful to tone that down.”Building Virtue
Each of the temperaments has its own strengths, and the Bennetts are big believers in building on those strengths. “Our job as parents is to help our children grow in virtue,” Laraine said, “and there are natural virtues associated with each temperament.”Art expanded on her comment. “It’s all about growing in virtue, and the temperaments will give us some virtues that are easy for each temperament. Audacity is easier for the choleric, but pretty challenging for the phlegmatic and melancholic. Listening quietly might be easier for the phlegmatic, but a real challenge for the sanguine and choleric. Knowing your kids’ temperament, knowing you want them to be full human beings who meet the challenges of life, you encourage them to grow, and also, maybe sometimes encourage them to tone it down, so that they grow and respond with love and not just react impulsively.”
Of her own family, Laraine said, “If God gave our children a strength, we wanted them to use it. We tried to be positive about their strengths, but also to encourage them to grow and work hard to overcome their weaknesses. That’s one thing temperaments are good for, the notion that these are God-given gifts. You want to be careful about not appreciating them.”
