Mom, remember, before you became a mom, your vision of what motherhood would be like and what kind of mom you’d be? Did you picture something straight out of the Pottery Barn Kids catalog or The Martha Stewart Show? Perhaps June Cleaver or Mary Poppins inspired you.
While aspirations can be valuable, taking them to an extreme can lead to a dark place.
The high expectations we moms tend to place on ourselves, along with the comparison trap some of us tend to fall into, especially with the advent of social media, can lead to feelings of inadequacy and ineptitude.
Everyone Feels This Way Sometimes
First, remember that you’re not alone.Every mom I know has, at some point, asked herself, “What is wrong with me? Why can’t I get it together?”
Whether it’s because you’re running late to appointments, losing your patience with your kids, forgetting things, or always coming home to a messy house, the dissonance between your vision of perfection and the actual reality can sting.
She said, “Unlike the polished moms at the bus stop, I often look frazzled! I have forgotten to pack school snacks, ordered the wrong tickets for my daughter’s play and taken Girl Scout patches to the dry cleaner to sew on for me.”
Slow It Down
Taking a break from time to time can make a big difference.
When Fung makes mistakes or feels overwhelmed, she’ll try to slow down. “I try to make time for myself, whether that is a simple cup of coffee or an hour at yoga class,” Fung said.
Make Space
Our physical environment both reflects and impacts our mental state. Having a space to turn to in our homes when we need a break can be therapeutic.Step Away
Sometimes the best thing to do is get out of the house.Brain Dump
One powerful way to reduce the feeling of being overwhelmed is to take all of those to-do’s, projects, and reminders that are running around in your head, and get them down on paper.Murphy says once she feels less stressed, she then comes back and puts together an action plan for what needs to be done.
“This action plan always begins with a brain dump of writing out all that is creating mental clutter and from there creating a to-do list and writing out all that needs completed,” she said.
Wieboldt said, “When I look around my house and see nothing but disaster—toys everywhere, laundry piled high, dishes in the sink, bills scattered on the counter—it seems like an impossible task. I grab a piece of paper and make a list of everything—yes, everything—that needs to get done. I then organize the list into must-do and can-wait tasks and recruit my family to help.”
Beware of Digital Distractions
Do you ever notice that you’re crankier when you’re using your phone or computer? And that during those times, “interruptions” from your family members can cause you to react poorly?These handy digital devices we’ve invited into our homes truly are addicting. For all of the convenience they offer, they come with a price and can affect our moods and our productivity.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, check your digital habits.
For Sara Loy, a mom based in Las Vegas, the days that run smoothest happen she clears out mental and physical distractions.
Stop Comparing
There is no blueprint for being a good mom. What’s right for one family may not work for another. What’s more, that maternal instinct is a force to be reckoned with.And yet, moms tend to torture themselves by comparing their worst days to other people’s best days.
Nowhere is the comparison trap more evident than on social media. If you find yourself getting down because you’re comparing yourself to others, consider a social media fast.
Look Inward
While some days may look just like what you’d envisioned, there will be days that really won’t. Ask yourself how much of your negative feelings stem from your own expectations not matching reality.Might letting go of expectations a little bit give you room to enjoy the life you do have? Might easing your negative self-talk allow you to be more present with your family?
Ask for Help
Many moms hesitate to ask for help. For moms who can’t seem to find relief, professional help or therapy may be needed.All Moms Struggle
Motherhood is magical and rewarding beyond most other life experiences, but it can be equally as challenging and draining.“Just do the best you can do. You are enough!” McBain said. “Remember that even if other moms are presenting as having it all together on social media, in person, at school, etc., know [everyone] struggles.”
If you find yourself struggling, feeling like a failure, and wondering why you just can’t get it together, take solace in the knowledge that this is part of the job. Every mom feels like this from time to time. No mom is perfect all the time and no life is without some hardship.