What Is Chivalry and Is It Dead?

A detail from "Chivalry," 1885, by Frank Bernard Dicksee. Oil on canvas. Private collection. Public Domain

A 2018 article on website “The Conversation” related that even women who described themselves as staunch feminists find chivalrous men attractive, according to studies. The current accepted psychological jargon for chivalry is “benevolent sexism,” but I prefer the traditional term.

Modern psychologists are left rubbing their chins in consternation, trying to explain the phenomenon of women finding chivalry attractive. The original inventors of the term “benevolent sexism” believed that “benevolent sexism subtly undermines gender equality” because the belief that women should be cherished and protected—and actions in accordance with that belief—portray women as incompetent and in need of help.

A System of Belief

"Portrait of a Knight," 1510, by Vittore Carpaccio. Oil on canvas. Thyssen-Bornemisza Museum, Madrid. Public Domain

Of course, the term “chivalry” was originally about far more than just the way men treat women. It was a complex set of expectations for the behavior of mounted warriors, including battle etiquette. The term derives from the Latin “caballarius,” meaning horseman, via the Old French “chevalier.” Overall, it was an attempt to apply Christian ideals to the warrior profession, civilizing men who, without such high ideals but with the same interest in war and plundering, might otherwise behave brutishly. The medieval dubbing ceremony was nigh-on a liturgical celebration, and it included the knight’s famous all-night prayer vigil in the church in preparation for his new vocation.

An illustration of praying knights before the Combat of the Thirty, 1862, by John Everett Millais from the book "Ballads and Songs of Brittany" by Tom Taylor. Public Domain

A knight was to behave virtuously and courteously. He was to have immense loyalty to his liege lord, for chivalry also interacted with and reinforced the feudal social structure. As Roland says in the 11th-century “chanson de geste” called “The Song of Roland”: “For one’s lord one ought to suffer great hardships and be able to endure excessive cold or heat—yea, one ought to be ready to lose one’s blood and one’s flesh.” The relationship between lord and vassal was seen as mirroring on a lower level the relationship between God and his servants.

One of the expectations for a knight was that he would honor, respect, and protect women, and it is this element that has come to dominate in modern people’s understanding of the term “chivalry.” But it’s important to remember that the honoring of women was one piece of a larger vision ultimately rooted in faith and loyalty to God.

Chivalry in its modern conception has also become conflated with courtly love, a concept developed and elaborated on in the later Middle Ages by the troubadours. In their songs and poems, the bards proposed that knights were to choose a special high-born lady to love and honor and do great deeds for with utter devotion, even if they were never going to marry this woman. In its more excessive forms, this led to a complete idolization of a woman, viewing her as a superior being, a goddess. It could also degenerate into adultery when the selected high and noble lady was already married, as in the stories about Lancelot and Guinevere.

The famous medieval poet Geoffrey Chaucer dramatizes this perversion of chivalry in “The Knight’s Tale,” which shows the damage and absurdity that can result from an exaggerated form of courtly love, as two young men prepare to fight to the death over a woman neither of them has even spoken to.

In the original notion of the code of chivalry, a man was to honor a woman not because she was a superior being but because she was virtuous, chaste, modest, beautiful in her very nature, weaker than men physically, the preserver and generator of life and culture, the heart of the home and thus the heart of civilization, and because God had chosen to come into the world through a woman. In its best incarnation, courtly love inspired men to do great things because of the high expectations that their beloved had for them. Men and women thus mutually encouraged one another in the pursuit of virtue, and ultimately the pursuit of God.

"Chivalry," 1885, by Frank Bernard Dicksee. Oil on canvas. Private collection. Public Domain

Tennyson put the following words into the mouth of King Arthur in “Idylls of the King,” and I think they express very well the true spirit of this aspect of chivalry:

I knew Of no more subtle master under heaven Than is the maiden passion for a maid, Not only to keep down the base in man, But teach high thought, and aimable words And courtliness, and the desire of fame, And love of truth, and all that makes man.

Any man who has been in love with a truly good and noble woman knows the truth of these words.

The medieval poem “Sir Gawain and the Green Knight” can further deepen our understanding of chivalry and its inextricable link to virtue. In this 14th-century tale by an anonymous poet, Sir Gawain spends part of a quest in the castle of Lord Bertilak and his wife, Lady Bertilak. In this episode, the poet places in tension two core tenets of the chivalric code: courtesy to ladies on the one hand, and purity on the other. Sir Gawain is sorely tested when Lady Bertilak makes advances toward him that would compromise his purity and chastity, as well as his friendship with the lord. At the same time, to utterly rebuff her would violate his obligations of courtesy and the norms of courtly love.

"La Belle Dame sans Merci" ("The Beautiful Lady Without Mercy"), 1893, by John William Waterhouse. Oil on canvas. Hessian State Museum Darmstadt, Germany. Public Domain

You’ll have to read the poem to see how Sir Gawain handles this gnarly dilemma, but the point is that Sir Gawain, who is being held up to us as an ideal of the chivalric knight, believes that his knightliness depends primarily on the delicate balance of virtues, such as self-control, friendliness, and charity. It’s about far more than just holding doors for women. (Although certainly a true knight would never overlook such a simple yet important action, either.)

A Branch Cut From Its Tree

The question is often posed: Is chivalry dead? Is it relevant in the modern world? The number of different perspectives about the door-holding question that I’ve encountered is dizzying. I think that in the end, we can only really understand the question if we place chivalry in its proper context, as a complete code of conduct that goes well beyond just the relationship between men and women, for it is a wall within a larger structure (a castle, if you will), a piece within a larger worldview.

"God Speed," 1900, by Edmund Leighton. Oil on canvas. Private collection. Public Domain

We also need to understand that the chivalric spirit—though it found expression primarily in one particular time and place and culture—has universal underpinnings that apply just as much today as then, though they may look different in practice today.

Why do feminists find chivalrous men attractive? I would propose that men and women are hard-wired in this way, with a basic understanding of the complementary, yet differing, roles of the sexes in society. Women know that men ought to protect, and men know it, too. It’s in our natures.

However, to fully understand and develop this natural inclination, a larger cohesive worldview is necessary. Cut off from the full tree of the traditional Western and Christian vision of society and human nature, isolated acts of chivalry are withering branches. And they’re swiftly disappearing from our culture.

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