Thanksgiving is a special time when it’s OK to stuff both the turkey and yourself, but there are some rules of proper behavior that must be followed as you and guests sit down to a feast.
Bring a Dish
Just like the original Thanksgiving when the guests arrived with a dish, you should, too. But make sure you ask your host or hostess what to bring; otherwise, everyone may show up with cranberry sauce. By working with your host, you make things easier on him or her; showing up with an unneeded item isn’t helpful, so don’t assume you know what he or she wants.On a related note, unless you’re asked to bring a specific wine, don’t do it. Hard spirits are also on the “don’t bring” list. Desserts tend to be a safe bet, as are innocuous host or hostess gifts such as a scented candle or maybe a toy for their dog, if they have one.
Arrive on Time
An invitation to a Thanksgiving dinner is a big deal, so respect it. Even if the dinner is being held at a restaurant, be there at the appointed hour. Showing up fashionably late is unforgivably rude, but so is showing up an hour or more early. Arriving within 10 minutes of the stated start time is just right.Don’t show up ravenous and ready to eat; there may well be a wait until the meal is served, and seasoned dinner guests know to stash a granola bar or similar snack in their car. If you get desperate, step out to “make a call” and wolf it down.
Manners Matter
This is a great time to show off your table manners. Pass to the right, say “please” and “thank you,” don’t reach across the table, don’t talk with a mouth full of stuffing, and resist the urge to load up on turkey before all the other guests are served.Unless the host says “Grab a chair,” wait before taking a seat to allow the host to direct you according to his or her seating arrangement. If you have food allergies or don’t eat certain items, let the host know ahead of time. Otherwise, don’t make a big deal out of it; stay quiet and enjoy what you can eat.
Be Helpful
Help set the table, clean up afterward, or do the dishes, and absolutely offer to take the trash out. You can also volunteer to be of assistance even prior to the dinner. Ask if the host needs any help around the house, such as getting extra chairs and tables from the garage or attic, or maybe even trimming hedges or trees to make the yard party-ready. The goal is to help the host stage a wonderful holiday meal, with as few time-consuming distractions as possible. If you notice he or she needs a chore done but clearly will have difficulty getting to it in time, step up and extend a helping hand.This and That
Dress the part—no, not like Myles Standish in black knickers, an oversized collar, and a big, goofy hat, but definitely not in a T-shirt, shorts, and flip-flops, either. Show respect to the hosts and the event by asking about the dress code and then arriving appropriately dressed.Before, during, and after the meal, avoid taboo topics such as politics, religion, and people who aren’t present. No later than two days after the meal, send a handwritten thank-you note; an email—or, worse, a text—isn’t allowed.
Do all this, and there’s a good chance you’ll receive an invitation to Christmas dinner.
