Here in the Life & Tradition section of The Epoch Times, readers frequently find stories of men and women leading good, even noble, lives. These accounts of mothers and fathers, coaches and mentors, friends, and neighbors can prompt in us a desire to imitate their resolve and strength of character when confronted by our own hardships.
But what about negative examples? Certain people—parents, friends, teachers, employers, celebrities, and politicians—have the power to corrupt or debase those around them in profound ways. From the mother who day and night verbally abuses her daughter to the CEO whose weak leadership is bringing the company to ruin to the social media influencer advocating for unhealthy lifestyles, examples of how not to live or behave abound.
Failures
Search online for “famous people with awful parents,” and we find celebrities who, having suffered abuse or neglect at the hands of a parent, become bad parents as well.Eliminating the Negative
In another camp are those grown children who reject the bad parental behavior of their mothers or fathers and strike off on a more virtuous path.Ms. Mitchard then relates the ways in which children of such parents can escape this legacy. They must recognize the problems and behaviors that their parents dumped on them, resolve to break that pattern, educate themselves on becoming better parents—Ms. Mitchard did this in part by reading parent manuals—take small steps to change their behavior when they become parents themselves, and while realizing that there are no perfect parents, strive to do the best they can for their children.
“Because of how I was parented, I’m even more motivated to do the right thing than some of my peers who had luckier childhoods,” Ms. Mitchard writes. “I’m determined to offer empathy where none was offered to me because I am acutely aware that I’m not just raising today’s young people but also tomorrow’s parents.”
Lessons From Afar
Taking note of a negative influence, rejecting unacceptable behavior and actions, and seeking self-improvement through positive change extends far beyond the realm of parenting. The negatives we see and reject in others can run the gamut from the workplace to interactions with family and friends.Closer to Home
Nearly all of us encounter negative personalities in our lives. An irascible or weak-kneed supervisor may make our lives miserable. A relative’s rants about the state of the country can tempt us toward despair. A friend can entice an impressionable young person down the rabbit hole of bad habits and cynicism.If we keep our wits about us, we can recognize these negative influencers for who and what they are and refuse to allow them to dominate our lives. Here, Scrooge’s nephew in “A Christmas Carol” comes to mind. Unlike his wealthy but stingy curmudgeon of an uncle, Fred revels in the Christmas holidays, is generous and kind-spirited, and marries for love. Meanwhile, Scrooge showers the young man with acrimony and “Humbug” until his change of heart at the book’s end. Throughout the story, Fred not only refuses to go down his uncle’s abysmal path, which might have made him rich, but continually treats him with goodwill and pleasantries.
We can’t pick our parents, and even many of our coaches, teachers, and other mentors fall outside our power of selection. As we enter the age of discernment, however, and in fact for the rest of our lives, we can use our judgment and common sense to evaluate the people around us. Those who give us gifts that make us better human beings should be treasured and thanked; those whose counsel and behavior we deem wrongheaded, or sometimes even evil, we should reject out of hand, vowing never to yield to the temptations they offer. It’s this rejection of the negative that allows us to sleep with an easy conscience or look at ourselves in the mirror in the morning without shame.
“If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants,” Sir Isaac Newton famously wrote. Here, Newton was thinking of his advancements in the field of mathematics and physics, but the sentiment has a broader meaning as well. If we wish to stand on the shoulders of giants, we must avoid those who would drag us into the pits.