The Will to Wait

Tolerating delay and frustration can bring us peace of mind

Rather than allowing ourselves to be upset by everyday frustrations that are beyond our control, choose to have an accepting reaction, remaining calm and allowing the urge to be stressed melt away. Fei Meng

Recently, while reading some stories from Leo Tolstoy’s “Walk in the Light and Twenty-Three Tales,” it struck me how many of his characters were prisoners of time and circumstance.

“What Men Live By” features a fallen angel, Michael, who lives as a human being for years while seeking answers to three questions that God has demanded from him for his disobedience. In “God Sees the Truth, But Waits,” a merchant, Aksyonov, spends 26 years in Siberia for a crime that he didn’t commit. Impatient to go home and throwing caution aside, in “The Prisoner in the Caucasus,” Zhilin, a soldier, is captured by the Tartars and held for long months as their prisoner. All three characters require a rucksack of patience to endure their ordeals.

But how about us today? How do we of the digital age compare in patience to those of that bygone time when a letter often reached its recipient a month or more after it was dispatched?

Let’s say you’re happily zipping along the interstate. You top the crest of a hill, and for as far as you can see, the traffic ahead is at a near-standstill. Do you unleash a string of obscenities and blasphemies? Pound the steering wheel while your blood pressure hits the roof? Grab your phone and start looking for alternate routes?

We Americans are an impatient people, and sometimes this trait can be a virtue. When a hurricane slams into a city, we don’t tolerate a whole lot of lollygagging in getting help to the victims. When we’re having our kitchen renovated and the new appliances don’t arrive at the promised time, many of us rightly jump on the phone, contact the sales and delivery people, and demand satisfaction.

All too often, however, even the slightest glitches or delays can rile us into a thundering rage or cast us into the pits of despair. Some blame technology for this impatience, and certainly it’s a factor. When you’re accustomed to commanding the world with a few swipes or clicks on a machine, instant gratification becomes the rule rather than the exception.

Yet the practice of patience, especially in regard to others, can often yield amazing results. A father whom I know well was estranged from his son, yet he continued to send him emails and notes, even when no response was forthcoming. After three years, the day arrived when they were reunited, in part because of this dad’s devotion and refusal to give way to frustration or anger. “To wait and not be tired by waiting,” as Kipling says in “If—,” is one mark of being an adult.

Likewise, a calm and steady patience is a valuable tool in any leader’s kit. Search online for “leaders and patience,” and you’ll find dozens of sites that explain how this overlooked virtue can upgrade performance in the workplace. Nor is it of benefit only to supervisors. In “Impatiently Patient,” Korn Ferry CEO Gary Burnison reminds us that patience is a two-way street; everyone working together on some task needs to show forbearance to others, especially in our hectic, fast-paced world.

If we need some help with practicing patience, we might look to Abraham Lincoln. His years as a wartime president—with all their ups and downs—tested his forbearance on a daily basis, which probably explains one of his favorite sayings, “This too shall pass.”

The next time that you’re stuck in traffic or you’re in the middle of some chaotic mess at work, try pausing for a moment and repeating that soothing bit of wisdom, “This too shall pass.” Those words got Lincoln through some awful times. They’ve helped untold thousands of others cope with disasters large and small, and they can do the same for us.