I never saw a Purple Cow, I never hope to see one, But I can tell you, anyhow, I’d rather see than be one!
In 1895, American writer and humorist Frank Gelett Burgess penned those lines, which became one of the most famous American nonsense rhymes.Ah, yes! I wrote the “Purple Cow”— I’m Sorry, now, I Wrote it! But I can Tell you, Anyhow, I’ll Kill you if you Quote it!
Burgess’s original poem “The Purple Cow” has appeared in numerous children’s anthologies and continues to be read and recited by the pre-school crew. What child wouldn’t be attracted by such silliness, with its iambic beat (an unaccented syllable followed by an accented one) and word repetitions?But that second piece, Burgess’s rueful look in the rearview mirror, appeals to a more sophisticated audience, one that can understand the nuances as to why the poet regrets the original and why he jokes that “I’ll Kill you if you Quote it!”
The Children’s Corner
Open a children’s anthology of poetry, and odds are that you’ll find old favorites meant to bring a smile or a laugh, like Laura Richards’s “Eletelephony” or A.A. Milne’s “Now We Are Six.” Despite their age, many of these rhymes have retained their place in children’s literature, though their antiquated vocabulary and societal changes have exiled some former popular children’s poems.
In Hilaire Belloc’s “Cautionary Tales for Children,” for instance, many today may deem once well-known poems like “Jim, Who Ran Away From His Nurse, and Was Eaten by a Lion” and “Rebecca, Who Slammed Doors for Fun and Perished Miserably” as too violent for children, though they do remain in print.
“I cannot go to school today,” Said little Peggy Ann McKay. “I have the measles and the mumps, A gash, a rash, and purple bumps. My mouth is wet, my throat is dry, I’m going blind in my right eye.”
A Bash With Nash
Here, we have to dig a bit deeper for some smiles. Poems like Lewis Carroll’s “Jabberwocky” make some critics’ lists as adult poetry, but such inclusions are more a consequence of sophisticated wordplay than any grownup theme.But when we rummage around a bit, either online or in our libraries, we do find poetry tailor-made for those who are of legal age to buy a bottle of cabernet. One of the best and most prolific of these makers of rhythm and rhyme is that master of light verse Ogden Nash (1902–1971).
To keep your marriage brimming With love in the loving cup, Whenever you’re wrong, admit it; Whenever you’re right, shut up.
Somewhat of a hypochondriac, Nash had this to say in the last stanza of “Common Cold,” in which a doctor reassures him that he has only an ordinary case of the sniffles:A common cold, gadzooks, forsooth! Ah, yes. And Lincoln was jostled by Booth; Don Juan was a budding gallant, And Shakespeare’s plays show signs of talent; The Arctic winter is fairly coolish, And your diagnosis is fairly foolish. Oh what a derision history holds For the man who belittled the Cold of Colds!
One of his most quoted poems, “Reflections on Ice Breaking,” is only seven words long:Candy Is Dandy But liquor Is quicker.
Relevance
The humor of some poems from the past still strikes home today.
“THE HAND that rocks the cradle”—but there is no such hand; It is bad to rock the baby, they would have us understand; So the cradle’s but a relic of the former foolish days When mothers reared their children in unscientific ways— When they jounced them and they bounced them, these poor dwarfs of long ago— The Washingtons and Jeffersons and Adamses, you know.
From that most prolific of poets, Unknown, we have advice that might still come into play today in “A Maxim Revised”:Ladies, to this advice give heed—
In controlling men: If at first you don’t succeed, Why, cry, cry again.
For those of us who wear that euphemistic crown of senior citizen, “Not My Age” relates a common experience that may bring a chuckle:That’s not my age; it’s just not true. My heart is young; the time just flew. I’m staring at this strange old face, And someone else is in my place!
And certainly our “selfie” culture might take both a smile and a lesson from Emily Dickinson’s “I’m Nobody! Who Are You?”I’m Nobody! Who are you? Are you–Nobody–too? Then there’s a pair of us! Don’t tell! they'd advertise–you know!
How dreary–to be–Somebody! How public–like a Frog– To tell one’s name–the livelong June– To an admiring Bog!
Lockdown Lyrics
In our search for humorous rhymes, we can even find verse that applies to the pandemic and the obsessions and fears it engendered, as in Arthur Guiterman’s “Strictly Germ-Proof”:The Antiseptic Baby and the Prophylactic Pup Were playing in the garden when the Bunny gamboled up; They looked upon the Creature with a loathing undisguised; It wasn’t Disinfected and it wasn’t Sterilized.
The Baby and the Pup then rid the Bunny of his germs until “There’s not a Micrococcus in the garden where they play.”Oh, we are quarantined, I guess For ‘bout a million years But if we don’t get out of here We’ll burst right out in tears.
And from Canada we have this verse that should remind us of how many symptoms were blamed on COVID-19:The toothpaste didn’t taste right— Spanish Flu! The bath soap burned my eyes— Spanish Flu! My beard seemed to have grown pretty fast and tough overnight— Spanish Flu!
Children at Play
Like sleep, laughter and smiles are natural physicians. They are vitamins taken against our troubles, particularly those which, like the masks and lockdowns recently, are spurred on by public policies. As numerous online sources tell us, a good laugh and a cheerful attitude offer mental and physical benefits ranging from reduced stress to lower blood pressure.
We can find that laughter by reading poetry, or even better, sharing it with others. If we feel so inspired, we might also consider writing some lighthearted verse of our own, keeping always in mind that words in this case are playthings—and not just intended for children.