The Last Gift: 4 Ways to Outlive Your Life

Making your last words last for generations

Grandkids can learn more about their grandparents and their family history by recording their life stories. (Biba Kayewich)

Peter Pauper Press’s “Peace of Mind Planner” isn’t only a bit of a tongue twister but an invaluable tool for preparing for death. Owners of the book will find sections in which to record bank and insurance information, passwords to accounts, email addresses of friends, the location of important documents, and a myriad of other details, all aimed at helping those we leave behind settle our estate.

For those looking for a dash of black humor, the publishers have issued an identical book under the title “I’m Dead. Now What?”

The final two pages in the planner are reserved for “Last Words,” which will strike some of us as humorous. After all, any notes recorded on this page aren’t really our last words. The diligent may complete this section, but then go on to live another 20 years, meanwhile filling the air with tens of thousands of other “last words.”

Yet, “Last Words” reveals a real human desire to leave a piece of ourselves behind, some snatch of wisdom or advice, some lasting mark that we were here. A rich man may fulfill this wish by giving money to a university in order to have a building named after him. Memorial bridges, boulevards, and historic homes all keep alive the names of the dead. Writers leave behind memoirs, and the nobility of earlier times sat for their portraits so that the next generation might remember them.

Though most of us don’t fit into these categories of fame or wealth, we can, if we wish to do so, preserve our memories and family lore for future generations.

Grandkids can learn more about their grandparents and their family history by recording their life stories. (Biba Kayewich)

Set a Spell

For most of human history, storytelling was the customary way the old passed their family traditions and wisdom to the young. As recently as the mid-20th century, families and neighbors might “set a spell” on the porch and swap stories.

Whatever our age, most of us today still enjoy stories, from fairy tales to movie thrillers. They’re an uncomplicated way to share your past with the younger generation, requiring only time, a sofa or some front porch rocking chairs, and an audience. Children especially enjoy tales of when their parents were kids themselves.

Keep in mind, however, that these narratives are also unreliable. As a boy, I heard several stories of Grandpa Clarke, my paternal grandmother’s father. At age 3, he had immigrated with his family to America from Ireland, was a scrapper even as an adult, and loved his daughters. I still know some of the stories, and I’ve shared them with my grandchildren, but wish now that I’d had the maturity to write down names, times, and places.

Pen in Hand

By writing about your life or the advice you wish to give to the younger gang, you can more reliably pass on information. Moreover, putting your thoughts into print gives your descendants a chance to return again and again to your words.

This project strikes many people as daunting, either because they see it as too much work or feel they lack the composition and organizational skills to pull it off. Here the apprehensive can rest easy, as there are plenty of online helps for just such a project.

Storyworth, for instance, works like a conversation. You answer one question a week via email, and at the end of the year, Storyworth turns your words into a handsomely bound book. The company offers several hundred questions from which to choose, like “What matters most in your life?” or “What is a favorite memory of childhood?” The system is set up so that a relative may also select the weekly question and email it to some beloved aunt or grandfather, whose response is then recorded at Storyworth.

StoryCorps Inc. is a nonprofit organization that has collected hundreds of thousands of American stories. At this site, you’ll discover scores of excellent questions about your past. Answer the questions, or even some of them, with mini-essays, and again, you’ll soon have a written portrait of your life and interests.

Actor, Director, Producer: That’s You!

For those who dislike putting sentences and paragraphs together, but who have some lessons and stories they wish to share with their children and grandchildren, here’s a fine way to hand over some memories to the next generations. As a society enamored with podcasts and film, the young will likely get a charge out of seeing a video of their great-great-grandmother describing her girlhood so long in the past.

Moreover, in many ways, an autobiographical documentary brings you to life in ways unavailable in print. Your audience will react to your facial expressions, your asides, the quirks—we all have them—in your speech and demeanor. Imagine yourself, for instance, sitting in a favorite chair, a drink in hand—bourbon, tea, whatever you wish—while you tell your story of bygone days. If an interview format is more appealing, then your teenage grandchild could ask you prepared questions, which you could take from outfits such as StoryCorps.

Remembrance of Things Past

Many of us will leave behind furniture, letters, photographs, and other baggage from the past, some of which highlight our lives and our family history.

Some of my peers have told me they intend to leave their treasures and trash for their children to sort out, but that’s a mistake on three counts. First, some of those treasures may end up in a dump or a second-hand shop along with the trash. Second, you’re leaving headaches for your loved ones as one of your legacies. One man I know spent hours and days for the past two years dispersing of his mom’s belongings. Finally, you’re unwittingly treating your past and earlier generations with contempt.

From my mother, I inherited a secretary. The front pulls down to make a writing desk. There are slots for letters and papers, a tiny bookshelf at the top, and a drawer and a storage unit at the bottom. Yet, all I know about this lovely antique is that it belonged to Mom’s mother, who inherited it from some other member of her family. I’ve written down what little I know about the secretary for my children, but wish now I had asked Mom for more specifics.

The lesson here is to provide information on objects left behind. If we have a collection of photographs marking family events, or pictures of our ancestors, we should write out a minimum description on the back. If we own, as I do, a collection of letters written over two decades, we should separate them and explain by way of a note why they are worthy of preservation.

If your great-aunt gives you a silver brooch, ask for its history, pen and paper at hand. If you want to know your mother’s feelings on her wedding day, ask her. Meanwhile, try some of the techniques above for depositing your own life stories with the next generation.

“You live as long as you’re remembered,” goes an old Russian proverb.

Live a life of virtue, leave a piece of yourself with your descendants, and you may be remembered longer than you can possibly imagine.