Getting an event invite is always special and exciting, an occasion for which to be on our best behavior. The 1850 book “How To Be a Lady,” by American author Harvey Newcomb, offers some time-honored tips for all guests, men and women alike.
Punctuality Pays
Being late is never fashionable. Those who are tardy for only three minutes at a party of five “waste fifteen minutes of precious time,” Newcomb writes. A host also loses precious time when a guest arrives excessively early. Thus, practicing punctuality not only honors your host, but it also values and respects his other guests.Ditch the Chatty Cathy Persona
Those who dominate conversation at a gathering give “sensible people … a very unfavorable impression” of you, Newcomb writes. But those who avoid interrupting others, and listen carefully instead, will help people feel valued and respected, creating a pleasant atmosphere for everyone.Irritating Indecisiveness
Guests who don’t wish to be a bother will sometimes say they “have no choice” when asked what they prefer at mealtime. Newcomb advises against such indecisiveness, however, “for this will put the master of the house to the inconvenience of choosing for you.”Be Others-Oriented
It’s always awkward when that bowl of potatoes or basket of rolls stops halfway around the table. So pass the dishes and lend a hand to others around you, Newcomb exhorts, encouraging us to observe our fellow guests “to know and anticipate [their] wants.”Don’t Be an Epicurean
“To be very particular in the choice of food is not agreeable to good breeding,” Newcomb writes. Instead, he encourages guests to avoid insulting the host by eating what is set before them without comments on one’s “likes and dislikes.”Practice Good-Natured Gratitude
Expressing appreciation to your host doesn’t only have to be done through words! “Show your praise of the food set before you, by the good nature and relish with which you partake of it; but do not eat so fast as to appear voracious,” Newcomb writes.This article was originally published in American Essence magazine.
