The Days of Love and Service: The Vocation of Caretaking

Millions of Americans know firsthand the joys, responsibilities, and hardships of caregiving.

In the United States, 53 million people are caretakers. Biba Kayewich

The alarm sounds every morning at 6 o'clock, but as Anne Wagner explained, no one’s off to work or school in this Mocksville, North Carolina, household. Since 2022, Anne has been the primary caretaker for her husband, Ric, who retired in 2019 as the CEO of Piedmont Federal Savings Bank.

“It’s time for the first medication, and then I do early morning exercises with Ric. When you have Parkinson’s, you have to think big and act big, because one of the characteristics of Parkinson’s is that everything is small. Your writing is small, your voice smaller. So we do the big exercises first, moving our arms and shouting out when we do that about four times.”

Using a walker, Ric then makes his way to the bathroom, where Anne helps him into the shower. After starting breakfast preparations in the kitchen, she helps her husband dress.

“He has trouble bending over, and I help him just so he can get moving faster in the morning,“ she said. ”Then I prepare breakfast. We also begin the morning with prayer and reading. One of the things Ric does is he reads to me in the morning, and I read to him in the evening, a devotional that’s all Scripture.”

According to the online article “Standing Up and Stepping In,” 43.5 million Americans in 2015 were caring for a spouse, a child with special needs, or an elderly parent, relative, or friend. Today, that number has jumped to 53 million. The average time spent caregiving has also taken a bounce, with about three-quarters of these people spending 10 hours to more than 30 hours every week assisting loved ones.

Anne is just one of these caretakers who every morning begins a new chapter in a special story of care and deep affection.

Excursions

Although routine—exercises, timed medications, and the necessities of living—commands their days, Anne spices up this regimen with some fun and adventure.

“Ric and I bought a golf cart, and since he can’t go very far with the walker or the rollator, we drive through the countryside—we live in the country—and that really helps him,“ she said. ”Occasionally, he’ll drive the golf cart with me in it, because he can no longer drive a car.”

Anne also plans outings farther away from the home and the neighborhood. On Wednesdays, for example, the couple goes out to lunch or dinner at a restaurant, and every 10 days or so, she plans a day trip for them, driving into the nearby mountains or even just to another area of town.

“It gets us out of the house, like a date,” she said.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays, a caregiver comes to the house for four to six hours. While there, he takes Ric to the local Rock Steady Boxing, which is part of a chain of gymnasiums using the pugilistic arts to ease the symptoms and slow the progression of Parkinson’s. On these days, the caregiver frees up Anne to go shopping, pick up prescriptions, and occasionally have lunch with friends.

These are also the days that she can spend more time with her 94-year-old mother.

A Vocation of Love

Beginning in 1990, Anne and her family lived as next-door neighbors to her parents. During that time, with her own two children still at home, she helped care for her father, who suffered ill health and Alzheimer’s disease before he died in 2021.

“It was during COVID, and I couldn’t even be with him,“ she said. ”It was beyond terrible.”

When her mother suffered a stroke in 2002, Anne assumed responsibility for her care as well. She helped with the cooking, shopping, housekeeping, and medications. After her mother and father entered an assisted living facility in 2015, she made visiting her parents a part of her routine. She continues to visit her mother regularly.

“There are occasions where I get Ric into the car, and we go together,“ she said. ”Sometimes, he’ll wait in the car, and sometimes, he uses his rollator to go into the room where we both encourage my mom.”

If life gave out degrees for such accomplishments, by now, Anne would likely have earned her doctorate in caregiving.

And millions of other Americans would qualify for that same degree.

Invisible Volunteers

Many of these caregivers also work at jobs outside the home. The combination of caregiving and employment results in added stress and expenses, and it negatively affects the U.S. economy because of absenteeism and the loss of jobs. Moreover, busy caregivers are less inclined to attend to their own health needs, which then creates additional problems and expenses.

This stress and overwork can quickly become a mental burden as well. Forty percent of caregivers reported that their duties negatively affected their stress levels.

4 Caretaking Essentials

Well aware of the toll that these responsibilities take on caregivers, Anne counters with four main strategies: physical exercise, personal time, perspective, and faith.

Physical Exercise

In addition to joining her husband for his exercises, Anne works out on her own.

“When he’s in the kitchen in the morning, shaving and having his quiet time, I do online exercise so I can stay in shape and fit, and he’s excited for me to be able to do that, to just have that time,” she said.

Personal Time

In addition to her Tuesday and Thursday hours when she shops or meets a friend for coffee, Anne makes sure that she takes some extended time for self-care. When she spoke to The Epoch Times, for instance, she was taking some rest and relaxation at Emerald Isle on North Carolina’s Outer Banks.

“I really have some ‘accountability friends’ that I’m down here at the beach with who pray with me all the time back home,“ she said. ”These gals are bringing me coffee in bed, which is just awesome to be cared for by others, knowing that you have to replenish your caregiving batteries.”

Perspective

Our attitude regarding any situation, Anne said, also heavily influences how we handle it. For more than 40 years, she and Ric had crossed paths, but it was only when Ric was widowed and Anne divorced that a nudge from a mutual friend brought them together. They fell in love, and marriage followed in 2015.

Seven years later, Ric was diagnosed with Parkinson’s. Anne immediately took on the role of primary caregiver.

“You know, in sickness and in health, till death do us part,“ she said. ”We were all in, 100 percent all in. So there’s a whole new chapter being rewritten with God as our anchor. He’s always my anchor. And he was even in the time before Ric, and it was for Ric the same way.”

Faith

That mutual faith is a powerful bond.

“We greatly appreciate each other and the Lord bringing us together, and so there’s been just great joy in the midst of the difficulty, and Ric is as kind and compassionate and loving to me,“ she said. ”That keeps me going, and we sing a song, ‘This is the day that the Lord has made,’ back and forth to each other almost every day. Ric is truly a champion. He encourages me and is a joy to care for.”

Alongside that image of God as an anchor, Anne applies a different metaphor for caregiving.

“I’m a keeper of the springs,” she tells people. “A keeper of the springs is someone who keeps the trash out of the water source, which is the life source, and keeps the water flowing so that their family can be nourished and healthy. That was and is my job, to provide the food and the home as the keeper of the springs.”