Taking a Pass on the Pervasive Princess Culture

Many of us don’t want to see our daughters and granddaughters pursuing that pushy princess mode, ready to tell off anyone who crosses her at any time. JGI/Jamie Grill/Getty Images

Has it ever struck you that today’s kids seem far more prone to disrespectful outbursts than the kids of a generation ago?

Even uttering that question makes me feel like I’ve passed into the back-when-I-was-a-kid realm of nostalgia, though I can barely be classified as a middle-aged millennial! Yet I know I’m not alone in this observation.

In fact, in his 2015 book, “The Collapse of Parenting,” Leonard Sax noted that there is a general “culture of disrespect” pervading American culture today. Personal experience and conversations with friends confirm that this culture of disrespect can be prevalent even in good homes where parents are genuinely trying to raise their children right.

So what’s behind these disrespectful outbursts?

I believe there are many, many things promoting them ... but one in particular—especially prevalent among girls—recently struck me, and that is the pervasiveness of princess culture.

The Pushy Princess

Little girls have always been attracted to princesses. The beautiful dresses they wear, the castle on a hill in which they live, and the prince who sweeps them off their feet are all things endearing to girlish hearts—and in a good way, because they are things that encourage the feminine instincts and qualities of beauty, marriage, and a home.

But in the past 25 years or so, the princess mentality promoted largely by Disney has spread like wildfire through society. Clothing stores are filled with Disney princess dresses—or T-shirts and pajamas sprinkled with Disney princess characters—while the same faces of these princesses grace every other kid’s accessory, from toothbrushes to vitamins.

True, these princesses do perform random acts of kindness ... but don’t many of them also have a general aura, air, or attitude that is best described as “girl power”?

“I’m in charge,” this attitude signals. “I know what I want, and I know how to get it.” Furthermore, “It’s all about me—my feelings, my comfort, and my dreams.”

As a female, I can confirm that this attitude is attractive. It’s one that we as fallen human beings embrace naturally, so when little girls are continually surrounded by this Disney princess mentality, of course they’re going to lean into it.

But that’s not the type of woman I want to be. And unless I miss my guess, many of us don’t want to see our daughters and granddaughters pursuing that pushy princess mode, ready to tell off anyone who crosses her at any time.

Furthermore, such an attitude is not a true princess mentality. In fact, if today’s girls want to be true princesses, they’ll pursue the exact opposite of the Disney template.

A Little Princess

When I was a girl, one of my favorite books was Frances Hodgson Burnett’s “A Little Princess.” This riches-to-rags and back-to-riches story has all the fairytale qualities that girls love—beautiful dresses and accessories, a “princess” in disguise, a wicked antagonist who receives her just deserts, and a storybook rescue in the nick of time.

But the Little Princess, also known as Sara Crewe, is not your typical girl power Disney heroine. In fact, her approach to life in good times and bad was to be a princess internally more than externally. Her royal status was one of the heart, perhaps best described by the old admonition that he who wants to be greatest must first be a servant. Burnett’s story of Sara Crewe shows this in three ways.

For starters, Sara put others first, always seeking to help the less fortunate. When she was rich, she refused to show preference, giving time to the outcasts of society—inviting the little children who were often pushed aside to special events in her room, and showing special care and attention to Becky, the lowest of the servants at the boarding school Sara attended. When she was poor and starving herself, she gave most of her food to a beggar girl, reflecting that a real princess would do what she could to help the populace, even if it was to her own detriment.

Secondly, Sara tried to maintain a cheerful demeanor even when life wasn’t going well. Some may say that her flights of imagination were simply escapist—a coping mechanism to get through hard times—and perhaps they were to some extent. But they also demonstrate a spirit determined not to give up, a spirit that looks for the silver lining rather than get depressed, and a spirit that finds encouragement by encouraging others.

Finally, Sara sought to return good for evil. She held her tongue and checked her physical response countless times in situations in which she was mistreated—situations in which many of us would feel justified in giving in to rage and tears. She knew that a true princess kept her emotions in check and was not controlled by them, nor did she use them to mistreat others.

Upending Princess Culture

With these two examples before us—the typical Disney princess on the one hand and the Sara Crewe princess on the other—which would you choose for your daughter’s role model?

Naturally, most of us are going to choose the latter.

But how do we get our daughters and granddaughters to pursue the Sara Crewe version of princesshood, especially in a society that pushes the girl-power princess continually?

For starters, we may have to steer them away from all the bling and entertainment that Disney is pumping into our consumerist culture. Provide them with other role models such as Sara Crewe, Laura Ingalls, Anne of Green Gables, and Jo March. Read the books of these characters with them and encourage them to act out these characters during their playtime.

Were these models perfect? No, but in general, they promoted character traits that were far more conducive to cultivating the heart of a gracious, loving princess rather than a selfish, girl-powered one.

Secondly, we can steer our young daughters and granddaughters away from Disney role models and toward good ones, but such actions will be in vain unless we ourselves reject the Disney princess mode. And let’s be honest: The selfish, emotional, controlling attitude that personifies a Disney princess is one that all of us adult women can slip into all too easily.

It doesn’t have to be that way, ladies. We, too, can be princesses in disguise by forgetting self, putting others first, and keeping our emotions under control. And the more we work toward this type of princess mentality ourselves, the more likely it is that the next generation will become one of respect, dignity, and grace.