What you don’t say matters as much as what you do say—sometimes more.
Don’t let poor body language undermine your good message. Pull your shoulders back, put your head up, and get ready to make your point heard!
Nonverbal Signals
You may not even be aware of it, but your body is having a conversation with the person, or people, that you’re talking to. Keep your chin parallel to the floor, push your shoulders back and down, straighten your spine, and, whether standing or seated, distribute your body weight evenly. Lean slightly—but don’t hunch—forward. Leaning forward shows interest, but hunching indicates stress. Similarly, keep your hands relaxed and open; resist the temptation to rub them together, lay them firmly on top of each other, or fidget. When talking, keep the hand gestures to a minimum, as they can distract from what you’re saying.The Eyes Have It
We all know the importance of maintaining eye contact to convey sincerity, interest, confidence, and, let’s be honest here, to make sure the other person is still paying attention when we’re talking. But there can be too much of a good thing, which is where the 50/70 rule comes in. To give appropriate attention without inappropriate staring, keep eye contact about 50 percent of the time when speaking and 70 percent of the time while listening. Intersperse your gaze with blinking, nodding, and looking away to convey that you’re thinking (only about the matter at hand, of course). Look away slowly; doing this too quickly can make you seem nervous.Best Face Forward
Ideally, our faces would stay natural, open, and pleasant during any and all conversations, but the reality is that our faces reflect our feelings. Relax your jaw, slide your tongue inside your mouth, and start with a smile. Opening your eyes slightly has the effect of raising your eyebrows as well, both of which convey intelligence. We’re not talking crazy wide, but definitely don’t squint; this is something to keep doubly in mind when outdoors, especially if it’s a bright day.Consciously use your expressions to communicate your emotions and feelings and direct the conversation, but don’t be overly expressive, as that can detract from your credibility. If in doubt, practice in front of a mirror as professional speakers do.
Vocal Cues
Words are powerful, so enunciate them. You don’t have to practice saying “She sells seashells by the seashore” before a big presentation, but it can’t hurt. Take a deep breath to open your diaphragm for a fuller, richer tone. Speak at a steady pace that’s easy to understand; talking too fast sounds nervous, while talking too slow can seem less intelligent. Say goodbye to the wishy-washy “maybe,” “just,” and “perhaps”; they can undercut your message. Also eliminate saying “um,” “huh,” “hmm,” “nah,” “like,” and “you know” as fillers while collecting your thoughts.Have the confidence to pause and think when needed. Allow others to have their turn; avoid long stories or oversharing.
Listen With Confidence
Every conversation is an opportunity to build trust and deepen connection, and active listening is an important part of that process. Face the speaker and maintain eye contact. This time, you’re the one looking for the nonverbal cues. Listen without interrupting, judging, or jumping to conclusions; sometimes, all the speaker wants is a willing ear to listen. Nod, say yes, and make encouraging noises that show you’re paying attention.Stay focused; it’s all too easy to mentally step back to plan what you want to say next and lose track of the conversation. Ask questions if needed, and paraphrase and summarize to show that you got the message.
