Norma and Robert Chase were delighted to be invited to dinner at the home of people they had just met while visiting Berlin, Germany. They showed up at 7:30 p.m., half an hour after the appointed time, as they might have done in the United States, where arriving “fashionably late” is usually acceptable.
Charles Costa was strolling down a crowded sidewalk in London when he accidentally bumped into another man heading in the opposite direction. Before Mr. Costa could say he was sorry, the other gentleman apologized to him.
Some typical behaviors in other countries differ from what’s normal in the United States; and some behaviors that are normal in the United States can be perplexing, or even insulting, to residents of other countries. That’s why it can be helpful when planning a trip to a foreign destination for the first time to learn something about what is considered to be acceptable and polite there—and what is not.
If the Chases had done their homework, they would have known that punctuality is very important to people in Germany. Leaving folks waiting there might be taken as an indication that you believe your time is more valuable than theirs. And visitors to Great Britain should know that good manners are alive and well there. Often, when two people accidentally bump into each other when walking, both say they are sorry for the unexpected encounter.
Planning to avoid travel faux pas can—and should—begin well before a trip gets underway. That includes packing clothes that not only will be adequate for the weather at the places you will be visiting but also are appropriate. It’s fine to take casual, comfortable attire that is suitable for most sightseeing experiences, but some cultures call for dressing a bit more conservatively. For example, at places of worship in a number of countries, women should wear skirts and cover their shoulders.
Meeting people also can call for correct procedures. In France, it’s customary to greet someone you have encountered before with a kiss or even two, from the left to right cheek. But the French don’t have a monopoly on friendly bussing. A kiss on each cheek also is common in Spain and Italy.
The more formal Germans generally prefer a handshake or, if it’s not the first encounter, perhaps a hug. When entering a room in that country, it’s considered polite to shake hands with everyone who is there, including children. Handshakes or hugs are common in the Scandinavian countries, although a verbal greeting is preferred if you haven’t met the person before. Bowing continues to be practiced in Japan when meeting or thanking someone. It’s considered polite to bend lower if the other person is older or has a higher social status as a sign of respect.
How to communicate with people in other countries also has its list of do’s and don’ts. For starters, use your library voice. Many folks who live elsewhere speak in more dulcet tones. Sometimes if the person with whom you’re talking doesn’t know English well, the temptation is to speak more loudly in the belief that will make what you say more understandable.
Also keep in mind that while Americans often communicate in a direct way, that is not comfortable for people in some other countries. Questions that seem natural at home may come across as too direct and delving. The British are known for their reserve and tactfulness, and questions you could ask a person whom you just met in the United States might come across as aggressive. Canadians can be very tactful, and even if they disagree with someone, they’re likely to do so with diplomacy.
Dinner table manners also can come into play. In Norway, leaving any food on your plate might be interpreted as a sign that you didn’t like it. If a guest in Finland who happens to be dieting says “No, thanks” when offered dessert, it could be taken as a rude response. The advice offered by Linda Nye, a travel education specialist, is to accept the sweet as a courtesy, even if you only take a nibble of it. If invited to a German’s house for dinner, a handwritten thank-you note sent the following day is considered a polite gesture. So is taking flowers for the hostess in Mexico.
And the list of do’s and don’ts continues. In some Asian countries, the head is considered sacred, and patting a child’s may be seen as offensive. Taking photographs of people can present a number of cultural challenges too. Doing so without asking permission can be seen as an invasion of privacy and a personal affront. Some photographers seek to avoid this situation by using a telephoto lens to snap pictures from a distance. The safest practice is to ask permission before pointing your camera.
