Mastering the After-School Transition

Kids look forward to returning to the comfort of home after a busy day at school. Monkey Business Images/Shutterstock

The fall back-to-school season can be challenging for kids. After a carefree summer where children have enjoyed outdoor adventures, free play, family togetherness, and ample sleep, it can be jarring to witness the difficulties they experience once school has begun again. A common time when this struggle tends to manifest itself is during the hour or two directly after they return home from school each day.

After six or more hours in school, it’s not uncommon for little ones to exhibit crankiness, sadness, frustration, and fatigue upon arriving home. Many kids struggle with the transition to their afternoon of homework or after-school activities.

What’s a parent to do? It might be tempting to insist that homework be done immediately to get it over with, or to relentlessly ask them about their day. However, allowing for a gentle welcome back to their warm, loving home and providing some freedom and peace to unwind in will likely make for happier kids and better afternoons.

As the new school year kicks off, here are some ideas to consider when your children come home from school.

A Soft Place to Fall

You might remember when years ago, psychologist and talk show host Dr. Phil appeared on “The Oprah Winfrey Show” to discuss relationships. He talked about partners ideally maintaining “a soft place to fall” for one another.

What a lovely vision—providing “a soft place to fall” for our loved ones. This is what kids need when they come home from school.

They’ve been cooped up inside, sitting for long hours, directed by adults, tied to a strict and often rushed schedule, and soaked in an environment that likely requires patience and tolerance to navigate.

As parents, rather than continuing the trend of rushing through the remainder of the day and ticking items off a to-do list, perhaps we can keep softness in mind and cushion their transition home by simply slowing down and being gentle, kind, and compassionate.

Warmth of Home

The state of our homes can affect our internal well-being. Clutter and disarray can restrict one’s ability to focus and limit one’s ability to process information. Operating in a clear and clean space is less stressful than navigating one that is messy and chaotic. Welcoming our children into a clutter-free home can be beneficial.

You might consider playing calm music, lighting candles, and keeping the artificial light to a minimum to enhance the calm and peaceful environment at home each afternoon.

Pause the Interrogation

It’s natural to be interested and curious about your children’s day. Peppering them with too many after-school questions (“How was your day? What did you do at recess? Did you enjoy your lunch? How was art class? How are your friends doing?”) can at that point be exhausting for children, rather than encouraging or supportive as one might assume.

Replace the well-intentioned interrogation with hugs and smiles, soft speech, and calm actions. Let them come home and just be. As the day goes on, they'll share and communicate with you when they are ready.

Allow Time to Decompress

Even young children can be assigned quite a bit of homework these days, and a parent might believe it important to get that chore out of the way as quickly as possible. Let’s just get it over with so we can enjoy the rest of our day, right?

While waiting too long to begin homework can lead to frustrating evenings, for sure, buffering the time between arriving home and beginning homework with relaxation can be quite helpful for your children.

Offering a healthy snack and water and allowing your children to enter their home and decompress after their school day can make all the difference.

Don’t Overschedule

After-school activities can provide amazing opportunities for children to explore their interests and learn new things. It doesn’t take long, however, before the time these activities eat up can be more costly than the benefits they offer.

Be extremely selective when it comes to committing your children’s time. Don’t lose sight of the fact that those activities will replace time for free play, which is vital to their growth and, quite possibly, more valuable than the activities you’ve signed them up for.

With some small shifts in strategy and a compassionate understanding of school-day demands on your children, you can offer them a delightful, healthier transition to home after school.