Living a Life of Congruence

Knowing your standards is one thing, but living by them is so much harder—and more important.

The key to consistent improvement is to continuously seek higher wisdom and better understandings of life’s biggest questions. Derwin Edwards/Pexels

If you want to be confident, be congruent. When your thoughts, words, and behavior align with your personal standards, values, and beliefs, you are living authentically and acting in congruence with what you understand to be good and true. When you act in contrast to your values, you'll feel a sense of unease and mistrust in yourself, and your confidence can quickly erode.

It’s one thing to understand right and wrong and to know how to handle various situations according to your highest standards. It’s another thing entirely to live according to such standards.

Anyone can get swept up in popular trends and opinions or selfish pursuits of comfort or reward, losing sight of what’s right. The easy way is not always the best way, and prioritizing comfort can lead to deep dissatisfaction in the long run. When you’re able to act in congruence with what you believe is good, you’ll feel aligned and content, even if the action is painful or difficult.

Mind the Gap

It’s worthwhile to reflect upon yourself and to what extent you’re living authentically. All human beings have room for improvement in various aspects of their lives and character. Look for any gaps you can find between what you’re doing and what you know you should be doing.

Are you spending more of your time on pursuits that align with your highest principles, or are you wasting time on distractions and avoidance? You might catalog your activities over the course of a day to measure how you’re spending your time. What’s more, you may look at how you’re not spending your time. For example, if quality time with family is a high priority in your life, yet you’ve been too busy with other things, there’s a gap.

Finding gaps is not to elicit guilt or shame but to bring clarity and identify opportunities for improvement.

Build Better Habits

Solid habits are the scaffolding of flourishing lives, while negative habits can erode one’s foundation. Audit your habits to determine which are preventing you from living in alignment with your values and which can foster congruence in your life. Mindless scrolling through social media, procrastination, or negative self-talk are examples of habits you might aim to curtail. A consistent fitness routine, date nights with your spouse, or studying spiritual teachings each morning might be habits that reinforce your deeply held values.

Consider Your Legacy

What example do you wish to set? The extent to which you live in congruence with your highest principles affects not only your life but also the lives around you. If you’re a parent, you’re setting an indelible example for your children.

The more you allow your authentic self to shine through, the greater the positive effect you’ll have on everyone within your sphere of influence.

Seek Higher Wisdom

Life is a journey of constant growth and improvement. The key to consistent improvement is to continuously seek higher wisdom and a better understanding of life’s biggest questions. Turn to the wisdom of history’s great philosophers; consider the insights that can be gleaned through the arts, cultural heritage, and legends of the past. Turn to scripture and pray for guidance.

Even Socrates once declared that the greatest wisdom is knowing that you know nothing. Never stop seeking truth and improving your understanding of goodness. Remain open to an ever-expanding capacity for higher wisdom.

A life of congruence is a worthy pursuit that not only improves self-confidence but also can leave a positive impact and inspire others. Align your actions with your values to feel more at ease, fulfilled, and content.