In the book “Stolen Youth: How Radicals Are Erasing Innocence and Indoctrinating a Generation,” co-author Bethany Mandel recounts her time spent bedside in a hospital with her dying mother. At one point, when her mother has only hours left to live, half a dozen doctors and medical students inappropriately show up to examine the device regulating her mother’s spinal cord fluid. Forced to take charge, Ms. Mandel orders them out of the room. Later, when her mom is gasping for her last breaths, she commands her grandmother to quit screaming or go away. She wants her mom to die in peace.
Ms. Mandel was 16 years old at the time.
She then tells us that her chronically ill mother had modeled and taught this assertiveness and other adult skills to her, perhaps in anticipation of her death, and now Ms. Mandel is passing along these same lessons to her own children. “While still in middle and high school,” Ms. Mandel writes, “I was getting a crash course in what is now facetiously referred to as ‘adulting.’” That crash course included lessons in doing the laundry, preparing meals, cleaning the house, paying bills, and even picking her way through the bureaucracy of the health care system.
Home Economics 101
Every teenager should know the basics of cooking a meal, doing a load of laundry, and keeping a house, apartment, or even a dorm room tidy and clean. Many young people, some from an early age, pick up all three of these skills simply by helping Mom or Dad around the house.
Bargain Hunters
Teaching teens to pay attention to sales, particularly at the grocery store, will save them thousands of dollars over a lifetime. Once Mary or John earns that driver’s license, send them off to the store to do the weekly grocery shopping, reminding them to check out the prices of the items that they buy. Not only will this save you valuable time, but it will also accustom your teens to comparison shopping.Mealtime Manners
Look online for “importance of table manners and etiquette,” and a slew of sites pop up, all of them explaining that how we dine affects those around us in both our personal and professional interactions. As one post advises, “Every business meal is an interview, so table manners are essential to your success.” As you scroll through these sites, note that a good number of them are connected to universities, evidence that many young people need some instruction in mealtime etiquette.The young person, or anyone else for that matter, who talks with his mouth full, wolfs down his food, and picks up stray bits of chicken and peas with his fingers while on a date or during a business lunch won’t only end up with an empty plate, but with egg all over his face.
Making the Call
Many young people, and adults as well, spend hours a day on their phones, texting or on social media, but they’re anxious or even terrified when making a real phone call to anyone other than a friend or relative.Her mother’s illness forced Ms. Mandel to speak on the phone with bureaucrats and business owners while still in her mid-teens. We can train our kids to do the same. Does Michael have questions about his financial aid packet? Have him make the call to the college. Is Natalie looking for a summer job as a camp counselor? Have her call and request the application.
Finance and Finesse
Should 18-year-olds have a bank account and debit and credit cards? Should they practice budgeting expenditures and earnings? Should they understand that taking out a loan on a college education or a car means repaying that money? Should they consider setting aside a percentage of their income, when possible, for that unexpected rainy day that always arrives at the worst possible time?The answer to all of these questions is a resounding, “yes.”
Raising Up Adults
In the Ramsey Solutions article, we also find this advice: “Think of your teen as an adult in training. It’s your job (as the adult of the house) to teach your teen what they need to know for that moment you send them off to college, trade school, or even their own apartment.”Looking back at her own teen years, Ms. Mandel echoes these sentiments, “I was put in charge of all these tasks in our family in part to help my disabled mother with household management but also so that I could gain experience while still wearing the ‘training wheels’ of having my mother present to troubleshoot or answer questions.”
Some of the things that we teach our teens, such as cooking up a supper for four, are trifles. Others, such as opening a college savings fund with summer earnings, have greater ramifications.
But all of these lessons, large or small, will last a lifetime.