Is There a Doctor in the House?

We can all put on white coats when we pursue this one basic principle

Active listening isn't just important for a doctor assessing a patient's well-being - we need to all listen carefully to those with whom we interact to ensure we truly connect with them. Fei Meng

“First, do no harm.”

Although this admonition never appears verbatim in the Hippocratic oath—a classic translation states that healers of the sick “abstain from whatever is deleterious and mischievous”—most of today’s health care professionals take these words to heart. They avoid harm by examining and diagnosing patients before proceeding to a treatment.

Unfortunately, a lot of us fail to adopt this same “do no harm” strategy when ministering to others. We saw a classic example of this failure during the COVID-19 pandemic, when governments and regulatory agencies mandated lockdowns, masks, and vaccines to beat the virus but neglected to consider the fallout from these policies: the damage done to children by months-long school closures or the terrible wounds inflicted on the economy, for example. These “physicians” treated the disease but not the patient.

Closer to home, many of us often do the same. We rush to judgment before properly diagnosing a situation and so do harm rather than good. The man hired to turn around a failing business may jump in with pre-calculated remedies before taking time to evaluate all the problems, thereby causing even greater turmoil.

Another example: While the teenager is trying to explain the smashed headlight on the van, her father is too busy raging at her carelessness to listen. By the time Dad learns that another shopper at the grocery store has slammed a car into the van in the parking lot, not only has the van been damaged, but so too has his daughter’s trust.

The physician and the nurse employ checklists and diagnostic tools to devise a prognosis for the benefit of their patient. How about us? What are some tools we can use in our everyday lives to avoid heaping harm onto injury when offering help?

Count to 10

“When angry, count to 10 before you speak,” Thomas Jefferson said. “When very angry, a hundred.”

In Carol Sorgen’s article “Anger Management: Counting to 10 and Beyond,” professor of psychiatry Dan Johnston cited Jefferson.

“The familiar childhood admonition of ‘counting to 10’ before taking action works because it emphasizes the two key elements of anger management—time and distraction,” Johnston said.

This old trick doesn’t just work for anger management. Whether at the office or a backyard barbeque, when someone who’s confused or hurting seeks our advice, it’s usually best to proceed with caution, to mull over their words and their pain before responding. To give them impetuous or half-baked advice will likely do far more harm than good. First, count to 10.

Ask Questions

During an annual physical, you fill out forms inquiring as to the state of your health, the doctor examines you, and tests are sent to the lab. These are all ways of asking your body, “Everything OK?”

When a fellow employee seeks our counsel about taking a promotion—more money, but way more responsibilities—or a friend wonders why her relationships with her family are such a mess, we can act like physicians, asking questions intended to produce healthy solutions, not additional distress.

Let Them Talk

The perplexed or troubled often need a sympathetic listener more than a counselor. They then work through their difficulties by talking, weighing the pros and cons, and arriving at their own conclusions. Some of them may even thank us for coming up with answers, when it’s they themselves who have solved the problem.

Some doctors are renowned for their bedside manner. We can practice this same skillset, avoiding harm while seeking to make others well again.