As the term transgender has become a buzzword in societal conversations, many children tell their parents that they were “born in the wrong body.” Amid a chorus of experts and educators claiming acceptance and transition as the sole paths to happiness, parents find themselves in a harrowing dilemma as they see their children on the brink of life-altering decisions.
In this landscape, one Chinese Canadian mother stands out. Armed with love, tolerance, and resilience fostered by her faith, she embarked on a journey to guide her daughter away from the brink of gender transition.
Here is Mei’s story, sharing her perspective as she aims to offer hope to families navigating similar challenges.
“Mei,” like all the names in this story, is a pseudonym.
At the dinner table, an unexpected statement from Mei’s daughter, Lena, left Mei and her husband, William, speechless. “I want to be a boy,” Lena announced, sparking a mix of confusion and concern in her parents.
Trying to maintain her composure, Mei asked, “What happened?”
“I feel like I’m a boy. I don’t like wearing dresses, pink, or playing with things typically associated with girls,” Lena explained.
However, Lena’s conviction was firm. “No, I feel like I am a boy, and you can’t stop me,” she asserted.
Her father attempted to interject with a traditional view on gender but was abruptly cut off. Lena, visibly frustrated, accused her parents of being “racists”—a term that left them momentarily baffled and inadvertently amused. The word seemed so out of context that they couldn’t help but laugh, wondering where she had gotten such a notion.
Curious, they asked her to clarify what she meant by “racism.” The question left her flustered, revealing a gap in her grasp of the concept.
The incident highlighted how terms like “racism” can be misused to defend personal viewpoints, Mei said, reminiscent of how broad labels are sometimes arbitrarily applied in political contexts.
At nearly 14, having recently moved to a public school, Lena’s insistence on identifying as male grew stronger. Phrases like “I think,” “I want,” and “I am” became commonplace in household discussions about identity.
Her determination took tangible forms; she practiced deepening her voice and expressed a desire to alter her body, leading to distressing behaviors like refusing to bathe and expressing a wish to undergo surgery.
Her struggle with her identity reached a peak as she voiced thoughts of self-harm, crying, “I want to die! If you don’t let me transition, I will die!”—a painful glimpse into the depths of her turmoil.
“Would you rather have a dead daughter or a living son?”
Awakening: I Need to Save My Child
The sight of Lena, engulfed in anguish, cast a shadow over the family, leaving her brother, Henry, too frightened to emerge from his room. His mother fears his memory of that time is forever tainted by the struggle that was engulfing the family.The turmoil surrounding Lena’s identity raised critical questions: Would fulfilling her wish to alter her body truly bring her peace? Could transitioning to male solve the struggles she faced or guarantee happiness?
Reflecting on the beginning of Lena’s life, her mother recalled the anticipation and challenges of her birth. She carried the baby past her due date, and, despite her doctor’s suggestion of Caesarian birth, tried to prompt natural labor by exercising.
Her memory of being wheeled into the silent, brightly lit corridor of the hospital, alone and on the verge of giving birth, remains vivid. The solitude of those moments before the surgery, coupled with the pain and anticipation of childbirth, underscored a profound connection to the life about to enter the world.
Mei recalled: “As I lay on the operating table, enduring both the contractions and the imminent surgery, I was consumed by one thought: the timing of my child’s birth was not mere coincidence but a divine arrangement. When the nurse presented the newborn to me, her inquiry, ‘A brother or a sister?’ was met with my resolute affirmation of her gender, ‘A sister!’”
Looking back, she saw the moment as a premonition of the challenges that lay ahead.
Past Reflections: Embracing Lena’s Unique World
Lena, with her luminous eyes and rosy complexion, was a source of joy from the start. Her grandmother would often marvel at her beauty, noting her long eyelashes as she held her lovingly.Lena’s quiet nature was evident early on; at age two, she seldom spoke, and her reticence was noticeable even during kindergarten performances, prompting concern from her classmates.
Although quiet, she was adventurous, however, striding fearlessly into new experiences.
As she moved into elementary school, Lena’s unique approach to the world around her and her social interactions—or the lack thereof—became more pronounced. A memorable moment occurred when a beloved teacher was leaving. While her classmates displayed their affection and sorrow, Lena’s reaction was to laugh, finding humor in the sadness of others.
Describing the off-key reaction, her mother said that it was not malicious; it simply displayed a different perspective on emotional expression. Nonetheless, Lena’s social and emotional development, particularly in understanding and engaging with the feelings of others, lagged behind.
This did not manifest as a desire for friendship until she stood on the brink of a significant life change: the family’s decision to move to North America. The move sparked a hope for new connections.
Transitioning to a new school abroad, Lena’s interest and engagement levels did not seem to align with those of her peers, making it a challenge to adapt to social norms and expectations.
Contrast: Navigating Educational Environments
The challenge of forming friendships, compounded by the struggles of adolescence, intensified for Lena.As a sixth-grader, she tried to connect with her peers socially, but her overtures often ended in frustration.
Her struggle to make friends, coupled with a lack of academic engagement, led to concerns from her teacher, who suspected a learning disability. Mei was certain, however, that her daughter’s difficulties stemmed not from a learning disability but a lack of confidence in social settings, which often left her disheartened.
After all, all of us experience confusion, pain, and dissatisfaction as a part of our growth, she reflected: those painful moments are part of the necessary path to maturity.
Looking for a school where she could be understood and valued, the family found a farm school, with mixed-age classes and a curriculum that nurtured Lena’s individuality. In a small class, with attentive teachers, Lena thrived, regaining her interest in learning and even forming friendships. This period marked a significant improvement in her happiness and academic performance.
However, the following year, due to low enrollment, her class was disbanded. Her teacher was willing to accommodate her in a younger group of students, but Lena decided public school with children her own age might give her opportunities to make friends.
Despite the potential benefits, Mei worried about the values promoted within some public schools, especially regarding sexuality and social media use. Her daughter was insistent, however, so she acquiesced, hoping her daughter would learn some valuable lessons and that she could shield her from the risks.
Search: Navigating Adolescence
Lena embarked on her public school journey with enthusiasm. Minimal homework gave her leisure time for social media. Mei took comfort in her happiness, a reprieve from the usual struggles of her day-to-day life.The respite did not last, however. One day, Lena told her mother excitedly, “Mom, I can’t see the blackboard clearly anymore. I’m nearsighted!”
Oddly, she had yearned to be nearsighted, believing glasses would enhance her appearance.
“My face is big; wearing glasses makes it look smaller and better.”
Yet, selecting the right frames turned into a saga of dissatisfaction, with no pair meeting her expectations, leading her to a distressing conclusion: she wanted plastic surgery to alter her face. Conversations attempting to shift her focus from physical appearances to the value of inner beauty and self-acceptance fell on deaf ears.
One day, Lena told her mother she “hated” having breasts. “Women’s bodies are ugly,” she said. “Women are weak; they get bulled. Men’s bodies look good. Men are strong; men are better.” She didn’t want to be a woman.
Mei knew her daughter’s increasing unhappiness with her appearance and her femininity reflected a deep struggle. Yet she thought, “These are just growing pains.” She recalled as a child, spending half an hour combing her hair into a ponytail that satisfied her, until every hair was smooth and flat against her scalp, as her mother said, “That’s enough, it’s good enough.”
Lena’s dinner table announcement was a shock, therefore. It was suddenly clear to Mei that while she had been downplaying Lena’s issues as “teenage growing pains,” Lena had been going down a different path—for a long time.
Confusion: Will Transitioning Lead to Happiness?
As Mei began probing, she discovered that her public school had introduced Lena to a broad spectrum of gender identities.Her daughter told her, “Before class, the teacher would chat with us, saying that being gay is good and that he has friends who are gay.” Educational content was supplemented with YouTube videos on gender. An email from a teacher about an upcoming sex education class hinted at a broader definition of gender beyond the traditional binary.
Something prompted Mei to delve into Lena’s online activities. In her daughter’s browsing history, Mei found a trove of transgender influencers.
Lena’s interpretation of these influencers’ messages was simple yet telling: “They transitioned, and they are happy.” This perception, coupled with her own experience of social isolation, seemed to her to offer a straightforward solution to her complexities.
The struggles of adolescence, added to her existing challenges, were already overwhelming the teenager. Now, transgender education was offering her a supposed solution: “Change your gender, once and for all! All your troubles stem from being in the wrong body!”
Not long after, Mei received a call from one of Lena’s teachers, telling me she wanted to be referred to with “he/him” pronouns instead of “she/her.” The teacher was seeking Mei’s consent.
Despite her dismay, she was grateful that the teacher had informed her. She said, “Thank you, but I disagree,” and shared Lena’s growth journey, her confusion during puberty, and her difficulty making friends.
“I understand my child,” Mei said. “I know what’s right for her.”
The teacher made no comment, acknowledging Mei’s concerns before hanging up.
At that moment, Mei said, she knew that Lena could no longer stay at that school.
Fear: The Uncharted Waters of Gender Identity
The decision to remove Lena from her current school became imperative, the situation compounded by a tragic case in Vancouver.In March of 2021, a father was arrested for referring to his biological daughter as his “daughter.” The girl was 13 when a Canadian children’s hospital told him his daughter was going to be injected with testosterone without his consent.
Reading the report, Mei’s hands trembled.
The father had opposed his child undergoing “gender-affirming” medical procedures, wishing to protect her from irreversible harm. However, Canada’s medical and legal system and the child’s mother pushed for it.
Moreover, in school, his daughter’s name had been changed without his knowing.
The father argued that his daughter’s best interest lay in preserving her health in case she changed her mind. After puberty, 85 percent of gender-confused children no longer believe they are the opposite gender.
Mei read on. What did the experts say? Driven by a psychologist, the girl’s first hospital visit led to a treatment plan. The treatment consent form explicitly stated the treatment was “experimental.“ Experts were ”unclear” about its future impact on the child’s health.
“My goodness,” she thought. This was the experts’ attitude. What about the judge? The judge believed the child’s best interest was to make the teen’s body look more like a boy’s. “Oh, my Lord!”
“What’s happening to our society?” Mei asked herself, filled with dread. “Who am I fighting? If things continue, what will the child face? What will I face? What will our family face?”
Putting her panic aside, she pulled herself together. “I must save my child,” she resolved. “I’m not an expert, a judge, or a government official; I am just a mother. I only know that this life was entrusted to me, and I must stand by her.”
Mei recalled watching Lena learn to talk, taking her first steps, dancing with joy in her new raincoat on her way to school, lying on the sidewalk in a tantrum because she couldn’t have a bouncy ball.
In her mind, she relived that summer day, with people passing by under the sycamore trees. Mei took her daughter’s small hand, gently yet firmly saying, “Mommy knows you really like it, but the bus doesn’t go there today; we can buy it next time.”
“What is parenting?” she mused. “What is education? As children, we are battered as human desires pull us between restraint and indulgence, until we grow into masters of ourselves. Along the way, through stumbles, tears, and laughter, there’s light.”
She looked down at the report’s conclusions. “They’ve created a delusion, and they’re forcing parents to live in this delusion,” the teen’s father said. “What happens when the bubble explodes and the delusion ends? … She can never go back to being a girl in the healthy body she should have had … These kids don’t understand. What kind of 13-year-old is thinking about having a family and kids?”
What would he say, the father asked, if his daughter came out of her gender confusion in ten years, and asked why he did nothing to stop her from transitioning?
Together: Forging Ahead Through the Storm
Echoing in Mei’s ears was Lena’s outcry, “If you don’t let me transition, I’ll go to the government, I’ll sue you. I know my rights, you can’t stop me!”She steadied herself and called Lena’s father over. Reading the report, William frowned and said, “What are these experts up to?”
Mei described her husband as having a broad perspective, independent thinking, and a kind heart.
Faced with his child’s demands, he said, “Lena, think about it, can cutting off a part of your body be good? Those people on YouTube who say they’re happy after transitioning, have you seen what their private lives are like?
“If you undergo surgery, if you take this path, you’ll be a money-making tool for pharmaceutical companies for the rest of your life, do you understand?”
He continued: “You’re not yet an adult. After you’re 18, you can decide what kind of life you want. But as your parents, we need to tell you that a man is a man, and a woman is a woman. Surgery won’t make you a real man. We don’t support you transitioning; it’s harming you.”
In fury, Lena charged at her parents. William grabbed her, sternly saying, “What are you doing! Can you hit your parents?”
Repeated conversations like these left the couple exhausted. Behind closed doors, William sighed and said to Mei, “What do we do? Maybe she was born this way; let her be.”
Mei looked at him silently.
One night, after yet another discussion with their daughter, Mei turned off the lights and got into bed. She lay awake, distressed but dry-eyed. She knew she had to persevere. She had taken on this responsibility; she could not fall.
Looking at her husband’s unshaven face, she hugged him, resting her head on his chest. After a while, she said, “If we just let her be, how can we face our parents?”
Mei and William’s parents loved their children unreservedly. When the couple was working, the grandparents had taken over child care. The children’s grandmother was a devout believer in God. She was kind-hearted, always saving the tastiest bits of food for the children.
Among siblings, even in the face of significant disputes, she would advocate for tolerance, ensuring harmony in the family. She often said, “Heaven watches what we do.”
She also understood her grandchildren well. Before the family went abroad, she told Mei, “Keep a close eye on Lena; don’t let her do as she pleases.”
Now Mei said, “Mom and Dad think of the kids every day. If Lena returns looking like that, how can we explain to them?”
Her husband was silent, but Mei knew she had struck a chord. Even in the face of modern ideologies, the foundation of Chinese traditional values remained. Mei and William would not be able to face their parents if they betrayed those values.
Mei said, “Do you remember a few years ago? Lena threw a tantrum over not getting the light-up shoes she wanted.” She helped her husband recall: “It wasn’t that we didn’t want to buy them for her, but her feet had outgrown that kind of light-up, buckle-style shoes designed for toddlers. At her age, she should be wearing lace-up shoes, but she still wanted toddler styles.
“Lena’s physical body had grown, but her mentality was still that of a child. Even with money, we couldn’t satisfy her.
“Do you remember? She said she wanted to chop off her heels back then. But now, when I ask her, she says, ‘Mom, I don’t care about those things anymore.’
“What’s the difference between her desire to transition today and her yearning for those light-up shoes back then?”
William sighed as he held his wife’s hand. “You’ve really been through a lot,” he said softly.
That night, Mei had a vivid dream. In her dream, the couple were in the middle of a terrible storm. All around was dark. Stooping low, they were pulling a rope together, step by step, moving forward with difficulty.
In the midst of the storm, they forged ahead.
Love: Compassion Melts Away Stubborn Rock
Lena is typically serene, her mother said, describing her as “a joy” in tranquil moments. However, when she adopts a stubborn stance, she becomes “an immovable rock,” according to Mei.Mei traced her spiritual journey as it related to her parenting. “Before I began practicing the spiritual practice of Falun Dafa,” she said, “My approach to her obstinacy was less than ideal. I would escalate the argument, hoping to overpower her with logic, or capitulate to her demands for the sake of peace.”
Mei acknowledged that her strategies were aimed at avoiding confrontation. She sought the quickest route to peace, even at the cost of effective parenting.
However, these methods proved futile in the face of true challenges. Logic, without empathy, only served to alienate her daughter further, and compromise was no longer an option.
Mei felt like the family was poised on the edge of a cliff, with no way back.
The core values of Falun Dafa—truthfulness, compassion, and forbearance—were ultimately the path that led them away from the cliff’s edge, she said. As she grew spiritually, she became convinced that genuine change could only occur through selflessness and focusing on her daughter’s needs and well-being, rather than seeking her own escape from discomfort. Moreover, her words of reason must be seasoned with empathy.
One day, as Mei prepared dumplings, Lena approached her in distress—complaining, shouting, threatening, and saying she wanted to die.
Pausing, Mei met her daughter’s gaze with kindness and said, “You don’t know how precious your life is.”
As she looked at Lena, her daughter’s struggles moved her deeply. They were a reflection of life’s complexities and unmet desires, she thought—a poignant reminder of the universal human condition.
If Lena had actually cut off her heels for that pair of light-up shoes, would she regret it today? Suppose she transitioned today. Years later, realizing she would be bound to medication for life and that she had given up the joy of motherhood, would she regret today’s decision?
Mei’s heart swelled with compassion. She saw Lena, not just as her daughter, but as an individual. She looked at her again and said, “Child, you don’t know how precious your life is!”
This situation had played itself out many times in their home. This time, however, Lena’s reaction was different.
“Everything seemed so natural,” Mei recalled. Suddenly, Lena became calm and asked, “Mom, if I transition, will you not want me anymore?”
Mei replied, “Lena, we will always love you, regardless of any decisions you make after you’re an adult. This home will always be your haven. And it’s precisely because we love you that we want to tell you what’s right and protect you.”
The incident marked a turning point. “I knew my daughter felt our genuine love,” Mei said. Now, Lena would sometimes say, “Mom, I don’t want to make you sad,” or “Mom, I like talking to you.”
Detoxification: Strengthening a Child’s Righteous Thoughts
Remarkably, when Mei proposed that they watch The Epoch Times video series “How the Specter of Communism Is Ruling Our World,” Lena agreed.Despite concerns about the complexity of the material, Mei thought its exploration of communism’s destructive ideologies and influence was crucial for Lena’s discernment of right and wrong. She thought it would be an opportunity to challenge the allure of deviant ideologies by shedding light on their true nature.
The family embarked on what Mei called “an educational journey.” Remarkably, the 14-year-old, who was not an avid reader, committed herself to watching an episode daily, completing all 28 episodes.
Her parents felt that Lena was finally open to hearing different perspectives.
To enrich their children’s minds with positive content, as well as purging negative influences, Mei and William instituted a regular family video time. Together, the family explored programs ranging from culture to historical documentaries, to series that delved into traditional values and the mysteries of the human condition. The aim was to elevate the children’s understanding of life, inspire growth, and rekindle an appreciation for traditional values.
The selection of programs became a window into Lena and Henry’s evolving interests and emotional landscapes, Mei said, offering moments of shared enjoyment and relaxation. The practice also allowed her to gauge their mental and emotional states more accurately.
There were still moments of strife. “When Lena seemed disheartened or confrontational, she would slouch and speak to me in a complaining, argumentative voice,” Mei said.
In those moments, Mei would admonish her gently but firmly, “Lena, sit up, mom is very willing to talk to you.”
She found that addressing her daughter in this manner encouraged dialogue and kept the situation from becoming emotional.
Mei would remind her, “Lena, when you speak like this, it seems like you’re venting your emotions. Words spoken in emotion don’t count.” She would pause, then add, “Do you want Mom to stay with you for a while to calm your emotions, or do you really want to discuss some issues with Mom?”
Hope Found in Two Words: ‘Falun Dafa’
Today, her mother reports happily, Lena has emerged from the mire of transitioning, just as she no longer pines for light-up shoes with buckles.When Mei asks her to name the catalyst for the profound change, “She says two words: Falun Dafa.”
Lena started practicing Falun Dafa (also known as Falun Gong) alongside her mother. When she began the practice, she was slightly overweight and prone to acne, but shortly after practicing, she transformed. People began complimenting her on her improved complexion and appearance. More importantly, her demeanor shifted toward serenity, often graced with a smile.
When Mei began homeschooling Lena, she was isolated from her peers. Recognizing this, Mei introduced her to a community of young Falun Dafa practitioners. The group became a haven, especially during summer breaks, with days filled with reading, exercises, and shared experiences. Lena found a space of mutual respect and understanding. In an environment that fostered genuine friendships, enriched by traditional stories and group outings, she found a sense of belonging.
Here, when Lena shared her thoughts on wanting to be a boy, another girl said, “I’ve had that thought too.“ Another child said, ”I think being a girl is quite good.” A lively discussion ensued, leaving Lena comforted and happy.
As her practice deepened, Lena gained insights into the divine arrangement of gender. The understanding helped her reconcile with her gender identity and helped her view the desire for change as contrary to divine will, with potential consequences for future happiness.
Moving to a high school that upheld traditional values marked a new chapter. Mei and William found a school in which a supportive and ideology-free environment encouraged academic focus. Beyond her circle of Falun Dafa friends, Lena formed a meaningful friendship.
Family discussions have also been central.
“Throughout this journey, we’ve discussed many topics,” Mei said. “Are women weak? Can women have masculine traits and men feminine traits? Many moms were tomboys as kids: would they have to transition if they were growing up now? Does sexual libertinism bring freedom or lead humanity to destruction? How do people make friends? Is it because of gender?”
“I don’t know when it happened, but Lena no longer talks about wanting to be a man in her next life,” her mother added.
Her daughter still dislikes dresses. The dress code at her school’s Christmas dance required girls to wear dresses. That caused Lena to hesitate, but she wanted to go. Ultimately, she decided to compromise and chose a dress for herself.
On the day of the dance, Mei drove Lena to school. Her daughter paused, watching her classmates enter one by one.
“What time is it, Mom?” she asked. Mei said, “It’s time.”
Lena opened the car door, adjusted her dress, and said, “I’m going!” Then she walked into the school without looking back.
Lena doesn’t like to dwell on the events of the past three years. “Mom,” she said, when Mei asked her to recall, “why do you keep asking me about this? I’m thinking about what major I should study in the future. I want to learn at least three languages, and I’m considering whether I should do a study abroad program.”
Mei replied, “There are many children and families still going through our past ordeal. Sharing our experience might help them; what do you think?” Lena agreed, “Okay.”
Mei asked again, “Lena, what exactly helped you escape the abyss of transitioning?”
Her daughter looked at her and said two words: “Falun Dafa.”
