Matt Cauli is a faithful husband and a loving dad. He never imagined that at 40 years old, he'd be the caregiver for his beloved wife, who has had two strokes and is recovering from the challenges of ovarian cancer.
While facing life’s toughest hardship, he also might not have expected the fortitude and faith that he has built out of his love for his wife and son.
“I was so lost. I was so shocked,” Mr. Cauli told The Epoch Times, speaking of the time his wife was hospitalized. “My world was literally turned upside down. I felt like I lost my wife, and I lost a big part of me; that life we built together. ... It’s definitely changed my perspective on life.”
Be it taking care of his wife, cooking, doing laundry, cleaning the house, keeping track of doctors’ appointments, walking the dog, or getting their son ready for his summer camp, Mr. Cauli handles it all with love and responsibility.
“I just love my family. It’s really all I ever wanted,” he said. “They’re all I’ve got. So that’s my inspiration.”
The Marriage
Mr. Cauli grew up in Connecticut but moved to New York City where he worked as a graphic designer. It was there, in 2009, that he met Kanlaya Cauli, who is originally from Thailand. The couple met on an online dating website and began dating shortly after. At the end of 2010, they were engaged, and in 2011, they were married in Central Park.“It was just me and her and just a couple of family members,” Mr. Cauli told The Epoch Times. “It wasn’t a big ceremony. We were not financially well off, so we had to do it quickly and cheaply.”
That didn’t deter them from celebrating the lives they were creating together or having their “perfect” wedding.
The Caulis then moved into an apartment outside of Westchester. In 2014, they bought a “fixer-upper” home in Westchester, so they could prepare to grow their family. They welcomed their son, Ty, in 2017.
The Battle With Sickness
“On May 15, at the height of COVID,” Mr. Cauli said, “Kanlaya, out of nowhere, had a massive stroke in front of my son and I while we were home.”With everything being shut down due to the pandemic, Mr. Cauli could only call 911 and watch his wife get whisked away to the hospital.
“I had to wait for my parents to come to the house to watch my son so I could rush to the hospital to see what was going on,” he said.
Mrs. Cauli had another stroke in the hospital, which ended up debilitating the left side of her body. Her brain began to swell so much that they had to perform a life-saving surgery, removing part of her skull. In the wake of all of this, Mr. Cauli says, the medical staff were completely stumped, wondering why a young 35-year-old woman would be having strokes.
It was while she was recovering from the strokes that Mrs. Cauli began to feel intense pain in her stomach. Doctors investigated and found a tumor—Mrs. Cauli had ovarian cancer.
The ailing mother commenced chemotherapy right after the harrowing discovery.
“It’s been an uphill battle that we’ve been fighting ever since then, but we’ve come so far,” Mr. Cauli said. “She’s gone through chemo. As of right now—she’s cancer-free. She’s better in terms of cognitive things and mobility. It'll never go back to the way it was, unfortunately. But we are making a lot of progress with a never-give-up attitude.”
Though she continues to make positive strides toward healing and recovery, Mrs. Cauli has had to go through all of this without seeing her family in Thailand. Mr. Cauli says it’s “financially impossible” for them to travel to New York.
“One of my number one goals is to get Kanlaya back to Thailand to see her parents,” Mr. Cauli said.
Ty, who was just 3 when his mom had the strokes, is now in second grade and beginning to puzzle his family life together.
“He was young enough to not really know what was going on,” Mr. Cauli said. “But now that he’s 7, he definitely is starting to ask questions. It’s a very delicate balance because he’s so confused. He’s like, ‘Why are other parents and moms not in wheelchairs?’”
Mr. Cauli adds that because they share their family’s journey on social media, people will often come up to them and say they’ve seen their videos, which confuses Ty.
“I try to tell him [that] Mommy went through something that a lot of people wouldn’t be able to go through,” Mr. Cauli said. “And we just like to show our family unit and how strong we are.”
Mr. Cauli says his wife has had an incredible attitude through all of her struggles.
Watch the video:
Leading With Love
One of the things Mr. Cauli has done to make things better for his wife is making his home more liveable for her.Getting his wife home from the hospital quickly made him realize that he would need to replace the steps leading up to their house with a ramp. After researching the cost of getting a ramp, Mr. Cauli became overwhelmed. So, he decided to build his own ramp with wood he had at his home and from the local lumber shop.
It wasn’t just the ramp, Mr. Cauli had to rethink many aspects of his home.
The stroke has impacted Mrs. Cauli’s left arm, left leg, and left eye. Because of that, Mr. Cauli rearranged the house so his wife can see what she needs and access it herself.
Reflecting on what he has had to do to help keep his family afloat, Mr. Cauli said: “Ever since growing up, I just wanted a family. I'll do anything I can to keep it together. I mean, my inspiration is very simple.”
Mr. Cauli hopes his son will look back on the struggles that his mom and dad went through and will say they did a good job raising him, despite the enormous challenges.
The Courage to Continue On
The challenges that he faces today, Mr. Cauli says, are overcome through love, but he acknowledges that there has to be an outlet for emotions and frustrations that arise with the responsibility of caring for his wife and his son.For any caregivers of a loved one, Mr. Cauli said, finding an outlet is vital.
“It’s so tough,” he said, “because it’s very easy to get angry and upset, but it’s like, ‘Who are you going to get angry and upset with?’ Not the person you’re caring for. They didn’t do anything wrong. It’s not family members. It’s nobody else. There’s nothing to be upset about.”
Mr. Cauli said his outlets are walking the dog, gardening, and hitting a punching bag.
“I just slowly started to build a support community,” he said.
Mr. Cauli says his wife’s attitude has been amazing throughout her sickness.
“She loves her son so much that she’s always fighting to improve and be that mom for him,” he said.
And where does he get the strength to continue on this exhausting journey?
“Everybody has it in them,” Mr. Cauli said, “until they’re faced with it, and then it just comes out.”
