According to family legend, my great aunt was such a polite child that she curtsied and exchanged pleasantries with her neighbor before asking, “Mr. Carlson, would you be so kind as to put out the fire at our house?”
Such mannerly behavior in the young shouldn’t be a thing of the past. Indeed, even very young children can learn to show kind courtesy, says etiquette instructor Bethany Friske, and “if we’re excited to show [them] good manners, they’re going to be excited” about learning them. Ms. Friske shared five easy ways to teach manners in your home.
Motivate Magic Words
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“Please” and “thank you” are common “magic words,” but Ms. Friske encourages expanding that list to include “you’re welcome,” “I’m sorry,” and “excuse me.” Manners charts are a great motivator to practice these kind words, adding check marks when they’re used and offering a reward for a completed chart to reinforce them. Grandparents can especially put manners charts to good use in their homes for when grandchildren visit.
Establish Expectations
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Parents can’t expect their children to behave unless they first tell them what they expect. If you’re invited to someone’s house, for instance, Ms. Friske suggests practicing manners in your own home first—such as chewing with mouths closed and staying in your seats until the end of a meal—and going over the game plan in the car before arriving. Give children an example of how to greet their hosts—“Hi Mrs. Johnson, thank you for having me!”—remind them to remove their shoes, and instruct them to be respectful of property by avoiding opening doors and drawers. When you leave, prompt them to say thank you to their hosts.
Deter Picky Palates
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To combat picky eaters, Ms. Friske suggests starting an “Adventurous Eaters Club.” In this club, children must try everything they’re served. “They don’t have to finish it,” she explains, but they should “take a bite.” Emphatic comments of dislike are also not allowed in the club. Instead, children might respond with “I don’t prefer it now,” a respectful acknowledgment of the fact that taste buds change quickly in the young and that what they dislike today may become a favorite later.
Make Place Settings Fun
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Even adults can be intimidated by the rules of placing the fork, spoon, and knife on a table, Ms. Friske says, but this simple task doesn’t have to be daunting for your children. “Get placemats,” she says, suggesting children can even make their own by tracing utensils laid out in a proper table setting to help them learn and remember where everything goes. Once they are familiar with the basics, expand that placemat to include a formal tableware setting, ensuring that your children will be at ease if they need to attend a fancy dinner later in life.
Teach Patience and Respect
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No parent likes to have a conversation interrupted by a child hitting their arm with frantic requests for attention. Unless it’s a true emergency, teach your child to say, “Excuse me, Mommy, I have a question,” while quietly squeezing your hand, explaining that doing so shows respect to the conversing adults. Be sure to also show kindness to the child and his needs: Squeeze back to acknowledge that you’re aware of his presence and will get to him as soon as possible.
This article was originally published in American Essence magazine.
