How Grandparents Help Keep America Up and Running

Grandparents have plenty of skills and life wisdom to pass on to their grandchildren. Biba Kayewich

Grandpa and Grandma, Pop-Pop and Nana, Granddaddy and Gran, Abuelito and Abuela, and in parts of the South, Papaw and Mamaw—these titles are badges of honor and endearment to grandparents.

Approximately 50 percent of Americans ages 50 to 64 are grandparents, with that figure rising to 80 percent for the 65-plus crowd, and a large number of them rank grandparenting as one of the great joys of their lives. For many, the responsibilities and pressures of parenting are gone, both because they’ve already raised their own children and because their interaction with their grandkids is a completely different experience. Grandpa is the guy who slips the 7-year-old a stick of gum and tells “knock-knock” jokes, while grandma teaches the 11-year-old how to make chocolate chip cookies and how to braid her hair.

Sure, these are stereotypes, but they reveal a basic truth. Grandparents generally find it easy to be a hit with the kids, especially if they live far enough away so that their arrival is an occasion. There’s that wonderful rush when they pull into the driveway and the grandkids burst from the house and into their arms; the games, treats, and stories; the dopamine hit that comes from being a celebrity—even if it’s only to a gaggle of little ones.

But playtime with the kids is only part of the story. Often overlooked by the broader public is the tremendous and silent role grandparents play in our country’s culture and economy.

Grandparents have plenty of skills and life wisdom to pass on to their grandchildren. Biba Kayewich

The Babysitters Club

A retired veterinarian I know cares for her children’s children three to five days a week. She drives 25 miles from her home to theirs, the parents head out the door to work, and she has the kids until they return home. My sister is a hospice nurse who, at age 70, continues to work part-time but spends some of her days off every week caring for her grandson while mom and dad are working.

These situations are anything but rare. Though much of the available data are dated by a few years, it’s clear that a large number of grandparents pitch in and babysit to make it easier for the parents to work. Other situations needing help from grandma or grandpa might be the birth of another baby, an illness in the family, or a parent whose job calls for work away from home for an extended time.

The grandparents who play nanny for a day, a week, or longer generally do so to help their children earn a living and to spend precious time with the grandchildren. Though each has his or her own special reasons for filling in the gap in this way, most will agree that at the end of the day, they are worn out. Handling a pair of preschoolers is a tad bit easier at 30 than at 65.

And while their motives may be personal, the benefits of grandparents’ childcare services are societal and even economic.

To all these grandparents, America owes a great debt.

Saved From Foster Homes

In the recent AARP article “When Grandparents Are Called to Parent—Again,” we meet Mercedes Bristol of San Antonio, who was planning her retirement when a family situation meant taking five children ages 9 and under into her home. “I remember crying at Walmart,” she said, “because I was so overwhelmed with the amount of supplies that the kids needed.” More than 10 years later, three of the children, all teenagers, are still living with Grandma. Around the United States are several million grandparents—the data are again a bit vague—who are either primary caregivers for their grandkids or are part of a family network helping to raise them.

Brandon Gaille, in his article “23 Statistics on Grandparents Raising Grandchildren” for Father Matters, gives us some sense of the courage and sacrifice of grandparents in this role. Since 1970, the number of children being brought up by grandparents has doubled, and more than 40 percent of the parents of these grandchildren suffer from substance abuse, revealing the damage that drugs and dysfunction have been causing families in our society. Gaille also points out the many difficulties this arrangement places on both the grandparents and the grandchildren, again in part because of the troubles and failings of the middle party, the parents.

In addition, Gaille includes a statistic showing that grandparents who step into this situation save the American taxpayer $6 billion every year by keeping the grandchildren out of the foster care system.

So hats off to you grandparents who are doing what you can to help your children and grandchildren in these trying circumstances.

Classrooms Without Walls

Grandparents have a special role to play in their grandkids’ lives. Biba Kayewich

Whether they know it or not, all grandparents are teachers, instructing their grandkids by word and by example. Some do this teaching directly, like the grandmother I interviewed who was homeschooling her grandchildren while her daughter worked. Others do it simply by interacting with the children, taking them on walks, as a friend who lives in Asheville, North Carolina, frequently does; reading them stories, as my own grandmother did for me so long ago; or giving them pointers about hobbies and life.

One great side benefit of being a grandparent and a teacher is that looks matter less than love. In his affectionate recollection of his grandfather, “The Old Man and the Boy,” Robert Ruark shares what the Old Man, as Ruark describes him, taught him about hunting, fishing, the great outdoors, and life in general. Ruark describes his grandfather this way:

“The Old Man ain’t much to look at on the hoof. He’s got big ears that flap out and a scrubby moustache with light yellow tobacco stains on it. … His pants wrinkle and he spits pretty straight in a way people used to spit when most grown men chewed Apple tobacco.”

Ruark then adds, “The thing I like best about the Old Man is that he’s willing to talk about what he knows, and he never talks down to a kid, which is me, who wants to know things.”

Now there’s a teacher.

Grandparenting isn’t always easy, but for most of us, the joys far outweigh the hardships. And because joy is often a rarer commodity in this world than hardship, we need our grandchildren as much as they need us.

A Final Note

Four grandparents I know never see their grandchildren. In one instance, a political quarrel among the adults caused this rupture; in the other three cases, family quarrels and events led to a permanent break. In many other families, no formal break takes place, but distance and a disinclination for keeping in touch keep grandparents and grandchildren separated.

In some of these cases, surely these divisions can be patched up. If you’re a parent estranged from your own parents, or if you’re a grandparent who has become estranged from your children and so your grandchildren, I encourage you to make an effort to reconcile.

More than ever, I suspect, grandkids and grandparents need each other.